I have never...

[wingnutt]

I have never dug up a thread that was a year old...

...allowing the whole world to get a good, healthy glimpse of my newbie-ness

 

[skychaser]

I've never cancelled IFR on top in hopes to find a hole at destination, only to find no hole!

I've never turned the transponder to ON to avoid atc realizing
my low altitude.

I've never flown under the GW, Tapanzee or Veranzano...but know those who have.

I've never gone past a hold short line.

I've never been stuck in the water soaked grass on the edge of a taxiway while making a 180.

I've never been closer than 500/1000/2000 from clouds while VFR.

I've never told a student to do anything that I didn't know everything about.

I've never forgotten my certificate while flying.

I've never keyed up the wrong frequency.

I've never even considered reporting my position to tower as anything other than where I actually am, to get a straight in.

I never forget the cowl flaps.

 

[ibaflyer]

Ok.. I have a few.

I have never walked into the flaps on a 172 and left diamonds embeded on my forehead.

........hung the dip stick on the prop of a 172 to remind me to add oil and get into the plane and start the engine thus throwing the dip stick accross the ramp.

.....told the person sitting next to me to look out the right side of the plane then unhook his seat belt and dive the plane.

.....tossed cremated remains out of a plane had had them come back into the cabin.

.....have a pax onboard and yell out "OH MY GOD!" for no reason at all.

...... buzzed the entire runway and announced to area traffic that Lance xxxx is going around

 

[floatflyer99]

Never...

Buzzed a runway on straight floats...

Lined up for a closed runway...

Landed in the wrong lake by mistake and barely had room to get out again...

Flown through a fog bank...

Been flying through a river valley, poked through a friendly little wisp of fog only to discover a power line filling the top of the windshield...

Landed in some guy's back yard 'cause I had to take a leak...

Dispersed 50 gallons of fuel over untracked wilderness due to a lack of tightness in the fuel cap retention system...

Landed on a lake after dark...

Fallen asleep at the controls with no autopilot/copilot...

Flown a circling approach just to wake someone up on the ground...

Turned final over the fence at 200' when asked to keep it in close...

and I've never been accused of being a "kamakaze pilot".

 

[cessna_driver2]

I've never ordered some airport Burger King on tower frequency late at night when attempting to obtain food on company frequency. Dont know who would do such a thing.

I have gotten bar-b-que for the tower guy a few years ago. Nothing will get you a quicker approach than bringing food for the tower people.

Ok so it was night and a class D airport with nobody around.

 

[cessna_driver2]

I've never ordered some airport Burger King on tower frequency late at night when attempting to obtain food on company frequency. Dont know who would do such a thing.

I have gotten bar-b-que for the tower guy a few years ago. Nothing will get you a quicker approach than bringing food for the tower people.

Ok so it was night and a class D airport with nobody around.

 

[I.P. Freley]

From the GA files...

I have never turned off the alternator in a single-engine Piper (switch looks just like the light switch, if I remember), lost all the radios half an hour later, and done a lost-comm approach into an uncontrolled field with everyone wondering why in the heck I didn't self-announce when entering the airport area and landing.

Never did it. I swear.

 

[localizer11]

I never said this:

"Folks, welcome aboard flight XXXX service to.... uhh....

-turn to F/O and ask " where the he!! are we going ?"

All the time with a hot mike on the PA.

Like I said though, it never happened to me.

 

[cessna_driver2]

As for piper. Never turned the nav lights on and leave them on until I land and then realized I don't have gear down lights.

 

[I.P. Freley]

OMG! I just remembered something I never did... But someone else did.

Imagine, if you will, a new student pilot who has learned from his Cessna manual that if you put your mouth on the stall warning opening and suck on it, you will hear the horn (insert joke here...). Anyway, I believe the manual also tells you to put a hankerchief over the opening, but never mind.

Now imagine, if you will, the student is REALLY confused and thinks the pitot tube is the stall warning opening.

Now imagine, if you will, that he's already turned on the master switch and the pitot heat is on. Has been on for a couple of minutes, even.

Now imagine, if you will, the problems that would ensue.

Or don't, it's almost too horrible to contemplate.

