Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[dhc8drvr]

Heard while taxiing in Phoenix a few years ago.


Ground: "Cactus 123, follow the RJ at November to 25R."

Cactus: "follow the SJ to 25R"

Mesa: (in a somewhat pissy voice) "Thats RJ, not SJ Cactus"

Cactus: "You say potato, I say pahtato"

Ground: (without skipping a beat) "yeah well, lets call the whole thing off"

 

[flatspin7]

Last night in EWR we get cut off by a Pilatus right at the end of the runway... the line up was a good 15+ plane long we were #2. I call the tower to make sure we werent supposed to follow him...

TWR... No he was supossed to give way.. don't worry I'll take care of him.
TWR... Pilatus XXXX Cross 22R at W and do a 180 on the Taxiway you are now number 8.

Some one esle.... WELCOME TO NEWARK... THAT'LL learn ya.

 

[ilkwamh2]

ORD Ground: "United XXX, if you hurry it up, you can beat Air Canada by A12."
United: "Roger"
Unknown voice: "U.S.A.!!!"

 

[NCFlyer]

Heard last night on Washington Center:

Center: Air Shuttle XXXX where are you going?

Air Shuttle: ILM

Center: Well you are 15 miles off course and going the wrong way to get to ILM, turn right 40 degrees for a vector to the airport.

Dead silence on the radio.

I was just waiting for some smart comment, but there was none made. I guess all were in the Christmas spirit and just wanting to get home.

 

[MEL'ed]

Tonight in LGA, taxiing to 13 transferred to monitor twr after a Comair just landed.

Twr: Comair, why did you say you went around before?
Comair: Erroneous glideslope indications.
Twr: (laughing) Earlier we thought you said erroneous psychological indications.

Maybe you had to be there, maybe not but it made the day for my CA and I since nothing else exciting happened on Christmas and we had to fly.

 

[Peanut gallery]

Funniest thing????

That would have to be Delta on the tracks in MNPS airspace. No wonder the historic GNE rate.

 

[LegacyDriver]

I was flying on J60 out of KHPN and managed to inadvertently get into a pi$$ing contest with a controller.

We were between ETX and PSB on J60 (DJB was up the road).

He cleared us "direct to Solberg" (which is SBJ).

I looked at the routing and said, "WTF?" SBJ was 60 miles BEHIND us and not on J60.

"Sir, Solberg is not on our route. Do you mean Dryer (DJB) perhaps?" I asked him.

"This is not a debate!" he railed. "Cleared direct SOLBERG, J60 on course."

I tried to explain things to the guy but he wouldn't have it. My co-pilot is a retired USAirways Captain and he had just about had enough so he jumped in and said, "If we are to go to Solberg we are going to have to do a 180 degree turn. Surely you can do better than that."

"SOLBERG is at your twelve o'clock and 80 miles!" the controller demanded. "East TEXAS is behind you."

Twelve o'clock and eighty miles was PSB (PHILLIPSBURG) not Solberg. So we just said, "Roger, direct Solberg," and went to PSB.

What a jacka$$. We obviously went where he wanted us to at least...but talk about embarassing.

 

[Tail Gunner Joe]

That would have to be Delta on the tracks in MNPS airspace. No wonder the historic GNE rate.

Huh???

"Sprocket? I said SOCKET!"

 

[Spoolingbyu]

Prez

Sometime last fall thereabouts, I was on the way from RIC to AGC with Washington when I heard,

AF1: Wash center, Air Force One, xx for x thousand.
Center: Air Force One, washington center, roger, cross DUNNO at 250 and 10, alt xx.xx
AF1: DUNNO at 250 and 10, Air Force One
Unknown: GO BUSH!

 

[Mr Wu]

Sometime last fall thereabouts, I was on the way from RIC to AGC with Washington when I heard,

AF1: Wash center, Air Force One, xx for x thousand.
Center: Air Force One, washington center, roger, cross DUNNO at 250 and 10, alt xx.xx
AF1: DUNNO at 250 and 10, Air Force One
Unknown: GO BUSH!

MALE COW FECES!!!!

Like Air Force One advertizes itself on VHF. Isn't AF1 military and don't they use UHF?