Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[ERfly]

MALE COW FECES!!!!

Like Air Force One advertizes itself on VHF. Isn't AF1 military and don't they use UHF?

Those tankers up there are military and they use VHF. It's a Boeing 747. It should have a VHF radio in it. I've heard Air Force 1 on the radio quite a bit. It's no goverment secret. The airplane flies and uses the radio. I've had AF1 pointed out as traffic to me once.

 

[ms6073]

Isn't AF1 military and don't they use UHF?

Yes AF1 is military but what radio band they use depends on where they are going and who they are talking to as well as the traffic that gets vectored out of their way!

 

[skyhwk74]

controller: "jetlink 2345, you're following company 12 o'clock 5 miles a 73"

reply: "Holy Sh$t, we've got 73's now? What happened to the 190's?!?!"

 

[Fred Rogers]

Great thread.. HIGHLARIOUS.

A little humor on the radio can really turn a crappy day around for me

 

[gkrangers]

I was in ILM and someone in a twin cessna was complaining about being slow or something...and I changed my call sign to "slow single engine cessna"...and I ended up saying something about how I wished I had more than one engine...and tower said "Well, I have four. One in my plane, one in my car, one in my boat, and one in my lawnmower."

 

[DGdaPilot]

This summer: Center tells us that a 737 (I can't remember who) was climbing really slow and "is having trouble gettin' it up" and asks us to adjust for spacing. In his Irish accent and in no time at all, my Capt says "Well I'm sorry to hear that and we'll see if we can help him out...haha....."

God it was hilarious. The 737 pilots never said a word.

 

[Sam Snead]

When I was at Colgan, 'round the turn of the millenium, several of the Beech 1900s were painted in red, white, and blue with stars.

North American 757s had an American flag paint job also.

Colgan: Ground, Colgan 5900 at A1
Boston Ground: Colgan 5900, taxi to the ramp, follow the Mother Ship.

North American was the "Mother Ship."

I believe the controllers used that whenever possible; not too often 'cause North American was not frequent in Boston.

-Retired 1900 slave

 

[Exskydiverdrivr]

About 10 years back I was rightseat in a Lear 35 out of LAX. An Aeromexico just departed ahead of us and was giving the controllers a fit. (wrong altitude readbacks , turning the wrong way, and just a real bad conversation in very broken english.) We get handed off to Departure and here's our guy again-still messin it up. Right before he get's handed to center Socal say's

Sc-"Aeromexico xxxx, we got a phone # for ya , advise ready to copy"

Aeromexico xxxx-"Royer-ready to copy"

Sc- "Aeromexico xxxx contact SoCal (gives the phone #) when you get to your destination.

Different voice comes on - must have been the Captain
"Deparyer Aeromehico xxxx, we goin to Mazatlan. That call long distance, not gonna work for me. Maybe we call you next time."

..... What are you gonna do??????

 

[CLE145CA]

Passing through IND Center airspace a few years ago we got a hand off to the next sector. So my FO tries a couple of times to check in with no answer. He switches back to the previous frequency to verify the correct frequency is dialed in. Sure enough it is. We go back and try he tries again three more times and no response. When he is about to try again I tell him to let me.

ME: "Indy Center, Jetlink 1234, level at FLXXX, sixth call."
Immediately and without missing a beat...
CNTR: "Roger, Jetlink 1234, first response."

Another time we were coming up from south TX in the EMB120 days in IAH. They assigned us a runway 27 with a resulting looooong downwind vector. Eventually the controller gave us the base leg turn and descent. We responded with the instructions and started the turn/descent.

A minute later the controller comes back:

"Jetlink, 1234, turn left 360 descend to 4,000."
ME (not being a dick): "Yes, approach we copied that and responded the last time."
Controller: "OK, wasn't sure I heard the readback."
ME: "Well, we are so far away from the airport it probably hasn't arrived yet."
Controller (laughing): "So how does LCH (Lake Charles, LA) look?"
ME: "Clear and a million. Thought we were landing there for a minute."

Finally, overheard on another flight (I forget the airline):

Controller: "Airline 5678, contact center 123.45."
Pilot: "Roger, 132.45, Airline 5678."
Controller: "Check that frequency...123.45."
Pilot: "Roger, we copied 132.45."
Controller: "No, sir, you have your numbers mixed...1-2-3 POINT 4-5."
Pilot: "Ooops, sorry about that. I used to be an airline CEO in my previous life."

 

[Publishers]

Aztec to Delta pilot complaining about waiting for the little aircraft to land:
"I own what I fly, how about you?"
Tower: OK children, you fly I control

Tower, 4tm for taxi
Tower I'll call you one

Delta complaining about late decent instructions
Tower No problem - take up a heading of 270 and we will call your base.
10 minutes later,,,,, Delta how is that decent coming?