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What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

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ERJpusher said:
I was going to the back of an already-boarded aircraft to use the lav prior to departure. On my way back, some dude yells, "Hey!! You goin' back there to puke because you're too drunk to fly? Heh, heh, heh!"
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That person should have been removed from the flight without hesitation. That is hostility towards a crew member. Who knows how he'll act towards the f/a and the problems he'll cause once the flight departs? Gone!
 
Stopped at a burger king one night on the way home.....

No sir you don't have to pay, bus drivers eat free. :) I stopped there a bunch for late nite snacks.

Had a friend that worked for a notorious pain in the ass owner of a GIV.

"Are you a fing a hole too?"
my friend, "no I'm a fing ahole one, he's fing ahole too"
"you're fired"

He walked off the plane and they had to rehire him before he got to his car so she could go to europe. :)

On the ultra the handle goes unlock-stow-lock
When you lock it you go back to stow

Pax comes up 3 hours into the flight at FL450 and says "do you know the door is open?" sigh

Landed in LGA one day and the pax says, I wanted to go to nyc. Yup you're here. No i wanted to go to the city.... um huh?
 
My old boss got asked.

"you live here all your life?"

Not yet
 
T-Storm Chaser said:
I had one like that too


Idoit: So what do you do for a living?

Me: I fly freight

Idiot: Huh?

Me: I am a cargo pilot

Idiot: So one day do you want to be a real pilot?

I just laughed at the dude and returned to hitting on his girlfriend. I ended up dating her a couple weeks later.
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Looks like you're a "real pilot" now.

Gup
 
Personal Favorite...

after a flight a lady brings her kid to the cockpit so they both can have a look. After the normal ooohhh and ahhhh, the woman states, "Wow, that's alot of buttons and switchs." to which I reply, "Yeah, and we know what most of them do." Her eyes got saucer sized and they left immediately.

Q. Gee this airplane is small?
A. Try parking it in your driveway!

Q. Gee this airplane is small?
A. Ma'am there are two things you never tell a man is small, and one is his airplane.

Q. Do they ever let 2 women pilots fly together?
A. Only as a last resort.

Q. Why do they call it a cockpit? (was asked this in the boarding gate area)
A. After immediately thinking of some sick penis type answer, I got so tickled, I just stood and walked away without saying a word.
 
Yesterday I was in Austin, in line to get a snack when some guy comes up and says "So what airline do you work for?" And he said it in that tone that suggests if I answer with whatever airline he's flying on, he's going to start yelling at me for all the problems he's having that day. And not wanting to get into the conversation of what airline I really work for, I just say United Express.

He then asks me, "Oh good, so you know where all the video games are in the terminal right?" It was the first time in a long time I was at a complete loss for words.
 
A few weeks back we were on final approach and I called for "gear down..." and DING, DING, DING - "GEAR DISAGREE." Only the nose wheel came down. We ran the QRH, notified ATC, the F/A, and the Captain made a PA.

Dropped the gear manually and landed uneventfully. After the flight a female passeger asked me if it was standard procedure to tell the passengers that something is wrong with the airplane?

My polite response: "well ma'm, our stance is that if there is an abnormal situation it's best to keep our passengers informed."

Pax: "well, i'm a therapist and all that did was scare me and my mother"

Me: "Ma'm, I was flying the airplane so I'm not certain what was said over the PA but most people that fly frequently get very anxious when we are moments from landing and then have to circle over a lake and cycle the landing gear up and down, up and down, up and down. If we don't inform our passengers, their imgainations could just run wild.

Pax: "well I still disagree but I'm just happy you guys got us here safely."
 
A few years ago when I stopped instructing to take on a 2nd full time job (pay off the flying loans), one of my co-workers asked me, "Have you ever crashed?"
 
pgcfii2002 said:
A few years ago when I stopped instructing to take on a 2nd full time job (pay off the flying loans), one of my co-workers asked me, "Have you ever crashed?"
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I know several people who have crashed, and many more who've come uncomfortably close to crashing. In fact, if I remember correctly, even Maverick crashed once.

-Blucher
 
Blucher said:
I know several people who have crashed, and many more who've come uncomfortably close to crashing. In fact, if I remember correctly, even Maverick crashed once.

-Blucher
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RIP Goose.
 
PositionandHold said:
Had a potential student ask me if I was "allowed" to fly alone. I thought that was an honest to goodness stupid question.
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I've gotten that one before. My answer: "Nope! I have to have a student onboard."

I had another good one from one of my instrument students while we were debriefing. A call on the PA came asking any available instructors to help taxi a few airplanes to the maintenance hangar for the night. My student: "Why do they only let instructors do that?" This is the same student who likes to try to justify that he's on the same flying level as the instructors. That gets old.
 
