What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[Foxcow]

While deadheading on NWA I could just tell he wanted to talk to me. You know, you can see out of the corner of your eye that he's looking at you and is about to say something. Something stupid. So you feign sleep. Close the eyes, act tired and irritable. Pretend he isn't there. Nobody would bother someone who is obvioulsy tired and trying to get some sleep.

"So, ya checkriding home?"

Open one eye, turn head and give him that look, turn head back and close eye. Then, I sat there wishing that all of my checkrides were this easy.

Pilots aren't the only ones who have to suffer this. My dad spent 30 years as a cop and I think they get more stupid questions than pilots do.

That is the best one! I have to admit, I do try and fake sleep so people don't talk to me.

 

[MackyG1]

Not an FA this porfile has not been updated in a while.

 

[jtrain609]

I had a new flight attendant ask me a question once. She was a young, knockout blonde, that just quit her job at hooters in OH and decided she wanted to fly. SO she asks " how long was your training?" i say, oh, about 8 weeks. She looks puzzled and says " My training was six weeks, I should have done the other two weeks and been a pilot......"

I sh*t you not.............

And she is there for all of our safety...

 

[AV80R]

we had just started the #2 engine in the 1900D and all of a sudden a woman is standing right behind us tapping our shoulders almost in a panic....says we can't leave yet b/c the engine she was sitting next to (#1) was not spinning....she was convinced we were going to take off with one engine.....if i wasn't in such shock i would have replied "sorry, we're saving money on gas so that you can have a cheaper ticket..."

Had a similar thing happen in a Jetstream except the lady who came up was less than friendly. She tapped my buddy on his shoulders pretty hard and when he slammed on the breaks and turned around to see what the heck just happened, she said in a very loud voice: “Hello!? Do you need a passenger to let you know that one of your engines is broke?!?!?!”


Without a pause, my friend makes an announcement to all the passengers:

“Ladies & gentlemen - as you can tell, only one engine is running at this time. We would like to assure you that is perfectly normal. Our procedures call for using the left engine to fly to the destination and the right engine to bring it back!” At that point the lady says: “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that!” and she proceeds back to her seat… I had tears in my eyes for the rest of the flight…

 

[#%&@$!]

Shortly after 9/11, after TSA had been operating for about a week, one of them asked me, "why we wear those cute outfits"

 

[SPilot]

student: Who made those magnetic flux lines for the compass to work?

 

[ikillbigfoot]

Couple months ago flying from Boston to Philly.

"Ding"

FA- 'YES, ONE OF THE PASSENGERS ARE WONDERING WHAT THE LARGE BODY OF WATER TO THE LEFT IS?'

ME- 'YEAH THAT'S THE ATLANTIC OCEAN' (the only thing you can see out the left!)

What's even funnier.......

FA- 'OKAY THANKS' click (she didn't know either!!!!)

 

[jagmagic]

Flew the Jetstream 3100 for a while, after each flight had to spin the props and when pax saw me they would ask if I was spining up the rubber bands

 

[CHQFA00]

Pax-"Are they old enough to fly the plane?"

Me-"Huh? Didn't you know, it's take your son/daughter to work day?"

 

[yahooair]

got this the other day...while i was getting out of the cockpit..
so, do you speak english? i just smiled...what could i say??

 

[yahooair]

but it wasnt as bad as ...where are we going??
this one was asked in flight

 

[WestSide]

I was a passenger on a flight from White Plains to Chicago when a I heard the girl across from me (about 18-20 years old) ask her dad which ocean was out her window. When she asked this, we were on descent into ORD at around 15,000 feet. Her dad then replied that it was the Atlantic Ocean in all seriousness. And of course she believed him.

 

[vectorvictor]

I was deadheading in uniform in a 1900 from Albany to Boston. A elderly lady was sitting beside me. The Capt started #2 and a minute or so later she leaned over to me and said," Boy this thing is loud, when is it going to get quieter?" The door was still open at the time so I think she was referring to when the FO was going to close the Cabin Door but I just couldn't resist. I leaned over and answered her, "Hopefully when we get to Boston."

 

[doh]

When can you start?




Oh wait, that wasn't the dumbest question, it was me who replied with the dumbest answer...


...two weeks.:crying:








Sorry, venting.

Drew, you are cracking me up! Thanks!:beer:

 

[unreal]

I get good questions asked even as a CFI. My favorite:

Person: "How many hours do you have?"
Me: "Oh, about 500 or thereabouts."
Person: "So...what do you need so that you can be a commercial pilot?"
Me: "Well, usually I need the little plastic card in my wallet is all."

 

[yahooair]

how about the best when youre a non rev.. is this airplane safe? yeah i like to fly on dangerous airplanes...

 

[NEDude]

While waiting on a late inbound: "Is the airplane coming in from someplace else?"

If I were quick witted the response would have been to the effect - "Nope, they are just bolting the wings on over at the factory on the other side of the airport. They are running a bit behind today so we are just going to have to trust they got all the screws tight."

