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Ok, I refuse to click on "ratemypoo.com"...though I have a few friends who undoubtably will race to post their own creations.

This is the Second Coming of the "Diarreah in a Freighter" thread.

Or the second wave...
 
Last edited:
CFIcare said:
Ok, I refuse to click on "ratemypoo.com"...though I have a few friends who undoubtably will race to post their own creations
Click to expand...
I have a friend that has been posting his creations on that site for years (the same friend used to take pics of his 'creations' on our cameras as a surprise for us later on).

I, on the other hand, am with you and refuse to click. There are limits to crap humour.
 
Not too long ago I started a medication that, well, created deep in my innards a black tar water, that, when expelled, I swear inside body parts came out.

The Dumb and Dumber toilet scene didnt have nothing on me - but damn, I felt better...

Oh, and the odor - even my dog wouldnt come close for a bit...
 
The Poopie List

THE POOPIE LIST


Ghost Poopie The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain. Second Wave Poopie This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. Gassy Poopie It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing. Drinker Poopie The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. Lincoln Log Poopie The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. Corn Poopie Self-explanatory. Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. Spinal Tap Poopie That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways. Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water. Liquid Poopie The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl. Mexican Poopie It smells so bad your nose burns. The Surprise Poopie You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!! The Dangling Poopie This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
 
The one nice thing about the A model over B model Saabs... at least when a pax destroyed the lav it had to whaff through the entire plane to get to you instead of attacking you immediatly after the FA.
Hopefully by then you were already on the ground.
 
Nothing a little Colon Blow won't take care of. Like my Grand Ma used to say, "A well lived life begins with a clean colon". Then she would shove a broom stick up Grand Paw's a$$.

Savages at their best!
 
If you feel like you might shart you can always fold a paper towel and insert it into you crack as a manpon.
 
During my high school/college years I worked with a guy who, every morning at precisely 10am, had to take his raisin bran dump. As his boss I was at first annoyed by it but then had to accept it. What are you gonna do, tell him he can't go?
 
I always go by the 3 C's. Coffee, Cigarette and CNN. Regardless of the time of day the combination of the 3 generally helps produce a movement.
 
I'd also like to add that this might be the greatest thread in the history of the board. I would further like to request that moderators please stable this one at the top as it is sure to become a timeless classic, enjoyed and visited by many of us in the future.
 
JumpersAway said:
What's the point in trying to mold a bronze before duty in. You ought to wait until you are on company time to drop a deuce. For added affect, one should wait until critical mass before leaving the flight deck to mosey to the turder in the back of the aircraft. The greatest asthetic pleaser for the pax is the hurried walk, while breathing lemans, all while donning a sweated brow. Don't forget the USA today under the left arm. Also, it is perfectly permissible to smog them on the way back to the lav with fart for a primer. Oh, and just to drive the point home, tuck the toilet paper roll into the back of one's pants and make for the cockpit. The folks will enjoy your experience......
Click to expand...


Post of the year!

And mold a bronze? LMFAO!
 
dispatchguy said:
Not too long ago I started a medication that, well, created deep in my innards a black tar water, that, when expelled, I swear inside body parts came out.

The Dumb and Dumber toilet scene didnt have nothing on me - but damn, I felt better...

Oh, and the odor - even my dog wouldnt come close for a bit...
Click to expand...

Very true. Anti-biotics will kill EVERYTHING in your colon, and you wind up pooping like a 3 month old for 2 years.

Heck, it was sooo bad at one point, my cat tried to cover me up.

Nu
 
rustypigeon said:
Chicks poop???!!!
Click to expand...

That allegation is completely unsubstantiated!

One thing is for sure, we couldn't hold a candle to this conversation. ;)
 
dojetdriver said:
Yes! They do indeed poop. But if you ask them, that poop doesn't stink.
Click to expand...

Not true. It just doesn't stink like a GUY'S. More along the lines of rose petals, etc. :p
 
rustypigeon said:
Chicks poop???!!!
Click to expand...
Nope,
They just like privacy whilst reading Oprah mag. Yeah right, I had a girlfriend who could fart in color! The smell was so bad, when I tried to slam my nostrils shut and not breathe, my eyes would reflexively slam shut and squint so hard I would see colors. Depending on the sulphur content,different colors would appear!
PBR
 
PBRstreetgang said:
Nope,
They just like privacy whilst reading Oprah mag. Yeah right, I had a girlfriend who could fart in color! The smell was so bad, when I tried to slam my nostrils shut and not breathe, my eyes would reflexively slam shut and squint so hard I would see colors. Depending on the sulphur content,different colors would appear!
PBR
Click to expand...

So thaaaaat's why there's a stack of Oprah mags in the crapper at my mom's house. Oprah, stinky candles, 10 kinds of lotion, I guess it's like going on a retreat. My question is: why does the cat always paw at the door and insist on being let in while she's in there?

It's some kinda poo voodoo, I tell ya!
 
As far as locations to poo, your priorities are to be in this order...Hotel, airport, plane.

If you missed the first option, the airport is ok, provided you stick to the "FAMILY" or "COMPANION" bathrooms. Usually very clean, large, and private. It is your own luxury suite!
 
Spinn555 said:
As far as locations to poo, your priorities are to be in this order...Hotel, airport, plane.

If you missed the first option, the airport is ok, provided you stick to the "FAMILY" or "COMPANION" bathrooms. Usually very clean, large, and private. It is your own luxury suite!
Click to expand...
You forgot to list CP V-mail slot as airport(1B)
PBR
 
What I really hate is when you had spicy food the night before, and that little piece of hot peeper, maybe a seed, who knows, it gets stuck in the tiny little cornhole wrinkles just at the exit hole. Burns like a mofo. I call it "peppercorn" krap.
 
Just have a few Hampton Inn Breakfast Sausage Patties (BSP). That will skip the brewing stages of the poo development…. Will skip immediately to the Chiitng part… . However some planning is required. Because if you do this right before you jump in the hotel van… that ride to the airport may seem a bit further than you remember.....

Use this guide...

1 Patty … Minimal effect
2 patties ….20 minutes
3 patties….. 12-15 minutes
4 patties ….5-10 minutes

Results may vary depending on how much egg, milk and fruit was consumed from the breakfast bar.

Warning:- all times are Approximate. Times and results may vary from one person to another.

Happy pooping.

On a side note. There use to be a place next to MDW that was only open during darkness… this place was nameless….& probably licensless as well, Had the best burritos you ever had in your life… granted I am comparing it to 4 years of vending machine food in the middle of the night from the FBO. Anyways the only draw back to this great burrito is that by the time you got back to the FBO (2 blocks away) you where ready to Explode that crap out of you… its amazing that human body can process that stuff that quick… with exception to the corn…. Off course… .
 
Spinn555 said:
As far as locations to poo, your priorities are to be in this order...Hotel, airport, plane.

If you missed the first option, the airport is ok, provided you stick to the "FAMILY" or "COMPANION" bathrooms. Usually very clean, large, and private. It is your own luxury suite!
Click to expand...

Ahhh, the proverbial "family" bathroom. No doubt a good suggestion for anyone in need of laying down a deuce. These things will give you peace and solitude like no other public restroom while you blow out an o-ring. I always look for the family bathroom first and then when someone tries to open the locked handle I laugh to myself at their misfortune because they must be experiencing that well known feeling of desperate despair....so close but yet so far away.
 

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