I have never...

[ShawnC]

I have never dumped my water ballast on short final on the girls watching at the end of the runway.

And since I have never done that, I also have never said that to the aforementioned wet girls "I guess the valve stuck."

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never dumped my water ballast on short final on the girls watching at the end of the runway.

Okay, I give up. Water ballast? What were you flying, the Hindenburg?

 

[colorado418]

I have never landed on approach frequency with a fed in the jumpseat while doing a captain fed ride.

After finding no place to park, from the before mentioned landing that did not happen, I certainly did not deplane everyone in a remote parking area that the port said was an active taxi way. With the fed still on the airplane...

Funny how things (dont') happen...

 

[ShawnC]

Okay, I give up. Water ballast? What were you flying, the Hindenburg?

I was flying a glider. You know how has weight goes up the best L/D speed goes up. To make gliders go faster, and yet maintain the same best L/D, they carry water in in wing ballast tanks.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I was flying a glider. You know how has weight goes up the best L/D speed goes up. To make gliders go faster, and yet maintain the same best L/D, they carry water in in wing ballast tanks.

Well, they say you learn something new every day. Thanks!

 

[ShawnC]

No Problem.

I should also mention that you will only find it in higher performance racing and cross country gliders. Just like constant speed props, and turbo chargers, you won't find water ballast in the average training gliders.

 

[fr0g]

I have never had a G/F call me on an overnight, slept through the call, but woken up later thinking it was my wakeup call. I have never gotten Dressed, went to the lobby of the hotel thinking I was late, only to realize it was 11 pm. I have never left the key to my room *in* the room after leaving it at 11 pm, and then forgotten what room I was in. (If someone had done this, it would probably have been right off of IOE after 5 9-hour overnights) stupid part 135 rest rules..

The Metro has a very low ceiling, so when people go to the front they have to bend over about 30-45 degrees. Never used this to get a good look at a hot passengers .. um.. nevermind..

Never picked up about 1/2" of ice on a 172... with no instrument clearance ..

never ever flown under 500' agl

never done a chandelle after departure on a repo..

 

[Typhoon1244]

Never done a chandelle after departure on a repo...

In a Metro???

(Must've been one of those afterburning Metros...)

(...or an awful shallow Chandelle!)

 

[fr0g]

In a Metro???

(Must've been one of those afterburning Metros...)

(...or an awful shallow Chandelle!)

haha.. well, if you're shooting the water and you stay over the runway for a while to pick up some speed it's kinda fun. um.. I mean.. that's what I've heard..

 

[dmspilot00]

Since this thread is officially resurrected...

I have never approached a towered airport (which had only one other airplane in the vicinity) as a student pilot , on a course that set me up for a right downwind, been asked to fly a left downwind, and thought "I'm on the left of the runway, so I am on left downwind." And I never not realized that I made a mistake until I was about to land and the tower called to the other airplane about "traffic on right base."

I have never taken off in a 172 as a 100 hr pilot after forgetting to latch the right door, and never left it open for three touch and goes without noticing.

 

[siucavflight]

I have never told ATC that i was a student pilot, after i had gotten my liscense so that they would take it easy on me

 

[HerrJeremy]

And man, wouldn't it have been embarassing if on a first solo, after receiving take-off clearance, I had sat on the runway for minutes waiting for that very clearance.....and if the tower finally had to ask if I ever intended to leave......wow, that would have stunk, good thing I've never done that!

And its a good thing I always doublecheck visually for final traffic before departing an uncontrolled airport.....because I would never want to pull in front of a Cub with no radio on short final.....I've never done that either!

 

[U of I Tweak]

I can assure you that I have never flown to Oshkosh without doing a complete weight and balance...

I've never taken off over gross in a Cessna...

I've never been stuck in a remote part of Wisconsin, had to scrape frost off the wings, had an engine fire during start, attempted to jump start the airplane, and finally, decided to hand prop the airplane while my girlfriend held the brakes....

And then on the same flight that never happened, I didn't have ice on the windshield immediately after lift off, and I didn't have to fly at less than 1000' agl to keep out of the clouds in poor visibility. But If I had I know the landing would have been smooth as butter.

Finally...I have never landed a slightly aft loaded 172 (350 lb. friend and tools in the back seat) and touched down tail first, gouging the runway and removing the tie down ring.

