What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[I Hate Freight]

I was going to the back of an already-boarded aircraft to use the lav prior to departure. On my way back, some dude yells, "Hey!! You goin' back there to puke because you're too drunk to fly? Heh, heh, heh!"

That person should have been removed from the flight without hesitation. That is hostility towards a crew member. Who knows how he'll act towards the f/a and the problems he'll cause once the flight departs? Gone!

 

[Diesel]

Stopped at a burger king one night on the way home.....

No sir you don't have to pay, bus drivers eat free. I stopped there a bunch for late nite snacks.

Had a friend that worked for a notorious pain in the ass owner of a GIV.

"Are you a fing a hole too?"
my friend, "no I'm a fing ahole one, he's fing ahole too"
"you're fired"

He walked off the plane and they had to rehire him before he got to his car so she could go to europe.

On the ultra the handle goes unlock-stow-lock
When you lock it you go back to stow

Pax comes up 3 hours into the flight at FL450 and says "do you know the door is open?" sigh

Landed in LGA one day and the pax says, I wanted to go to nyc. Yup you're here. No i wanted to go to the city.... um huh?

 

[nyboilermaker]

I had a passenger ask the Captain, "Are we going to die?"

His response was, "YES! But not today."

Classic.

 

[Diesel]

My old boss got asked.

"you live here all your life?"

Not yet

 

[GuppyWN]

I had one like that too


Idoit: So what do you do for a living?

Me: I fly freight

Idiot: Huh?

Me: I am a cargo pilot

Idiot: So one day do you want to be a real pilot?

I just laughed at the dude and returned to hitting on his girlfriend. I ended up dating her a couple weeks later.

Looks like you're a "real pilot" now.

Gup

 

[PositionandHold]

Had a potential student ask me if I was "allowed" to fly alone. I thought that was an honest to goodness stupid question.

 

[OldManPilot]

Personal Favorite...

after a flight a lady brings her kid to the cockpit so they both can have a look. After the normal ooohhh and ahhhh, the woman states, "Wow, that's alot of buttons and switchs." to which I reply, "Yeah, and we know what most of them do." Her eyes got saucer sized and they left immediately.

Q. Gee this airplane is small?
A. Try parking it in your driveway!

Q. Gee this airplane is small?
A. Ma'am there are two things you never tell a man is small, and one is his airplane.

Q. Do they ever let 2 women pilots fly together?
A. Only as a last resort.

Q. Why do they call it a cockpit? (was asked this in the boarding gate area)
A. After immediately thinking of some sick penis type answer, I got so tickled, I just stood and walked away without saying a word.

 

[flyer172r]

Yesterday I was in Austin, in line to get a snack when some guy comes up and says "So what airline do you work for?" And he said it in that tone that suggests if I answer with whatever airline he's flying on, he's going to start yelling at me for all the problems he's having that day. And not wanting to get into the conversation of what airline I really work for, I just say United Express.

He then asks me, "Oh good, so you know where all the video games are in the terminal right?" It was the first time in a long time I was at a complete loss for words.

 

[wickedpilot]

A few weeks back we were on final approach and I called for "gear down..." and DING, DING, DING - "GEAR DISAGREE." Only the nose wheel came down. We ran the QRH, notified ATC, the F/A, and the Captain made a PA.

Dropped the gear manually and landed uneventfully. After the flight a female passeger asked me if it was standard procedure to tell the passengers that something is wrong with the airplane?

My polite response: "well ma'm, our stance is that if there is an abnormal situation it's best to keep our passengers informed."

Pax: "well, i'm a therapist and all that did was scare me and my mother"

Me: "Ma'm, I was flying the airplane so I'm not certain what was said over the PA but most people that fly frequently get very anxious when we are moments from landing and then have to circle over a lake and cycle the landing gear up and down, up and down, up and down. If we don't inform our passengers, their imgainations could just run wild.

Pax: "well I still disagree but I'm just happy you guys got us here safely."

 

[pgcfii2002]

A few years ago when I stopped instructing to take on a 2nd full time job (pay off the flying loans), one of my co-workers asked me, "Have you ever crashed?"