I have never...

[Typhoon1244]

I guess this is my night to post new threads!

I was just sitting here thinking about all those things I have never ever done in all my years in aviation, and in the spirit of MetroSheriff's "You might be a regional pilot..." thread, I decided to solicit from all of you the seeds of your perfection.

What am I talking about? I want to hear about the mistakes you've never personally made, but can imagine how they could easily happen. For example:

I have never...

(1) made a lousy landing,

(2) transmitted on the wrong radio,

(3) asked "who was that for?"

(4) forgotten my flight number.

Give it a try. It's fun, and good for your ego!

 

[ShawnC]

I must be dense I thaught it was for real...

 

[Typhoon1244]

Very good, and I'm sure you guys have never done those things...but I think you missed my point.

(If you really believe I've never mad a bad landing or talked on the wrong radio, I've got some teriffic land to sell you...!)

 

[Rvrrat]

I'm in the market for a bridge or two.

 

[tcoll777]

I have never had a "good" student almost kill me......

I have never went drinking all night and come home to try and type on my cpu...................wait i'm lying......


sorry

 

[Freightdog75]

I have never gone below mins. (no FAA here right?)

 

[Beavis]

Ive never coerced a flight attendant to take off her top (and bra) in the flight deck..............

 

[empenage]

I have never shown up late for a flight...

I have never shown up on the wrong frick'en day for a flight..

I have never show up for work with 2 different shoes on..( it was dark and they were the same color)

I have never made a hard landing...( who's bright idea was it to put a "G" meter in the GIV and to Rocky I said I was sorry about those dentist bills, give it a rest).

I have never not checked notams...

I could go on for a week with this but I'm lucky enough to be going to work............

 

[Typhoon1244]

Ive never coerced a flight attendant to take off her top (and bra) in the flight deck...

What was her name? (I think she may be at my company now...)

Anyway...

Interesting note: operationally speaking, the push-to-talk switches on the Brasilia and C.R.J. are exact opposites. That is, on the '120, you push up to talk on the radio and down to talk on the interphone. On the R.J., it's the other way around.

But I assure you, I've never, never messed that up! But I can see how it could be done. (It would sure be embarassing to say something like, "check out the t!ts on her" on SDF ground control.)

(Ground's reply: "Where?")

Oh...I've never lied to crew scheduling, either.

 

[bigr]

well this thread reminds of a funny thing that did happen. after runup i called the tower for takeoff clearance. the tower didn't respond. so i hit the button again and still no response. after a while my instructor noticed light signals coming from the tower for landing aircraft. we were both cussing at the tower.

i hit the button again and i hear the tower say cessna shut off your radio.

as it turned out our mike button was stuck "hot" and every cuss word and thing we said went over the airwaves.

my instructor had to call the tower but nothing was mentioned about cussing, just get the radio fixed please.

 

[LR25]

Land without a landing clearance,,,,oops.

You know, you have been flying all night, you call the tower, they say call me on a 2 mile final or left base or whatever.

So there you are, tired, staring at the brightly lit runway. Basically vegitating on a 2 mile final, landing checklist complete, 3 green, ready to come aboard, a smooth greaser of a landing and then the tower says, ohh by the way, you are cleared to land.

Im not saying I did this.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Land without a landing clearance...Im not saying I did this.

Nobody's done that...but one morning at DFW, my father's F/O switched over to departure while they were sitting in position on 17R...during rush hour. Went on for three minutes. By the time dad figured out what happened, the guy in the tower was hysterical.

I've never done anything like that, though...like changing center frequencies and forgetting to check on. No, never.

 

[Twotter76]

I've never ordered some airport Burger King on tower frequency late at night when attempting to obtain food on company frequency. Dont know who would do such a thing.

 

[dgs]

...called in-range on 121.5.

Anybody else notice how many in-range calls start out on guard now that everybody has it tuned into their secondary radio? It makes me wish for the military UHF radio with a built in guard receiver and a wafer switch setting for transmitting on guard.

 

[mar]

I've never...

...preflighted the wrong airplane when it's 20 below...

....arrgh

 

[RJFlyer]

What was her name? (I think she may be at my company now...)

Good gawd I hope not, they're all geriatric!

 

[414Flyer]

I have never left the checklist on the cowling and then started the plane.

oh and never forgot to untie the tail.

Or listened to tower, and heard them give a special frequency to talk to an airline to give them a personal message. Then of course I never forgot to switch back to the real tower frequency before callling up tower. BUSTED!

 

[Jeff G]

I've never asked for a takeoff clearance on the PA... and then got irritated "on freq" when there was no reply. Don't know who would do such a thing.

I've also never left the radar on pulling into the gate, and thus nuked a ramp worker... but I've seen it done.

I've never dinged a wingtip trusting the guy with the wands knowing more than my own eyes...

I've never transmitted a funny sound file on center frequency trying to amplify it through the intercom speakers.

Keep this up; this is fun.

 

[Cornelius]

I'll go for it,

I never read non-aviation related material while on the flight deck

I never study the overhead panel (EMB-120) for prolonged periods of time with my eyes shut

I never completely block the windshield to block the intense summer sun

I never get the aural warning unit to say "HIGH SPEED"

I never accidentally got the electrical system to go into 1st stage auto-transfer

I always use the checklist when crossfeeding

 

[Typhoon1244]

I never get the aural warning unit to say "HIGH SPEED."

Bonus points if you've never let it happen while you had your mike keyed...on approach control...below ten.

Okay, for all you current and ex-Brasilia drivers:

I have never...

...shut the airplane down with the back-up battery still on.

...had the power levers past the flight idle stop during taxi.

...cruised half-way to Lawton Oklahoma with the flaps at 15.

...or the props at 100.

...seen pornography behind the yoke pinion cover.

Or better yet...

...pulled off the yoke pinion cover and found behind it an obnoxious comment about the captain sitting next to me!

Bill Kenas: lover of sheep and your mom.
"Hey Bill, did you see this?"

Oh, and I've never, ever, been caught checking a young lady out as she's boarding the aircraft. (Her dad never looked straight at me, either. Doh!)