 

[Flechas]

I have never told ATC that i was a student pilot, after i had gotten my liscense so that they would take it easy on me

thats lame!

 

[floatflyer99]

I've never buzzed a runway in a Katana, thinking myself the height of cool, and climbed away lamely (even for a 80 hp DV-20) getting to 800' AGL near the edge of the zone before realizing the carb heat was on.

It feels so good to get all these crazy stories of what never happened off my chest.

I've never flown so well that Chuck Yeager would be envious. Although I may have topped a tree once.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never told ATC that I was a student pilot, after I had gotten my liscense so that they would take it easy on me.

Thats lame!

Hey, back off from my man Siucavflight! Going into a big metroport for the first time can be intimidating for a new private pilot. I also never did this. In Tampa.

 

[Immelman]

I've never scared the crap out of a golfer who was making a driving range out of a grass strip (Wakonda Beach state airport on the Oregon coast).

I never, after starting the Citabria's engine in the parking area near midfield, (where he was hitting the golf balls) taxied past him motioning for him to get out of the way.

I never, after completing runup at the far end of the field, gunned the engine so that I would scare him. When he looked at the airplane (now in takeoff position, stopped, but pointing right at him), he gave me a confused look, and then resumed hitting golfballs.

I never applied takeoff power and just started rolling to scare him off the field. When he finally moved (running for his life, even though I could easily stop to avoid him), I never lifted off about 20' prior to where he dropped all of his golf clubs, balls, ball retreiver, and associated crap and started running.

And I never went back to see if he s#!t himself.

Another one...
I never jery (sp?) rigged the starter bendix (using the screwdriver from my pax's little brother's pickup truck took kit) of a PIECE-O-CRAP Arrow II to engage with the prop after unsuccessfully spinning the starter (but not prop) at a podunk northern california field 100nm from the nearest A&P.

After that, I never took off over gross, using a nearby highway as an "overrun -- accelerate to climb speed" clearing. But, I really never want to fly a normally aspirated Arrow again (that one is true).


...I've never done aerobatics without parachutes.

...I've never acknowleged ATC's instructions to go around (landing traffic rolling out, when I am on 2+ mile final), only to slow to 1.2 * Vso, and put-put my way closer until the traffic was clear, only to never ask ATC once again to land.... and then of course, ATC never sounded embarrassed clearing me to land. This never happed many times over the course of several months with the same controller.

...I've never landed (well, I wasn't PIC!!!) with another pilot at a closed airport.... which was in perfectly good condition, not marked closed on the sectional, and had some really faint yellow X's painted over the numbers. No, I'd never do that.

 

[dsee8driver]

Nobody's done that...but one morning at DFW, my father's F/O switched over to departure while they were sitting in position on 17R...during rush hour. Went on for three minutes. By the time dad figured out what happened, the guy in the tower was hysterical.

There is something about 17R. That exact thing happened to us when the switch biatch switched the frequency.


switch biatch=FE

 

[Mu2Driver]

I have never landed in Ft. Pierce thinking it was Steuart in the middle of the night as a new Private Pilot...

Good thing the towers were closed

 

[Toy Soldier]

I have NEVER accidently peeked at my co-pilots breasts as she bent forward to change a radio frequency....

I have never spoken bad with a hot mike about an errant controller .

I have never said ma'm to a controller - only to find out that she was a he.

I have never said sir to a controller - only to find out that he was a she.

I have never refered to flight training as "fright training" while in the pattern. Especially those in the "scare-coops".

 

[r1830]

I have never taken off in a 172 with the parking brake partially set still not catch it and land as well. I image those brakes would be hot and the airplane would stop in a hurry.

I have never had to shut down the right engine at 2am in the "storm of the century" because turbulence broke the oil pressure gauge

I have never forgotten my liscence and had a fed ask for it. Then say it must be in my flight bag in the aircraft. Instead of going out to the airplane, go catch a cab home to retrieve it out of the coat I wore the day before.

I have never reported 10 mile final to GJT in a 172 and ask for any other traffic in the area to please advise only to have a major airline MD 80 report the same 10 mile final 5 secs later and any other traffic in the area please advise. Boy those landing lights are bright at night when they suddenly turned them on after I called back and said I was 10 mile final and turning 90 degrees to get out of they way. Had to clean my shorts after that one. So did they I assume.

