I have never...

[HappyFlying]

I have never filed a flight plan for a B100 stating it was a C150/U.

I have never asked for FL60 to go eat pancakes in my daisy clippin' Cessna.

I have never dipped into the boss's beer stash while washing the airplane.

I have never asked the captain to pull my finger inflight.

I have never fed the boss's wife's dog SlimJims.

 

[414Flyer]

I have never flown IFR direct with a handheld GPS as a sole source.

I have also never taken off IFR before that GPS acquired its position, cause the owner of the plane and the GPS sitting next to me told me it would probably get it as soon as we were in the air, and really had not dialed in any other navaids.

I have also never taken off into a 200ft overcast, with a private pilot sitting at the controls, and me as the IFR right seat dummy, and then had to come back in because of lines of thunderstorms, and the private pilot trying to fly it and screwing up the approaches.

I have never taken off, then did the weight and balance in the air, to make sure I was legal for that takeoff.

I have never pulled the power in the flare, while flying a Seneca encased in ice, and had the plane dive for the runway.

I have also never gotten so much ice on a plane that I was getting scared and considering diverting and or declaring an emergency.

I have never flown thru canyons in northwest Texas, while as a student pilot on cross counties, and taken pictures too while doing it.

I have never flown a cloud seeding mission, then while reloading the flares to take right back off again, forgot to count how many flares I actually used. You WxMod types will understand that one.

I have never taken girls along on volcano tour flights, hoping to get some later. And unfortunately I didnt succeed either.

I have never brought magazines on a freight flight, and proceeding to spend most of the legs reading while on autopilot.

I have also never while coming into land in a C-172, with tower telling me direct to the numbers because of a B737 coming and to report 2 mile final, getting fixated on landing and getting out of its way, that I forget to report 2 mile final and hence no landing clearance yet, and then had tower ask what my current position was, and my reply was that I was Exiting runway on golf. Tower said "uhhh okay".

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never taken off, then did the weight and balance in the air, to make sure I was legal for that takeoff.

Ever take off, then had the folks on the ground tell you, "oh yeah, we added ten bags to the cargo...?" That never happened to me. In Memphis.

I have never taken girls along on volcano tour flights, hoping to get some later. And unfortunately I didnt succeed either.

Nice try, but bad tactics. How could you hope to impress them after they've seen a volcano?

 

[EagleRJ]

I have never:

-gotten bored during cruise at FL370, dialed up 121.9 on the COMM2, said "Ground Control, Cessna 123BS at the general aviation ramp, taxi for a north departure with the information", then listened to the squeal as a dozen different towers respond.

-failed an engine on a multi-engine student, and have him shut down our remaining good engine. "know what you're logging now, Jimmy?"... "What?"... "glider time"... "DOH!"

-slowed to approach speed on an eight mile final per the company manual, while a newbie FO at JFK, requiring a British Airways 747 to do S-turns behind me.

 

[StaySeated]

Thank god for this post, I was losing my mind reading all of the RJDC nonsense....

I have never selected the APU off and then quickly back on with the master switch while the other crew member was outside ready to take a picture of the giant fireball that results. (This really wasn't me but the story makes me laugh)

I have never powered over the chalks at four in the morning in MQT in December. (Oh yeah, wasn't me either)

I have never made the first turnoff on 7R in MKE in a 1900, and then drank for free the next night cause the FO couldn't do the same thing on the next leg back into MKE. (For the record, none of this was done by me, I swear, who would do such things.)

I have never told the FA ten minutes after taking off from YYZ that the lake she asked about out the window was Lake Michigan, that we were twenty minutes out from MKE and she needed to hurry and finish cabin service. Ten minutes later she calls winded and proud she finshed everything including the fricking chocolate chip cookies. I say great, we ding her two minutes later indicating we are configuring for landing and then fly for another hour and a fifteen minutes.

I have never leaned back to get a better angle on the fuel gauages in the 1900 only to adjust the manifest so we would be under gross. Parrallax, you know?

