I have never...

[Typhoon1244]

I guess this is my night to post new threads!

I was just sitting here thinking about all those things I have never ever done in all my years in aviation, and in the spirit of MetroSheriff's "You might be a regional pilot..." thread, I decided to solicit from all of you the seeds of your perfection.

What am I talking about? I want to hear about the mistakes you've never personally made, but can imagine how they could easily happen. For example:

I have never...

(1) made a lousy landing,

(2) transmitted on the wrong radio,

(3) asked "who was that for?"

(4) forgotten my flight number.

Give it a try. It's fun, and good for your ego!

 

[ShawnC]

I must be dense I thaught it was for real...

 

[Typhoon1244]

Very good, and I'm sure you guys have never done those things...but I think you missed my point.

(If you really believe I've never mad a bad landing or talked on the wrong radio, I've got some teriffic land to sell you...!)

 

[Rvrrat]

I'm in the market for a bridge or two.

 

[tcoll777]

I have never had a "good" student almost kill me......

I have never went drinking all night and come home to try and type on my cpu...................wait i'm lying......


sorry

 

[Freightdog75]

I have never gone below mins. (no FAA here right?)

 

[Beavis]

Ive never coerced a flight attendant to take off her top (and bra) in the flight deck..............

 

[empenage]

I have never shown up late for a flight...

I have never shown up on the wrong frick'en day for a flight..

I have never show up for work with 2 different shoes on..( it was dark and they were the same color)

I have never made a hard landing...( who's bright idea was it to put a "G" meter in the GIV and to Rocky I said I was sorry about those dentist bills, give it a rest).

I have never not checked notams...

I could go on for a week with this but I'm lucky enough to be going to work............

 

[Typhoon1244]

Ive never coerced a flight attendant to take off her top (and bra) in the flight deck...

What was her name? (I think she may be at my company now...)

Anyway...

Interesting note: operationally speaking, the push-to-talk switches on the Brasilia and C.R.J. are exact opposites. That is, on the '120, you push up to talk on the radio and down to talk on the interphone. On the R.J., it's the other way around.

But I assure you, I've never, never messed that up! But I can see how it could be done. (It would sure be embarassing to say something like, "check out the t!ts on her" on SDF ground control.)

(Ground's reply: "Where?")

Oh...I've never lied to crew scheduling, either.

 

[bigr]

well this thread reminds of a funny thing that did happen. after runup i called the tower for takeoff clearance. the tower didn't respond. so i hit the button again and still no response. after a while my instructor noticed light signals coming from the tower for landing aircraft. we were both cussing at the tower.

i hit the button again and i hear the tower say cessna shut off your radio.

as it turned out our mike button was stuck "hot" and every cuss word and thing we said went over the airwaves.

my instructor had to call the tower but nothing was mentioned about cussing, just get the radio fixed please.

 

[LR25]

Land without a landing clearance,,,,oops.

You know, you have been flying all night, you call the tower, they say call me on a 2 mile final or left base or whatever.

So there you are, tired, staring at the brightly lit runway. Basically vegitating on a 2 mile final, landing checklist complete, 3 green, ready to come aboard, a smooth greaser of a landing and then the tower says, ohh by the way, you are cleared to land.

Im not saying I did this.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Land without a landing clearance...Im not saying I did this.

Nobody's done that...but one morning at DFW, my father's F/O switched over to departure while they were sitting in position on 17R...during rush hour. Went on for three minutes. By the time dad figured out what happened, the guy in the tower was hysterical.

I've never done anything like that, though...like changing center frequencies and forgetting to check on. No, never.

 

[Twotter76]

I've never ordered some airport Burger King on tower frequency late at night when attempting to obtain food on company frequency. Dont know who would do such a thing.

 

[dgs]

...called in-range on 121.5.

Anybody else notice how many in-range calls start out on guard now that everybody has it tuned into their secondary radio? It makes me wish for the military UHF radio with a built in guard receiver and a wafer switch setting for transmitting on guard.

 

[mar]

I've never...

...preflighted the wrong airplane when it's 20 below...

....arrgh

 

[RJFlyer]

What was her name? (I think she may be at my company now...)

Good gawd I hope not, they're all geriatric!

 

[414Flyer]

I have never left the checklist on the cowling and then started the plane.

oh and never forgot to untie the tail.

Or listened to tower, and heard them give a special frequency to talk to an airline to give them a personal message. Then of course I never forgot to switch back to the real tower frequency before callling up tower. BUSTED!

 

[Jeff G]

I've never asked for a takeoff clearance on the PA... and then got irritated "on freq" when there was no reply. Don't know who would do such a thing.

I've also never left the radar on pulling into the gate, and thus nuked a ramp worker... but I've seen it done.

I've never dinged a wingtip trusting the guy with the wands knowing more than my own eyes...

I've never transmitted a funny sound file on center frequency trying to amplify it through the intercom speakers.

Keep this up; this is fun.

 

[Cornelius]

I'll go for it,

I never read non-aviation related material while on the flight deck

I never study the overhead panel (EMB-120) for prolonged periods of time with my eyes shut

I never completely block the windshield to block the intense summer sun

I never get the aural warning unit to say "HIGH SPEED"

I never accidentally got the electrical system to go into 1st stage auto-transfer

I always use the checklist when crossfeeding

 

[Typhoon1244]

I never get the aural warning unit to say "HIGH SPEED."

Bonus points if you've never let it happen while you had your mike keyed...on approach control...below ten.

Okay, for all you current and ex-Brasilia drivers:

I have never...

...shut the airplane down with the back-up battery still on.

...had the power levers past the flight idle stop during taxi.