 

[Skyboss]

I have never seen a whales fart...

http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,6947020^13762,00.html

Friday Humor... Have a good weekend.

 

[HAZ-MAT]

I have never had a student put the flaps up before adding go around power..

I have never looked up my students cheerleading outfit while she's pouring fuel back into the tank..

never ended up in the hot tub with her either

never ever taken off with thunderstorms on the field

I never saw that ice on the wings either... thought it was cotton candy

 

[siucavflight]

I have never filed IFR to Denver and flown there, when my paying passengers wanted to go to Detroit, and about two hours into the flight they asked why our compass was on west.

 

[skyking1976]

I have never gotten out of the Navajo using the crew door, jumped off of the wing at the leading edge and smacked my head on the prop.

I have never gotten out of the Navajo using the crew door, jumped off of the wing and landed on a patch of ice and fell on my a$$.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have never gotten out of the Navajo using the crew door, jumped off of the wing and landed on a patch of ice and fell on my a$$.

I have a friend who never did something similar in an F-4 Phantom. He didn't jump from the wing onto a damp drop tank end end up doing a very painful split.

 

[tinman]

I have never landed on a runway with a big yellow "X" at the end.

 

[VNugget]

I have never transmitted a taxi request on 121.5

 

[Typhoon1244]

I've never aggressively criticized our station folks in Montgomery for not monitoring their radio...only to discover later I had been calling them on the wrong frequency.

 

[skyking1976]

I have never asked the cute sounding center controller (female, of course) for her phone number.

 

[surfnole]

I've never flown into an uncontrolled airport using runway X left traffic and flown runway X right traffic...all the while announcing cessna 123 right downwind for runway X, cessna 123 right base runway x. I wondered why people were looking at me strangely on the ground.

 

[FL000]

I've never flown into an uncontrolled airport using runway X left traffic and flown runway X right traffic...all the while announcing cessna 123 right downwind for runway X, cessna 123 right base runway x. I wondered why people were looking at me strangely on the ground.

I have never landed on a runway with a big yellow "X" at the end.

Those darn Roman airports! I can't ever read their signage.

 

[Brett Hull]

I have never gotten out of the Navajo using the crew door, jumped off of the wing at the leading edge and smacked my head on the prop.

I've never jumped off the front of the wing of a baron by proping my hands on the nose and right engine cowl, stupidly let go with my right hand, and d@mn near knocked myself unconscious by slamming my head on the right engine.

I've also never leaned my knees on an unlatched learjet door and had it pop open sending me face first toward the asphalt in front of a female audience in Windsor.

 

[floatflyer99]

I have never pushed a 172 into a fence, bending it's rudder all to he!!

I have never scraped a float on a rock, reef, or three or four different docks.

 

[wxman13]

I have never...had my girlfriend perform "services" in night IMC

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has never thought of doing this. And I swear I will never think about actually doing this in the future.

 

[enigma]

I was never told, "Shuttle11, cleared to land 26L, DO NOT PASS THE UNITED 727 ON FINAL FOR 26R"

I never passed the United 72.

I never held 200 up to short final so as to catch the UAL 727

I've never thought I would miss Stapleton

I've also never taken a Lear35 into the air with a fuel cap loose.

enigma

 

[Typhoon1244]

I've never thought I would miss Stapleton.

What'd you hit instead?

 

[PilotMonkey]

Ive never flown all day and then realized that my wings were on the wrong side of my shirt.

 

[mudkow60]

...Never, on shutdown, have I secured an engine instead of going to ground idle

...Never have I taxied a small plane into area where I had to shut down, and push, because I was boxed into a corner

...Never have perfomed the landing checklist, step by step, on tower freq instead of ICS

...Never have I walked out of a spinning helo, only to see your copilot standing beside you on the ramp

...Never have I trimmed the tops of small trees with my rotor blades

 

[SDF2BUF2MCO]

Never have taxied off a snow covered taxiway (what's that crunching sound and why aren't we moving?!).
Never read the paper while flying (does the sports section count?).
I'm sure there will be more as time goes on.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Never have I walked out of a spinning helo, only to see your copilot standing beside you on the ramp

"Sweet Jesus! What are you doing out here???"