Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[patriot88]

landing 27L yesterday at ORD, bit of a right xwind nothing major....tower gives the guy behind us clear to land winds 360 at 11 gusting 12.....look out for that one knot gust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


also yesterday capt is PNF and we are bouncing between ATL Center controllers on the way to GSP and one guy we're on with for about 20 seconds and the controller says "it has been short, but sweet contact ATL Center at xxx.xx". capt hits back without missing a beat, "that's what she said last night"...controller couldn't contain himself...

good times...

 

[CaptDave]

I don't get this?

"Was flying from PNS back to TLH.... tuned in on TLHapproach and they ask Xjet for visibility. They reply, "clear and a million"...next some other pilot chimes in, "flight info dot com"..."

 

[ShyFlyGuy]

I don't get this?

"Was flying from PNS back to TLH.... tuned in on TLHapproach and they ask Xjet for visibility. They reply, "clear and a million"...next some other pilot chimes in, "flight info dot com"..."

clear and a million . com is the alter ego to flightinfo.com. It's funny because they're websites, but the other pilot didn't know... funny.

Shy

 

[ShyFlyGuy]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

 

[DGdaPilot]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

Thank you for busting yourself out cause I thought that was hilarious. I'm sure I'll get a taste of that sooner than later.

 

[Fred Rogers]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

I'm pretty sure that captain who was laughing his a$$ off told me that story. I think it was the "That was so bad you didn't even get your callsign right" that really put the shine on.. ha ha No one is immune to that kind of thing, impressive though.

 

[Flyingtoohigh]

I was on the ground at a KPMV, a small uncontrolled field south of Omaha, Nebraska solo'ing a student for his first time. He made three decent landings I dropped me off at the ramp.

He goes around the pattern and makes one passable landing. On the second landing he comes around and bounces it... twice, with the wheels touching the pavement a grand total of three times. It wasn't pretty.

So just as this kid is trying to get his confidence back to try again some joker in the pattern comes on the radio immediate after the kid's botched landing and announces "...aaaaaaaaaaaaand he's current!"

Gotta love bug smasher humor!

 

[Ifly4money]

Once flying near TUL early in the morning a guy in a king air checks in out of 'bout 9000'. Center guy tells him out of 15k cleared direct destination. King air reads it back verbatum. About 5 min goes by and the center guy questions him on his route, if he really wants to go direct. The king then says sure would like that. The controller without missing a beat says "then take your rocket out of your hand and fly the airplane. I gave you direct out of 15k." I almost fell out of the airplane I was laughing so hard.

 

[Captain X]

Musta been getting close to shift change in IAH Tracon yesterday because the "Super Duper Hoover" guy was referring to all the Colgan flights as "Cold One 9XXX."

 

[ERfly]

Musta been getting close to shift change in IAH Tracon yesterday because the "Super Duper Hoover" guy was referring to all the Colgan flights as "Cold One 9XXX."

Yeah, Axe is working again finally. I haven't heard him since June. It was a nice change. I've also noticed, he's one of the few controllers that likes to keep everybody fast. Monday the conversation went something like this...

"Jetlincoln 3XXX, keep it on the barber pole, expect 26L, down to 10,000. How ya doin' dude?"

 

[Mr Wu]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

Better than the day I went through every flight number for the day while trying to call ready.......


"Syracuse tower, 4983..87..84..81, yeah, 4981 ready to go"

"you sure?'

"It's going to be a long day"

 

[CALnTX]

Several years ago in IAH

Female GND controller: "Jetlink 1234 taxi to runway 14R "

Jetlink 1234 :"Ok 14R, (pause) any chance of getting 8 out this morning"

Female GND controller:"That all depends what you look like"

 

[BizPilot]

I was level at 13,000ft today, just south of Chicago talking to Center. Heard a Cessna 172 pilot call up and ask, "Chicago Center, Could I amend my IFR flight plan?". Center asked, "Yes Sir, state nature of deviation, please?" There was a pause and the C172 pilot responded, "Center, I sharted in my pants."
Center replied, "(laughing sounds)....(pause)....Ok, Sir, but what airport would you like to deviate to?"

 

[schoolio]

I was level at 13,000ft today, just south of Chicago talking to Center. Heard a Cessna 172 pilot call up and ask, "Chicago Center, Could I amend my IFR flight plan?". Center asked, "Yes Sir, state nature of deviation, please?" There was a pause and the C172 pilot responded, "Center, I sharted in my pants."
Center replied, "(laughing sounds)....(pause)....Ok, Sir, but what airport would you like to deviate to?"

That's awesome. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

[Sam Snead]

Mini-hijack.

Search "sharted" and "pants" and I think it will lead you to a hecka funny thread about that very subject=my favorite thread so far

 

[ground stop]

two days ago listening to 121.5 over psb.

"you're on guard."
"so are you."
"don't be a dumba$$"

 

[cforst513]

i asked for close traffic the other day. tower asked me how much money i had. i laughed and told him i'm a pilot, i have no money.

he felt sorry for me and gave me closed traffic.

 

[pairways]

ok, so there it goes..

i was flying a 172 with my wife at my new cfi job and i was showing her some areas to rent an apt.
so we are on short final and i just remember i wanted to show her one more apt near the airport..
we were 200' and i screamed to her at the top of my lungs ( she had no headset )
'' i am going around for you baby to seeeeeeeee......'' as i applied full power.

The old male tower controller replied '' ....ohhhk.... what do you want me to see...???''

 

[Simple Man]

A few years ago, we were flying along, talking to New York Center, and the controller commented that some intermittent static that was on the frequency was caused by "A lot of construction going on at the center facility including the bathrooms. Maybe that's why there's some interference."

A US Air pilot (through a lot of laughter) then asked the controller if the center "had a condom vending machine in the men's room."

The controller, who either didn't have much of a sense of humor, or needed a lot of caffeine, simply replied, "No, I don't think we do."

My hat's off to the US Air Crew! That was the highlight of the flight!

 

[Clacker]

The Scene: A dark and stormy night at JFK.
Dozen or so different airlines and lots of heavily accented radio calls, many of them completely unreadable...Everyone is trying to get in that conga line to cross the North Atlantic, and the ground controller can't see any of them because of the vis is down to a quarter or so. Everyone is getting stepped on, airplanes are on the wrong taxiways, and the poor controller is losing it. Finally, he announces: "Everyone Stop Right Now!! I want everyone to hold their position. Do not move!" A shocked silence ensues for a few seconds and then, very quietly, someone says: "Delta moved...."