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never made the first turnoff on 7R in MKE in a 1900...

I've never done the same thing on 35L in DFW in a Brasilia. (Empty aircraft, Christmas morning...so I'm told.)

 

[chperplt]

I have never leaned back to get a better angle on the fuel gauages in the 1900 only to adjust the manifest so we would be under gross. Parrallax, you know?

I've NEVER, I repeat NEVER done that.... about 10 times.

 

[Skyliner]

I have never touched down in the grass short of the threshold trying to do a real-short short-field landing.

I have never asked for a landing clearance from the tower, then not having received one, done the touch and go anyway, and when the tower asked on climbout "45X, did you say something?" respond, "Uh, nevermind."

I have never flown up the Hudson River Corridor in a twin.

I have never tried to pace a J-41 on takeoff because tower sent me around so they could takeoff.

I have never woken sleeping flight students in the back of the airplane by introducing their face to the ceiling of the passenger compartment.

I've never stomped on the rudder, let the plane roll to 60 degrees, and yelled "OH MY GOD!" with a student in the plane.

I have never tried to retract the gear with the emergency extension valve open, and sat there wondering, "Why the heck won't the gear come up?"

I have never decided that AOPA legal services plan was a good idea after making a rather low pass over a rather large open air assembly of persons.

I've never applied opposite rudder and forward pressure and had the plane keep spinning. Scared the &#$# out of the pilot, though.

I've never had to jump someone driving a lawnmower across a grass runway.

I've never jumped off the front of the wing with the prop still spinning to close an open oil door on the cowl (Real smart...).

I have never mumbled a readback because I couldn't remember what ATC had told me to do.

I have never told Clearance Delivery, "Yeah, we've got information...uh, well, whatever the letter is, we've got it."

I have never fired a paintball gun out of a Cessna.

I have never fast-filed a flight plan to Indianapolis by memory ("I think it was Victor-50...") only to discover the airway I filed goes to Cincinnatti.
Clearance Delivery: "75Y cleared to Indy via...(long pause)...Direct."

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never mumbled a readback because I couldn't remember what ATC had told me to do.

Just say "roger."

 

[HexWRX]

Heh, I've only got 9 hours and I've mumbled readbacks before...But the embarassing part was what I did afterward on the landing!

Like the last time I flew (Friday) The ATC gave me some serious information overload, and being the ADD case that I am, I was listening for the important stuff like heading, altitude, traffic, and sequence, so my readback was like this "Cessna xxxx, Maintain VFR approach heading 280, descent to 2,500feet, 3 mile left downwind 12L, behind Piper xxxx, Traffic in sight mumble mumble mumble..."

Yep, I dunno if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I have gotten the hang of ATC, and can handle pretty much anything they've thrown at me thusfar... My instructor was pretty impressed with my ability to communicate and comply with ATC that day. (he said if ATC gave me too much to handle I could just say unable, student pilot, and ask for an easier approach, but I said I had it - to this day once I've never said student pilot on the radio)

so I got in the pattern, and came in for landing...(my 15th landing to date) it was my first smooth, good landing.. a few feet left of the center line, but I touched down like a pro.. softly landing my rear, main wheels, then lowered my nosewheel gently)... I was so amazed, I actually forgot to pull the power back for a few seconds and my instructor scolded me and took over)


I was so embarassed.... yikes!

The only other real bonehead move I did was when I had cessna traffic, same altitude, 3'o clock, and atc said piper traffic, 1 o'clock (they arent always dead accurate, at 3,000 on approach ,opposite heading).. I said traffic in sight, not realizing it was cessna and not piper, and wasnt flying the opposite way)...my instructor got on and said "Cessna xxx, and we do not have traffic in sight) and ATC told us to change heading and descent


Both those happened on the same day, And I was feeling pretty down on myself, but my CFI said It was nothing to worry about, just learn from..and that he'd seen way people do way worse than me, and those people now had licenses)