Please Help- problem with morning shows!

[dispatchguy]

Quick poo joke:

Why is poo tapered on the ends?

So your solid outflow valve wont slam shut!

 

[Flybet3]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

B/c the nasty bit**es don't wipe!!! Since most of them think their sh*t doesn't stink.

 

[CFIcare]

B/c the nasty bit**es don't wipe!!! Since most of them think their sh*t doesn't stink.

Don't blow out your o-ring, dude!

 

[Flybet3]

Don't blow out your o-ring, dude!

:laugh:

 

[Varmint]

:laugh:

The worst is when your $hit/fart separator fails and you can't tell if you are going to squirt or fart.

 

[Flybet3]

The worst is when your $hit/fart separator fails and you can't tell if you are going to squirt or fart.

duuuuuuude that is just foul!! LOL

 

[CFIcare]

It's called "sharting."

It's kinda like playing craps, only odds are you'll lose.

 

[dojetdriver]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

Because they can't take the time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

What I want to know is, how come their farts smell so bad? I mean, I'm a self proclaimed Fuhr of Flatulence. But I've know some chicks that can put me to shame.

 

[dojetdriver]

Hey...

I would much rather wake up early in the morning...take the browns to the superbowl in the comfort of my own crapper that drive to work and have to dump a grumpy in a public pooper. And pooping in the plane is an emergency situation.

Yeah, I agee. When I was an FO I had an instance that qualified. Last turn of the day. My take off, on the taxi out I started getting the grundles, bad. I thought nothing of it and thought I'd be able to fart out the pressure.

Well, we blast off for AMA. Right after liftoff, the grundles got WORSE, WAY WORSE. The pressurization cycle kicks in and I start going to full on cramps. It's so bad I can't even sit straight in the seat and pain is oh so bad. Feels like a seal is gonna blow. I tell the CA I gotta go. He asks if I can hang on till 10K, so I say yeah, suck up the pain, and zoom it up. Sitting sideways mind you because the pain is so freaking bad.

Anyway, we get past 10K and I hobble back to the sh1tter. Holy cow, talk about spawning a brown trout. Godamn thing took two flushes and plenty of blue juice to get it down. Never have a laid a Cook Straight cable like that before, much less on a plane.

Man, that felt great when I was done. Wish I would of had my camera phone with me to get a picture of it so I could send it www.ratemypoo.com

 

[wlacy]

Never trust a fart after morning coffee...you just might get more than you bargained for. lol.

 

[CFIcare]

Ok, I refuse to click on "ratemypoo.com"...though I have a few friends who undoubtably will race to post their own creations.

This is the Second Coming of the "Diarreah in a Freighter" thread.

Or the second wave...

 

[WalterSobchak]

Ok, I refuse to click on "ratemypoo.com"...though I have a few friends who undoubtably will race to post their own creations

I have a friend that has been posting his creations on that site for years (the same friend used to take pics of his 'creations' on our cameras as a surprise for us later on).

I, on the other hand, am with you and refuse to click. There are limits to crap humour.

 

[wlacy]

A man should be proud of his own concoctions no matter how rancid the odor may be.

 

[dispatchguy]

Not too long ago I started a medication that, well, created deep in my innards a black tar water, that, when expelled, I swear inside body parts came out.

The Dumb and Dumber toilet scene didnt have nothing on me - but damn, I felt better...

Oh, and the odor - even my dog wouldnt come close for a bit...

 

[crxpilot]

The Poopie List

THE POOPIE LIST


Ghost Poopie The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain. Second Wave Poopie This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. Gassy Poopie It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing. Drinker Poopie The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. Lincoln Log Poopie The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. Corn Poopie Self-explanatory. Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. Spinal Tap Poopie That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways. Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water. Liquid Poopie The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl. Mexican Poopie It smells so bad your nose burns. The Surprise Poopie You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!! The Dangling Poopie This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

 

[WMUSIGPI]

The one nice thing about the A model over B model Saabs... at least when a pax destroyed the lav it had to whaff through the entire plane to get to you instead of attacking you immediatly after the FA.
Hopefully by then you were already on the ground.

 

[Colonel Savage]

Nothing a little Colon Blow won't take care of. Like my Grand Ma used to say, "A well lived life begins with a clean colon". Then she would shove a broom stick up Grand Paw's a$$.

Savages at their best!

 

[Grinder10]

If you feel like you might shart you can always fold a paper towel and insert it into you crack as a manpon.

 

[Ezralite]

During my high school/college years I worked with a guy who, every morning at precisely 10am, had to take his raisin bran dump. As his boss I was at first annoyed by it but then had to accept it. What are you gonna do, tell him he can't go?

 

[mamba20]

I always go by the 3 C's. Coffee, Cigarette and CNN. Regardless of the time of day the combination of the 3 generally helps produce a movement.