What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[Way2Broke]

Going through security with my other 2 crew members with all of us in full uniform working a flight. Security agent asks "do you have a boarding pass". My response was "no did'nt you know it is halloween, we just are dressing up in this uniform for the fun of it".

They pay these security people how much?

More than you, sad hu?

 

[~~~^~~~]

1. While going to the head on the E120 between Wilmington NC and ATL a little 80 something german lady asked me when we were going to arrive in Frankfurt? I told her that we were going to Atlanta and she showed me her ticket to Frankfurt and assured me that was where we were going. She then sat down in a huff.

2. Again on the E120, while enroute to Charleston West Virginia. Can you drop us off in Charleston South Carolina? We bought a ticket to Charleston West Virginia, but we meant to go to Charleston South Carolina and we have a hotel room there.

3. Isn't this airplane smaller than the ones you used to fly here? Why yes, we washed it in hot water and it shrunk. The more we wash it, the smaller it gets.

4. If a fly takes off and is flying around the cabin, does the airplane weigh less?

5. And I hate to drag my mother into this, but for six years the question has been, "What airline do you fly for?" It took me three years to convince her I was not a Delta pilot, nor would I likely be a Delta pilot at any point in the future. She now thinks I fly for Southwest. In reality I fly for Atlantic Southeast Airlines a wholly owned subsidiary of SkyWest Airline Holdings, serving Delta Connection.

 

[WMUSIGPI]

from a flight attendant that overheard me talking about figuring out how to pay all my bills....

You mean I (the flight attendant) make more money than you, How is that possible? (good question)

At McDonalds back when my flight school used to make us dress up like airline captains...
So how's the Navy treating ya these days?

From passengers...
Why does this plane have 4 engines?
Are you on strike like the mechanics?
How do you know what all those guages are doing?
How do you know where to land?

And I have only been on the line for 3 months. Unfortunately it looks like it's going to end at 4

 

[NuGuy]

Dumbest Answer....

I was working the BE-1900 out in the Mid-west on one of those multi-stop EAS runs.

As many know, being the door man on the BE-1900 is an invitation for all sorts of comments about the size of your airplane, airline, and probably the legitimacy of your birth, not to mention speculation amongst the great unwashed as to the motive power behind your chariot, the most popular selections being rubber bands or small domesticated rodents.

Anyway, I'm standing there (or trying to, with the 30 knot wind) at 0545, ankle deep in snow, with the temperature hovering around -459F, and Missy here comes meadering out to the airplane. She looks up and in a huff declares that "this is the smallest airplane I've ever be on". To which I reply "Well, this is the smallest town I've ever been to, so I guess we're even".

Well, turns out that some folks in the Mid-west have a slight lack in the sense of humor when it comes to their home town. The station manager got a nasty gram from Missy. Fortunately, he was a bud of mine, and prompty sh!t canned it.

Lesson learned....

Nu

 

[Mach.75]

We had to go-around at the FAF(lost LOC, in/out of WX) and consequently had to divert. Inside the terminal, we all got out and a PAX came up all irate:
"Why didn't you land? I could see the streetlights, you should've just followed those in?" We told him thanks for the novel idea but we didn't see the sign for the airport.

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Passenger: "How soon can you land?
Me: "I can't tell."
Passenger: "You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Me: "NO, I mean I'm just not sure.
Passenger: "Well, can't you take a guess?
Me: "Well, not for another 2 hours.
Passenger: "You can't take a guess for another 2 hours?"

 

[Ty Webb]

One of my personal favorites, not so much a question, but it has happened to me at least four or five times now:
I'm out on the curb in front of the airport smoking a cigarette, in full uniform, including "skycap" hat. Random elderly lady approaches with luggage, drops it at my feet, and pauses, looking at me for about 20 seconds before screaming "So are you gonna get the bags or not?!?!?" "No ma'am," I reply, "I was thinking of maybe flying the airplane today."

I used to complain about being asked for directions, until a black friend of mine, a SWA CA, said, "At least they don't expect you to take their bags" . .

One more reason to ditch the hat, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[PingPong]

I am standing in line waiting to go through security when a lady runs up to me and says "My family and I just got paged over the intercom because we are late for our flight, How do we get to the gate without going through security because we don't have time for that"

I looked back at her with so many responses running through my mind I think 5 minutes passed before I just said "No mam, there is no other way, you're gonna have to go through security."

What the #$%& did she think they could just walk through a secret doorway somewhere and bypass security. I told her if she finds a way to get to the gate a different way to let me know because I fly these damn things and I'm stuck waiting in line a heck of a lot longer then I'd like to be.

 

[NoahWerka]

Back in the commuter scum days, we would fly into small airports with only one or two gates. Since we were the only commercial servece at that airport there would only be one aircraft at the gate.

Gate Agent: Flight xxxx now boarding for ??? through Gate 1. Please have your Boarding Pass ready.

Pax file out to aircraft, looking around and start boarding. No other aircraft in sight. As a rule the Capt. or FO greeted them as they boarded.

Pax: Hi , how are you doing. Is it going to be bumpy?

Me: I don't know, but on the way here it was fairly smooth.

Pax: Is this the plane the one going to ???..?

Me: Uhh, I don't know where we are going yet, I haven't looked at the bag
tags.

Pax: Uhh, I thought this plane was going to ???.

Me: ( Looking around with a quizzical look on my face for another airplane) Duh, well if that is what the bag tags say, I guess that's where we are going.

One gate, flight announcement, one aircraftand they ask if we are going to ???

 

[smellthejeta]

Back in the commuter scum days, we would fly into small airports with only one or two gates. Since we were the only commercial servece at that airport there would only be one aircraft at the gate.

Gate Agent: Flight xxxx now boarding for ??? through Gate 1. Please have your Boarding Pass ready.

Pax file out to aircraft, looking around and start boarding. No other aircraft in sight. As a rule the Capt. or FO greeted them as they boarded.

Pax: Hi , how are you doing. Is it going to be bumpy?

Me: I don't know, but on the way here it was fairly smooth.

Pax: Is this the plane the one going to ???..?

Me: Uhh, I don't know where we are going yet, I haven't looked at the bag
tags.

Pax: Uhh, I thought this plane was going to ???.

Me: ( Looking around with a quizzical look on my face for another airplane) Duh, well if that is what the bag tags say, I guess that's where we are going.

One gate, flight announcement, one aircraftand they ask if we are going to ???

Hehe. I've actually seen flights loaded (and depart) with the wrong bags. Apparently, you need to serve more than one destination from a particular airport for that to happen