Please Help- problem with morning shows!

[Smacktard]

[FONT=&quot]Greetings all, I've been flying part 121 for several years now and I'd like to think that I'm becoming accustomed to the schedules and other hardships that come along with this job. However, quite recently I began experiencing a problem with my early morning shows that, in all honesty, have left me bewildered to say the least. You see, I’ve been doing early morning shows for the past 3 months now and about halfway through the 1st bid I started experiencing what can best be described as the "morning poo syndrome." (For the uninitiated, the morning poo’s occur at the same time everyday in a clockwork-like manner.) My problem arises in that at 4am the last thing I want to do (besides wake up) is take10 extra minutes to squeeze out a steamer. At first I thought that this was nothing more than a sporadic and peculiar occurrence but have since thought otherwise. In fact, I now have to wake up 10 minutes earlier every morning just to drop my monkey bomb. Let it be noted that while my girlfriend can take a dump in a mere 30 seconds I need a whole 10- 15 minutes to comfortably evacuate fecal matter. While the regularity of certain things in ones life my provide comfort in an otherwise fickle world, this is starting to wear thin on my already early mornings. My call goes out to anyone who has experienced the habitual experience of the morning poo’s and defeated it. [/FONT]

Damn, thank you for this breath of fresh air. Great thread!

 

[Max Q]

Am I the only person that read the last few sentences as:

"While the regularity of certain things in ones life my provide comfort in an otherwise fecal world, this is starting to wear thin on my already early mornings. My call goes out to anyone who has experienced the habitual experience of the morning poo’s and defecated it."



-Brett

 

[007]

You will be a full fledged regional pilot when you can not chit all day and only feel slight discomfort, kinda like the jumpseat on an RJ. Its the chit camel syndrome. When you get to the hotel room, its like a pavlovian thing, I can't walk through though the room door without almost krapping my drawers. You will be there someday grasshopper.
PBR

OMG....so totally true.

 

[M-crit]

Oh, and one more thing: You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.

 

[DoinTime]

I'm going to go the other way and say you need something to make you irregular. Try a brick of cheese before you go to bed at night. That will stop you up for at least 18 hours.

 

[acaTerry]

bump bump

 

[WalterSobchak]

bump bump

I was thinking more along the lines of "plop, plop"...

 

[CFI2766]

Yes, I am an adult now, and yes, poop jokes still make me laugh my a$$ off.

Now, my practical suggestion would be to not eat close to bed-time. Wake up hungry if necessary, but then have a big breakfast at the hotel buffet. Using this method, I have deferred the most important of the 'S' tasks until after the first leg of the day.

However, at all costs, do not eat just before bed, have a large buffet breakfast, and then have a cup of coffee for the van ride to the airport. It ain't no fun to have to squeeeeeze a turtle-head all the way from KMYR to KATL, especially with strong headwinds. And a non-functional synchro-phaser. Trust me on this.

 

[Cpt Oveur]

If you didn't put the hot sauce and cheese on those eggs, it won't be such a problem!

 

[acaTerry]

Yes, I am an adult now, and yes, poop jokes still make me laugh my a$$ off.

Now, my practical suggestion would be to not eat close to bed-time. Wake up hungry if necessary, but then have a big breakfast at the hotel buffet. Using this method, I have deferred the most important of the 'S' tasks until after the first leg of the day.

However, at all costs, do not eat just before bed, have a large buffet breakfast, and then have a cup of coffee for the van ride to the airport. It ain't no fun to have to squeeeeeze a turtle-head all the way from KMYR to KATL, especially with strong headwinds. And a non-functional synchro-phaser. Trust me on this.

But then you have to use those nasty airport bathrooms with shoeprints on the seat, rip curl at the edge, and peyoss all over the floor in front so you get peyoss on your pants when you lower them for the good ole bomb run.
Not to mention the TP tube which has been romoved from the holder so you get the germs of a thousand arses on you when you begin the cleanup.
Bwahgh! I still think my previous post had the best method.
Drink a Guinness the night before, right before bedtime. :beer: You'll wake up and within 10 minutes you'll be on the seat :0 , just relax it'll leap out . Geez, it'll throw itself at the water and you'll even have to shake and break it because it will be like a big clay snake. Fast finish and minimal wipeup too. You'll feel like a new man . It's been working for me since 1998.


That or the cheese idea from DoinTime.