...cruised half-way to Lawton Oklahoma with the flaps at 15.

...or the props at 100.

...seen pornography behind the yoke pinion cover.

Or better yet...

...pulled off the yoke pinion cover and found behind it an obnoxious comment about the captain sitting next to me!

Bill Kenas: lover of sheep and your mom.
"Hey Bill, did you see this?"

Oh, and I've never, ever, been caught checking a young lady out as she's boarding the aircraft. (Her dad never looked straight at me, either. Doh!)

 

[ifly4food]

The "hi Steve" below ten on approach is a good one. Never done that. I hate it when you're on the PA and your fellow aviator gets the "hi Steve" before you can let off the mike. Then the pax ask you after landing "Is the pilot's name Steve?". Never done thet one.

As for E120 tales (since it's such an f'd up airplane), I've never...

... gotten the "sink rate" on a slam dunk visual into ATL.

... crossed the marker at 270kt and 4000ft to make a normal landing (NOT in ATL).

... pulled the aural warning breaker (and back up battery) to shut up the "hi Steve".

... landed and stopped the airplane on the runway in less than 1000 ft (empty).

... blown the APU offline because I tried to start an engine with a gen still on (ooops).

... flown a whole flight home at flaps 15 because of a "control fault" on takeoff from a podunk airport on Thanksgiving day.

... maniacally yelled "SHUT UP!!!" at the top of my voice to an airplane without a hush kit ("DING DING DING, ENGINE CONTROL, OIL", "DING DING DING, ENGINE CONTROL, OIL, DOORS"...)

... flown under the Mackinac bridge (but I know someone who has).

 

[alimaui]

For GA nevers....

I have never landed short of the runway.

I have never tried taking off after a touch and go with full flaps. (Then proceed to climb 500 feet while trying to figure out why it was climbing so slowly)

I have never gone below the radar (on solo cross country) so the controller would call me up and I would have someone to talk to. (Those things are so boring!)

I have never tried to rush out before the atis is updated because I know that the current wx is not appropriate for flying. I have never done that at my instructors request either.

Ali

 

[ifly4food]

Re: For GA nevers....

I have never landed short of the runway.

I have never tried taking off after a touch and go with full flaps. (Then proceed to climb 500 feet while trying to figure out why it was climbing so slowly)

I have never gone below the radar (on solo cross country) so the controller would call me up and I would have someone to talk to. (Those things are so boring!)

I have never tried to rush out before the atis is updated because I know that the current wx is not appropriate for flying. I have never done that at my instructors request either.

Ali

I think you need a new instructor!

 

[flyhi]

I have never, ever...

1) forgotten to set flaps for takeoff then pretended to actually retract them when capt called for it and wondered aloud how sluggish the takeoff seemed.

2) told my pax when they asked that "yes, the lav is ready to use" in my most confident voice. then second-guessed myself the whole flight only to find urine on TOP of the lav pullout and in the tray!!

3) forgot to put the all-important diet cokes on board and told the owner that the cabin got so hot sitting on the ramp in the sun, ALL of the diet cokes exploded, had to clean up the mess, and there was nowhere to get anymore.

4) started up with chalks still in

5) not called an FBO 15 minutes out to remind them of our pax's car, and when it wasn't pulled up to the airplane, blamed it on the lineman

6) on a 100 degree day turned the a/c to full hot accidentally and miraculously "fixed" the problem 5 minutes later when the pax were dripping with sweat complaining.

 

[172driver]

I've never...

-- violated airspace

--violated the aerobatic flight limitations getting out of the airspace that i never violated

--flown closer than 20 miles to a t'storm

--spun an airplane around because one wing was still tied after i applied full power to get out of that apparent pothole that one of the wheels must have been stuck in

--had a near miss because i was fixated on the neat functions of the GPS

--taxied anywhere near rotation speed

--lined up on final with a taxiway or the wrong runway

--forgotten to switch over to tower and approach never forgets to hand me off either...

 

[Cornelius]

I always monitor company frequency

I never report "on the ground" to company during the landing roll in denver

I never left the emergency lights armed during shutdown and accidentally activated the ex light system

I always fly 200 KIAS or less when going into a Class D airport

I'm always stabilized and fully configured for landing when descending below 1000 ft above TDZN

I never took off into a big dust devil

I'm always at or above glide slope

I never get scared when we fly into moderate ice in the Brakillya

I always use an ILS backup for a visual approach into an outstation

 

[501261]

I've never hit any pilot-induced clear air turbulance when the copilot is trying to take a leak!

I've never had some passengers join the mile high club, though I did get a $100 tip for a "nice ride."
I've never wanted to say "No thanks, the freak show was more than enough for a tip!"

I've never forgotten the oil cap, gas cap, or baggage door!

I've never pulled the overspeed breaker, though it is collared!

 

[cessna_driver2]

Ok I think this will work.

I've never forgot to turn on transponder, get called by tower and told them I would recycle. And I never forgot to do that coming out of Dallas Love either.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I've never forgot to turn on transponder, get called by tower and told them I would recycle...

Or said, "we'll try the other transponder," regardless of how many are installed. (I tried pulling that one off in a Cherokee once. I don't know if he believed me...)

I've never realized that center's been calling me, and responded with, "center, how do you hear this transmitter? I think we're having some trouble with the other one."

I've also never said, "sorry, I was on the land-line. Say again?"

 

[cessna_driver2]

Had My instructor turn the volume down on me on com 1 while useing com 2. Switched back to com 1 while on an NDB approach. All the while stating my distance off the gps set for another airport that I just got done shooting the ILS. All the while, Never got a peep out of tower until a realized the volume was down just inside the FAF.