I was standing at the flight deck door (in full uniform) saying bye to the passengers. As they deplaned this lady stops and asks me if I'm the pilot.
 
I got a phone call from a buddy of mine that was working a flight I had dispatched out of CLT. He was telling me about his FA that approached him in the jetway prior to boarding and asked him why their flight from CLT to BHM was only 23 minutes. He tried to explain to her that the flight was actually 1:23 but clock time shows only 23 minutes because of the time zone change. She still didn't understand and said that she had done this flight several times and it always seemed like it was longer than 23 minutes. I got a good laugh out of that one.
 
CherryBomb said:
I just got off work and I was comming home from my tour at a fractional. A Mesa flight attendant asked me if I was looking for a job and she told me that if I was lucky I could get hired and fly one of their big CRJ's...
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And she was saying "hi" to ppl at Walmart two days prior. She is now working at IAD as a TSA agent.
 
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Just before push in a commuter plane we needed a pax count so we axed the FA how many people were on board.

Pilot: How may folks are back there?
FA: We have 20 open seats. Whats 37 minus 20?
 
OH geese so many questions:

Flying on SWA from HOU to DFW, a passenger turns to me and asks "are they lined up on the right runway?"
__________________________________________
Another SWA trip from RDU to BNA, we where running to the gate to try and make the last flight out (which was delayed for weather I believe). I find a seat between an older woman and a younger guy. The women strikes up a conversation:

Her: Are you a pilot?
Me: Yes.
Her: Is the Chieftan a good airplane?
Me: I believe so.
Her: My husband died on one of those.

She said it just so matter of factly that I was stunned. What do you say? I mean you could have replaced the sentence with "my husband flies on of those" she said it so casually. She kept asking annoying questions...finally asking "do you know what might have caused the crash?" I wanted to respond with: "To get away from you" but I couldn't do it.
__________________________________________
Got this all the time out of MSP

FA: A passenger wants to know what lake that is
Me: Looking down at 200 lakes: "That is Lake Chickawa"

I had to have been right at least once :)
__________________________________________
Ok Not an aviation question, but it is fun to see the looks on people's faces when I answer

Them: Oh, you're from Kansas, do you live in Kansas City?
Me: No, Kansas City is not in Kansas.
Them: :erm:

Them: Well do you know Dorothy?
Me: No I don't f*cking know Dorothy, Dorothy is a character played by an actress on a f*cking movie that I wish would f*cking go away.
 
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CA1900 said:
HA! Was that the Sherwinator? :uzi: (love the new smileys)

Stupidest question I got was from the clerk at a convenience store in downtown Plattsburgh, NY, in the middle of February:

"So....." He looks up and down at my uniform. "Are you in the Navy?"

It was all I could do to hold back mentioning that the closest body of water that wasn't a solid brick of ice was the Atlantic Ocean, a couple hundred miles away.

"Uhh... no."
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Don't laugh man, can you believe we have a Coast Gaurd unit here in PHX? We really do!
 
turbodriver said:
Relax, Bush and Co. will soon replace all of them with the non-english speaking, minimum wage earning, not giving a $hit private screeners. All because the Dept. of homeland security needs to save money.

Securing the country is secondary.
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Oh another idiot who can find a way to blame Bush for EVERYTHING! Stop yer crybabying....
 
Doing a static display in Santa Monica for NJA, with my mighty Beechjet...
One chick comes up and asks me if it's a jet or a prop.
Not 10 minutes later another comes up and asks where the engines are. Sometimes even the hillbillies look smart!
 
Its a tie for me,

1. After a 15 hr day and one leg to go, an old lady asks where the safest seat in the house is. Because she sounds like our annoying a** flight attendant, i simply say in the back without looking who was asking the question. Next question from her was " Why is that?". In frustration i say " When was the last time you heard of an airplane backing into to a fu***** mountain. FO starts laughing and suddenly stops, its then we both realize its a grandma with her grandchild in tow.

2. Kid asks if im a cop. I politely say, "No, they belong to a real union".
 
ksu_aviator said:
Them: Oh, you're from Kansas, do you live in Kansas City?
Me: No, Kansas City is not in Kansas.
Click to expand...

Really?

I would think that anyone from Kansas would know that there is, in fact, a Kansas City, Kansas......and it's only the third largest city in the state.

I understand your point, but you're actually more incorrect than the "stupid" person posing the question.
 
Gottafly74 said:
Its a tie for me,



2. Kid asks if im a cop. I politely say, "No, they belong to a real union".
Click to expand...

ha i got that once in line at a taco bell....me and my buddy standin there we say no we are pilot....turns around and sais that sucks, you should be "polices "
 

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