Please Help- problem with morning shows!

[Beaver79]

Raw onions, fill your burger/burrito to the limit, hit it with habenero based hotsauce. Add coleslaw, and pork and beans for consistency, corn on the cob for tracers. Stand back and collect some ice for your tater, cause the eruption will be something to behold! You will wanna bronze that baby!
PBR
Caution NEVER, repeat NEVER, use the above with cheap chinese(MSG) airport food, the batter eruption is uncontrollable and will spatter everything within an arms reach, including your junk(backsplash), wiping off said junk is messy and embarrassing to boot!

I crop-dusted some pax recently on my way to the back not to long ago...boy did I get some looks on the return walk....

 

[Pilot Knob]

Evidently, for me anyway, an order of hot wings and 3 Killian red's is the perfect recipe. You'll be brewing that a.m. pot of butte coffee like clockwork. Another ontime departure!!!

 

[WalterSobchak]

5 pages minimum!

Good prediction...5 and counting.

Captain Doo-Doo...

 

[laserman2431]

Without naming names, what's the story about the PSA who cut loose on final. Sounds like a good story.

 

[blott]

there was a chq "incident" a long time ago too. It involved a few to many glasses of orange juice, (the guy didn't normally drink it.) and a fo seat replacement upon landing.... J-ball days-no lav.

B

 

[NuGuy]

Coffee and 1 bananna = Colon Blow

 

[oceandude]

Best thread in YEARS!!!

 

[CFIcare]

Congratulations poop troopers.

We made it to page 5!

 

[Max Q]

I'm still on page 2, n00b.

-Brett

 

[CA1900]

I'm still on page 2, n00b.

Beat me to it. I can't imagine having pages that short; drives me nuts!

 

[Flybet3]

[FONT=&quot]Greetings all, I've been flying part 121 for several years now and I'd like to think that I'm becoming accustomed to the schedules and other hardships that come along with this job. However, quite recently I began experiencing a problem with my early morning shows that, in all honesty, have left me bewildered to say the least. You see, I’ve been doing early morning shows for the past 3 months now and about halfway through the 1st bid I started experiencing what can best be described as the "morning poo syndrome." (For the uninitiated, the morning poo’s occur at the same time everyday in a clockwork-like manner.) My problem arises in that at 4am the last thing I want to do (besides wake up) is take10 extra minutes to squeeze out a steamer. At first I thought that this was nothing more than a sporadic and peculiar occurrence but have since thought otherwise. In fact, I now have to wake up 10 minutes earlier every morning just to drop my monkey bomb. Let it be noted that while my girlfriend can take a dump in a mere 30 seconds I need a whole 10- 15 minutes to comfortably evacuate fecal matter. While the regularity of certain things in ones life my provide comfort in an otherwise fickle world, this is starting to wear thin on my already early mornings. My call goes out to anyone who has experienced the habitual experience of the morning poo’s and defeated it. [/FONT]

Well if you happen to fly for Mesa than don't feel bad bro, just pull your pants down, squat and unload the 20 lbs of morning poo on the isle. We'll call it the new mascot!

but in all seriousness, have you been eating anything first thing in the morning? Maybe you're lactose intolerant. Go to the Doc, don't ask flightinfo. You should know better.

 

[learflyer]

You funny ba$tards made my night.......I'm 36 yrs old, and my wife is telling me to shut up i'm laughing so hard........

 

[trip]

You all sound a bunch of low timers, wondering where your going to do duty. After several thousand hours you will be able to time your approach right down to mins, even on a quick turn there will no sweat on the brow.
Skip the morning feed and grab a bite about 30 out, then swill the last of the company coffee just prior to app checklist. Makes for a smooth landing.

 

[dispatchguy]

take the browns to the superbowl in the comfort of my own crapper that drive to work and have to dump a grumpy in a public pooper. And pooping in the plane is an emergency situation.

Yeah, there is nothing like home field advantage!

 

[cybourg10]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

 

[CFIcare]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

High bypass ratio.

 

[Max Q]

Quick poo joke:

Why is poo tapered on the ends?

 

[say again]

This thread is hilarious!!!!

 

[Pantherpilot]

Recipe for reverse imodium:

1 Denny's Meat Lovers Skillet
1/2 bottle tabasco sauce
1 baskin robbins banana split
1 petes wicked ale

Take prescription in any order over a period of no more than 45 min. Then jump in place for 5 min. or until sweats begin. Then find toilet immediately!!!
Take Imodium for next 4 days to alleviate symptoms. Recipe works well with all mammals. Enjoy!

 

[sunlitpath]

It seems as though you are a #@&*head...

 

[dispatchguy]

Quick poo joke:

Why is poo tapered on the ends?

So your solid outflow valve wont slam shut!

 

[Flybet3]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

B/c the nasty bit**es don't wipe!!! Since most of them think their sh*t doesn't stink.

 

[CFIcare]

B/c the nasty bit**es don't wipe!!! Since most of them think their sh*t doesn't stink.

Don't blow out your o-ring, dude!

 

[Flybet3]

Don't blow out your o-ring, dude!

:laugh:

 

[Varmint]

:laugh:

The worst is when your $hit/fart separator fails and you can't tell if you are going to squirt or fart.

 

[Flybet3]

The worst is when your $hit/fart separator fails and you can't tell if you are going to squirt or fart.

duuuuuuude that is just foul!! LOL

 

[CFIcare]

It's called "sharting."

It's kinda like playing craps, only odds are you'll lose.

 

[dojetdriver]

The guy brought up a good point though, how come chicks poop so fast??

Because they can't take the time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

What I want to know is, how come their farts smell so bad? I mean, I'm a self proclaimed Fuhr of Flatulence. But I've know some chicks that can put me to shame.

 

[dojetdriver]

Hey...

I would much rather wake up early in the morning...take the browns to the superbowl in the comfort of my own crapper that drive to work and have to dump a grumpy in a public pooper. And pooping in the plane is an emergency situation.

Yeah, I agee. When I was an FO I had an instance that qualified. Last turn of the day. My take off, on the taxi out I started getting the grundles, bad. I thought nothing of it and thought I'd be able to fart out the pressure.

Well, we blast off for AMA. Right after liftoff, the grundles got WORSE, WAY WORSE. The pressurization cycle kicks in and I start going to full on cramps. It's so bad I can't even sit straight in the seat and pain is oh so bad. Feels like a seal is gonna blow. I tell the CA I gotta go. He asks if I can hang on till 10K, so I say yeah, suck up the pain, and zoom it up. Sitting sideways mind you because the pain is so freaking bad.

Anyway, we get past 10K and I hobble back to the sh1tter. Holy cow, talk about spawning a brown trout. Godamn thing took two flushes and plenty of blue juice to get it down. Never have a laid a Cook Straight cable like that before, much less on a plane.

Man, that felt great when I was done. Wish I would of had my camera phone with me to get a picture of it so I could send it www.ratemypoo.com

 

[wlacy]

Never trust a fart after morning coffee...you just might get more than you bargained for. lol.