 

[CherryBomb]

I just got off work and I was comming home from my tour at a fractional. A Mesa flight attendant asked me if I was looking for a job and she told me that if I was lucky I could get hired and fly one of their big CRJ's...

 

[Foxcow]

I just got off work and I was comming home from my tour at a fractional. A Mesa flight attendant asked me if I was looking for a job and she told me that if I was lucky I could get hired and fly one of their big CRJ's...

Oh man, how did you keep from laughing in her face?

 

[captain dad]

"Oh! You're a pilot? Do you know bob Jensen? He's a pilot."

Yes! I know all 200,000 + FAA certified pilots! Dumb ASS!!

 

[FlyFastLiveSlow]

Where are the parachutes??

There are two in the cockpit.......in case we need to go get help!

 

[siucavflight]

"Are you scared of heights? I heard most pilots are"

 

[doh]

I had a new flight attendant ask me a question once. She was a young, knockout blonde, that just quit her job at hooters in OH and decided she wanted to fly. SO she asks " how long was your training?" i say, oh, about 8 weeks. She looks puzzled and says " My training was six weeks, I should have done the other two weeks and been a pilot......"

I sh*t you not.............

Ummmm, I can give you a crash course in my room!:laugh:

 

[doh]

After enduring the typical questions from the guy next to me on a deadhead (late 20's-early 30's, probably still-lived-with-Mom type sorta like the "Sweeeeet" guy in the Dodge commercials) he gets this far-away look in his eyes and says in all seriousness: "Wow, you guys must get laid all the time."

That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. This is the dumbest question I've ever been asked:

You shoulda told him "every night! unfortunately I'm all alone when it happens!:blush: :0

 

[ATRCAPT]

I was commuting home from OAK on a particularly crappy, rainy day. A QX Q-400 was at the next gate over. Some tool turned to me and said, "My God, they aren't going to fly the prop plane in weather like this are they?" I wanted to rip his arm off, and beat him to death with the bloody end.

 

[scott hall]

I have had pilots ask me when they would get a fair contract.....LMAO!

 

[MJG]

Well after reading through all 24 pages of this thread I can't believe no one else has been asked this before but about a year ago in the terminal in EWR a lady turns to me and says "why do you guys bring a suit case?", I kid you not.

Other fond memories:

From the 1900 days,

Q- Smart*ss passenge asks "What's the inflight movie?"
A- "Ha ha good one, it's actually Gone With the Wind"

About 3 years and 2000 hours of Beech time later:
Q- Different smart*ss passenger "What's the inflight movie?"
A- without even breaking a smile "A documentary on why small planes crash"

More fond memories:
Q- "Are you our pilot today?"
A- "No but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night"

Couple months ago I went back into the cabin after the passengers had aleady boarded to get a pillow to support my lower back. Nice looking lady looks at me and says "what do you need that for?" Without hesitation I tell her that "I'm really tired and I want to sleep on the flight back". She was speechless.

About a year ago deadheading in the cabin, the guy sitting across the aisle looks over at me. "You're a pilot huh?" "Yea" I reply. This d**che bag says to me "boy that must be tough on your marriage." I wanted to punch him right in the face.

 

[ERJpusher]

I was going to the back of an already-boarded aircraft to use the lav prior to departure. On my way back, some dude yells, "Hey!! You goin' back there to puke because you're too drunk to fly? Heh, heh, heh!" Well, he wasn't laughing long, and neither was anyone else after I pulled myself from the flight for a drug test. The gate agent said all of the other pax were staring daggers into the guy after the flight was announced as "Cancelled".

My favorite story came from a female FO that had just started with our company. She was previously an FO on a B-1900. It was customary to leave the cockpit curtain open during the flight, so the passengers could see everything that was going on up front. The captain was flying. He pushed the throttles up for takeoff and the FO put her hand behind the levers as per procedure. After the flight, a woman was deplaning and said to the crew, "Unbelievable. How dare you act like that?" The captain and the FO looked at each other in bewilderment. A few days later, the FO got a call from the Chief Pilot. He said that a passenger on that flight had written a complaint letter, stating that "the Flight Attendant was holding hands with the captain during takeoff." Furthermore, the FA never served any drinks, either.

CLASSIC...

 

[Flyingdutchman]

how about the best when youre a non rev.. is this airplane safe? yeah i like to fly on dangerous airplanes...

HAHAH

happenend to me as well...

"sir, is this airplane safe ?"

"well, would I be on it if I thought it isnt !?"

 

[ATRCAPT]

I was commuting from SEA to PDX on a Horizon DHC8 a couple of years ago, and for whatever reason the airplane had been down graded to CAT I only. There was fog at PDX and the crew ended up going missed on the ILS and diverted to Redmond to wait out the wx. While climbing out of PDX the FO made a PA explaining that they had missed the approach and would be proceeding to the alternate. While we were sitting on the ramp in Redmond a woman in the row in front of me called her husband on her cell phone telling him to call their lawyer. She wanted to sue the airline for incompetence because the Pilots "completely missed the airport".

When she hung up I tactfully explained what had actually happened.

Stupid woman. Get away from me, I could save your life.