What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[B314Clipper]

Not a question but I do have a stupid passenger trick. We were flying a J-41 from RIC to IAD. To board the plane, passengers were sent down the stairs and across the ramp. There was almost never a ramper down at the base of the stairs to help people, but most figured out that they went straight ahead to the airplane with the open door.
I was the FO and the Captain and I were getting ready to go while the FA dealt with folks. Parked next to us was a UAL B727 (which should date the story for you right there). Between the two gates was a construction area with saw horses, flashing lights, police tape, and an open hole. A mother daughter pair come down the stairs and start to head for the J41. The mother then makes a sharp 90 degree turn, weaves her way through the construction, and over to the UAL jetway, going up the stairs and fighting with the locked door.
The Capt and I are watching this whole play while the United FE comes around the wing doing his walk a round. He sees the pax and goes over to them. We then watch a great slent show as the FE keeps pointing to our plane while the lady points to the 727. She finally admits defeat and walks back to us.
All she says as she gets on board is, "I thought we were on the BIG plane." I really wanted to ask her, if that was the case, why she thought that they wouldn't board with the jetway instead of using the obstacle course.
Bonus: On the same flight we had a passenger ask where they could plug in their laptop's power. On a J41 turboprop from Richmond to Dulles...

 

[Lequip]

its good BYE

other than that...funny joke!

You mean It's good BYE you dumb a$$.

 

[B314Clipper]

Following a MX delay:

"Is this plane safe to fly?"

"Why no, it's actually a deathtrap, I just like to live dangerously."

I still get this one, from flying C-152s to Airbus:

"Aren't you scared to fly?"

"Why yes, I'm terrified of flying, that's why I became a pilot."

Also have to love the people who come up to you while your talking on the phone and immediately start to ask questions. Not even an "Excuse me" just "Where is gate so and so?"

 

[viper548]

"Aren't you scared to fly?"

Yea, we're filming an episode of Fear Factor on todays flight

 

[skyslug]

Several years ago we had to hold for about 30 minutes or so due to weather at our destination. When we arrived, a guy with one of those obnoxious Nascar jackets asked me if I was practicing to be a Nascar driver "cuz of all those left (or right, I don't do Nascar) hand turns" we were doing. He was serious.

I simply smiled and told him "No, there was weather at our airport and we had to wait for it to clear".

He then proceeded to ask me...and I kid you not...if this plane (a CRJ) was as fast as a Nascar. I told him we did in deed fly faster than his beloved Nascars. His eyes got huge and his face was lit with disbelief. He kept saying "no way you guys are faster than a Nascar? They go 200 (?) MPH."

He proceeded to argue with me (for several minutes and thought our plane had propellers) when I told him we fly along about 500 MPH over the ground. He said I was probably mistaken. Said the Nascar was much faster than this jet, shook his head and left.

All I could do was smile and try with all my might to not laugh and then smack that stupid Winston hat off his mullet-head!

so that has to be the dumbest question I've ever been asked.

 

[freeflyer14]

I think skyslug may be the winner... that is freaking hilarious

 

[NuGuy]

SkySlug,

Have you been touched by His Noodley Appendage?

Nu

 

[skyslug]

yes...and don't forget he created a mountain, a tree and a midget!

 

[Tram]

I was flying with two students the other day on the way to their checkrides and was eating breakfast in the airplane - well when I finished my milk I told the kid flying I was going to throw my empty bottle out the window and he just looked at me like I was crazy and then I said "nah, I'll just keep it in here, I don't want it to get stuck on a cloud"

and he looked at me and said "Man, I've always wondered if that would happen.. do you really think it would???"

 

[eight8kcabpilot]

This happened yesterday.
In the van ride back to the hotel a lady (about 45 years old) chuckles and asks "aren't you too young to be a pilot?" I chuckle and reply "You know, I get that question from old ladies all the time"


A co-worker of mine who flies the B1900 was riding the pole in the descent and accidentally set the overspeed alarm off. Those of you who fly or have flown the 1900 know that it is really loud and it usually scares the passengers. After they landed, one of the passengers asked the FO if there was some kind of an emergency because he had heard the alarm. The FO looked him straight in the eyes and said "the alarm sounds when cell phones are turned on during flight."


Here is a good one.

A brand new FA (who is not the sharpest tool in the shed) calls the flight deck to tell them the cabin is secure and she is ready for takeoff.
"ding dong"
FO: Hello
FApause)...is this Captain Rice?
CA: (who jumps on before the FO could answer) No. This is the Pentagon. Who is this! How did you get this number?!
FA: (hangs up)
"ding dong"
CA: Hello
FA: Captain Rice?
CA: No this is the Pentagon. Who is this?! This is a secure number!! How did you get this Number?!
FA: (hangs up)
"ding dong"
CA: Hello
FA: ...um...Captain Rice?
CA: Yeah, what do you need?
FA: OH MY GOD, you won't believe what just happened!! (and she tells him the whole story how she talked to the pentagon)