I have never been so busy on an ILS approach in 25 kt crosswind and 200 and 1/2 that I forgot to report FAF to tower. Landed and wondered why tower didn"t give us taxi instructions. Proceed to tell them we are clearing at Bravo and hear, "Thanks and by the way you were cleared to land"

I have never started to line up on the wrong offset parallel runway on my ATP checkride, have the fed ask what I was doing and reply shallow S turns to lose altitude to land on the closer correct runway.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have NEVER accidently peeked at my co-pilots breasts as she bent forward to change a radio frequency....

And I've never done the same thing when they reach up to test the gravity crossflow prior to engine start, when you can see down their sleeves. Never.

 

[Bluestreak]

I ain't never...

I would never turn on the left pack while some moron delays the flight standing at the bottom of the stairs yapping into a cell phone.


I would never tell a controller "Ahh...Disregard-I was coming in broken and stupid" when I muffed a clearance.

I will admit,however,that one night going into LaGarbage I caught a controller napping.NY controllers make a big deal of having the latest ATIS,but on this night,it changed and he didn't have it.So,I told him something like "Negative sir,information Bravo is now current-call me back when you have it."


This guy I used to solo with was in cruise in the RJ one sunny day,trying to figure out why he kept seeing a rainbow outside his window.Checked glasses,moved his head around-still there.Just then the capt. sez "Hey,didja ever notice how the sun shining thru our contrails makes a rainbow out the window ?" "Oh,er,um,YEAH !"


I have never,whilst riding as ballast and radio beeyotch in a King Air on night,think "Gee,lookit that ground fog....Hmm looks clear up ahead..." while looking down from a few thousand feet.I did manage to figure out how much the exhaust distorts the lights on the ground before opening my mouth.

 

[SDCFI]

Well I never

I have never flown a Cherokee 140 less than 50ft off the water 1 mile offshore of San Diego. (For those of you who also never do this be sure to not watch for seagulls)

I have also never flown at less than 100ft above a heard of cows to see their reaction.

I ALWAYS follow the before-start checklist religiously and NEVER rely on my steel trap memory instead of the checklist.

Because I always use the checklist I have never started both engines on a Navajo with 1) nose baggage door open, and 2) rear baggage door open and left main chocked.

I have also never tried to taxi said Navajo with the left main chocked. (I'm the sure the folks sitting in the airline terminal across from the GA ramp got a kick outta that one)

Is it just me or does every day seem like monday when you fly freight on 5 hours sleep?

 

[great cornholio]

Never have I said "Welcome abored flight xxx with service to Washington Dulles (then looked out the window and reaized I was at Dulles) hmm looks like we are at Dulles in that case welcome abord flight xxx with service to New York Laguarida."

Or never had I got bored on a cross country and said Center sorry to break up your ping pong game but I just wanna make sure my radios are still workin

And since that never happened the controller never came back and said. Roger cessna 123 you are loud and clear and its 5 serving 2.

 

[ShawnC]

Or never had I got bored on a cross country and said Center sorry to break up your ping pong game but I just wanna make sure my radios are still workin.

In that vain, I have never filed PIREPs every 30 minutes to make sure the radios in my craptacular C172 that I rented was working.

Since I have done that one couldn't check the PIREP map the next day, and you could see the flight path that I didn't fly.

 

[Vladimir Lenin]

I have never seen a late 40s-looking dude, in a BRIGHT YELLOW, "new" VW Beetle, with a license plate that says "FLY SWA" and has a license plate frame that says, "My other ride is a 737"....
nope, never

 

[FL000]

I have never seen a late 40s-looking dude, in a BRIGHT YELLOW, "new" VW Beetle, with a license plate that says "FLY SWA" and has a license plate frame that says, "My other ride is a 737"....
nope, never

Those crazy flight attendants!

 

[SPBRIAN]

I have never....

Gotten paid less than what I was worth....

Been scared in an airplane.......

Spent countless hours at an airport holding up the wall....

Thought that the FAA might actually be there to help me.....

Flown Jumpers in the Pacific N.W.... (If you haven't done this you definatelly don't know what i'm talking about)....

Learned scud running.....

And then I absolutely positively have not ever put the above knowledge that I learned and forgotten to use.....

And I definatelly have never thought that I might be better off with a switch of careers....


Fly safe!

 

[siucavflight]

I have never been really bored and made a gigantic thread bump:0