Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[DGdaPilot]

This summer: Center tells us that a 737 (I can't remember who) was climbing really slow and "is having trouble gettin' it up" and asks us to adjust for spacing. In his Irish accent and in no time at all, my Capt says "Well I'm sorry to hear that and we'll see if we can help him out...haha....."

God it was hilarious. The 737 pilots never said a word.

 

[Sam Snead]

When I was at Colgan, 'round the turn of the millenium, several of the Beech 1900s were painted in red, white, and blue with stars.

North American 757s had an American flag paint job also.

Colgan: Ground, Colgan 5900 at A1
Boston Ground: Colgan 5900, taxi to the ramp, follow the Mother Ship.

North American was the "Mother Ship."

I believe the controllers used that whenever possible; not too often 'cause North American was not frequent in Boston.

-Retired 1900 slave

 

[Exskydiverdrivr]

About 10 years back I was rightseat in a Lear 35 out of LAX. An Aeromexico just departed ahead of us and was giving the controllers a fit. (wrong altitude readbacks , turning the wrong way, and just a real bad conversation in very broken english.) We get handed off to Departure and here's our guy again-still messin it up. Right before he get's handed to center Socal say's

Sc-"Aeromexico xxxx, we got a phone # for ya , advise ready to copy"

Aeromexico xxxx-"Royer-ready to copy"

Sc- "Aeromexico xxxx contact SoCal (gives the phone #) when you get to your destination.

Different voice comes on - must have been the Captain
"Deparyer Aeromehico xxxx, we goin to Mazatlan. That call long distance, not gonna work for me. Maybe we call you next time."

..... What are you gonna do??????

 

[CLE145CA]

Passing through IND Center airspace a few years ago we got a hand off to the next sector. So my FO tries a couple of times to check in with no answer. He switches back to the previous frequency to verify the correct frequency is dialed in. Sure enough it is. We go back and try he tries again three more times and no response. When he is about to try again I tell him to let me.

ME: "Indy Center, Jetlink 1234, level at FLXXX, sixth call."
Immediately and without missing a beat...
CNTR: "Roger, Jetlink 1234, first response."

Another time we were coming up from south TX in the EMB120 days in IAH. They assigned us a runway 27 with a resulting looooong downwind vector. Eventually the controller gave us the base leg turn and descent. We responded with the instructions and started the turn/descent.

A minute later the controller comes back:

"Jetlink, 1234, turn left 360 descend to 4,000."
ME (not being a dick): "Yes, approach we copied that and responded the last time."
Controller: "OK, wasn't sure I heard the readback."
ME: "Well, we are so far away from the airport it probably hasn't arrived yet."
Controller (laughing): "So how does LCH (Lake Charles, LA) look?"
ME: "Clear and a million. Thought we were landing there for a minute."

Finally, overheard on another flight (I forget the airline):

Controller: "Airline 5678, contact center 123.45."
Pilot: "Roger, 132.45, Airline 5678."
Controller: "Check that frequency...123.45."
Pilot: "Roger, we copied 132.45."
Controller: "No, sir, you have your numbers mixed...1-2-3 POINT 4-5."
Pilot: "Ooops, sorry about that. I used to be an airline CEO in my previous life."

 

[Publishers]

Aztec to Delta pilot complaining about waiting for the little aircraft to land:
"I own what I fly, how about you?"
Tower: OK children, you fly I control

Tower, 4tm for taxi
Tower I'll call you one

Delta complaining about late decent instructions
Tower No problem - take up a heading of 270 and we will call your base.
10 minutes later,,,,, Delta how is that decent coming?

 

[patriot88]

landing 27L yesterday at ORD, bit of a right xwind nothing major....tower gives the guy behind us clear to land winds 360 at 11 gusting 12.....look out for that one knot gust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


also yesterday capt is PNF and we are bouncing between ATL Center controllers on the way to GSP and one guy we're on with for about 20 seconds and the controller says "it has been short, but sweet contact ATL Center at xxx.xx". capt hits back without missing a beat, "that's what she said last night"...controller couldn't contain himself...

good times...

 

[CaptDave]

I don't get this?

"Was flying from PNS back to TLH.... tuned in on TLHapproach and they ask Xjet for visibility. They reply, "clear and a million"...next some other pilot chimes in, "flight info dot com"..."

 

[ShyFlyGuy]

I don't get this?

"Was flying from PNS back to TLH.... tuned in on TLHapproach and they ask Xjet for visibility. They reply, "clear and a million"...next some other pilot chimes in, "flight info dot com"..."

clear and a million . com is the alter ego to flightinfo.com. It's funny because they're websites, but the other pilot didn't know... funny.

Shy

 

[ShyFlyGuy]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

 

[DGdaPilot]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

Thank you for busting yourself out cause I thought that was hilarious. I'm sure I'll get a taste of that sooner than later.

 

[Fred Rogers]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

I'm pretty sure that captain who was laughing his a$$ off told me that story. I think it was the "That was so bad you didn't even get your callsign right" that really put the shine on.. ha ha No one is immune to that kind of thing, impressive though.

 

[Flyingtoohigh]

I was on the ground at a KPMV, a small uncontrolled field south of Omaha, Nebraska solo'ing a student for his first time. He made three decent landings I dropped me off at the ramp.

He goes around the pattern and makes one passable landing. On the second landing he comes around and bounces it... twice, with the wheels touching the pavement a grand total of three times. It wasn't pretty.

So just as this kid is trying to get his confidence back to try again some joker in the pattern comes on the radio immediate after the kid's botched landing and announces "...aaaaaaaaaaaaand he's current!"

Gotta love bug smasher humor!

 

[Ifly4money]

Once flying near TUL early in the morning a guy in a king air checks in out of 'bout 9000'. Center guy tells him out of 15k cleared direct destination. King air reads it back verbatum. About 5 min goes by and the center guy questions him on his route, if he really wants to go direct. The king then says sure would like that. The controller without missing a beat says "then take your rocket out of your hand and fly the airplane. I gave you direct out of 15k." I almost fell out of the airplane I was laughing so hard.

 

[Captain X]

Musta been getting close to shift change in IAH Tracon yesterday because the "Super Duper Hoover" guy was referring to all the Colgan flights as "Cold One 9XXX."

 

[ERfly]

Musta been getting close to shift change in IAH Tracon yesterday because the "Super Duper Hoover" guy was referring to all the Colgan flights as "Cold One 9XXX."

Yeah, Axe is working again finally. I haven't heard him since June. It was a nice change. I've also noticed, he's one of the few controllers that likes to keep everybody fast. Monday the conversation went something like this...

"Jetlincoln 3XXX, keep it on the barber pole, expect 26L, down to 10,000. How ya doin' dude?"