Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[thatpilotguy]

Back in my flight instructing days we use to do some contract training for middle eastern clients. Their english was pretty bad, and it was always comical to hear the response from the students.

One particular afternoon I was holding short for some traffic in the pattern the student pilot was making full stop taxi backs. After taking off again the tower asked the student. "Piper 1234 what are your intentions." The student obviously having problems with the english language responded with "my intentions are to be a commercial pilot!"


I have never laughed so hard in my entire life!

 

[captpetefam]

Heard coming into DTW

We're on the Mizar arrival and get this over CHI-C.

CHI-C: Mesaba 3661, say assigned airspeed?

Mesaba 3661: 290 Knots.

CHI-C: Roger. Cactus 234, say assigned airspeed?

Cactus 234: 290 Knots.

CHI-C: Cactus 234, how come your 290 Knots is 50 Knots faster than the RJ in front of you?
----------------No Response-----------------

 

[Top Gum]

Some mature sounding southern gentleman flying a King Air inbound to Dallas: "We need to turn ___ degrees to avoid weather."

Dallas: "Unable right now."

King Air: "This cell looks pretty ugly. We need a turn."

Dallas: "You will have to wait a few miles for traffic."

King Air: "We're turning. The worst thing that can happen to you is falling off that stool!"


Merry Christmas!
TG

 

[Mr Wu]

Heard tonight.......

JETLINK Albany, any braking action report for RWY 19

ALBANY APP It's been good for a week

JETLINK ATIS says there's slush and ice

ALBANY APP It says the center 130' is dry and that's where we usually want you to land

UNKNOWN VOICE Wasn't it 40 degrees today?

ALBANY APP 43 Degrees

UNK VOICE Didn't it snow last week?

ALBANY APP Yes. Last friday, no, thursday

JETLINK (silence)




Later on tower after jetlink landed

ALB TOWER So, Jetlink, how was it

JETLINK UMmmmm, Good.

 

[ERfly]

Heard tonight.......

JETLINK Albany, any braking action report for RWY 19

ALBANY APP It's been good for a week

JETLINK ATIS says there's slush and ice

ALBANY APP It says the center 130' is dry and that's where we usually want you to land

UNKNOWN VOICE Wasn't it 40 degrees today?

ALBANY APP 43 Degrees

UNK VOICE Didn't it snow last week?

ALBANY APP Yes. Last friday, no, thursday

JETLINK (silence)




Later on tower after jetlink landed

ALB TOWER So, Jetlink, how was it

JETLINK UMmmmm, Good.

He probably wasn't thinking correctly because he was still thinking about how he showed his FO "The Best Way To Do The Dylin" on the last leg. XJT FOs know what I'm talking about. Merry Christmas, to all.

 

[DeltaLima21]

A few years back, I heard this on Approach freq.

ATC: Northwest 640, turn heading 330, cleared ILS 30L Approach.

FEMALE NWA pilot: repeats.

Unknown Voice: Its a shame, a brand new 757, and already a crack in the seat.

 

[panamclipper]

http://www.threemeninkilts.com/index.cfm

 

[coptercop]

I was flying an Army Huey into MGE about 10 years ago and we were told to expect a TACAN approach to 29. The Army aircraft had VORs, but not TACANs. My copilot accidentally transmits on UHF, "Who the F**K does he think we are? We don't have a G*d D*mn TACAN!" Then silence for about 2 minutes, and we hear "Army 345 expect a visual approach at Dobbins"

 

[rightrudder]

El Al pilot telling a center controller to have a Merry Christmas.

 

[JediNein]

Us: "Tower, Golden Eagle XXXXX is marker inbound."
ATC: "Roger XXX, hold short 16R."
Unknown aircraft: "I'd like to see that"

A SAAB does a go around due LLWS, "Tower, Eagle XXX is go-around, you want a left downwind?"
ATC: "Negative, you're getting the island tour behind some arrivals. For surf advisories, contact the Conga line on XXX.X"