Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[Mr Wu]

I'll sell myself out on this, just cause it's funny.

SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, turn left heading 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, caught picking my nose or something: Uhhh... left turn 130, climb and maintain 12,000... Airliner 4814.
SYR Dep: Airliner 4811, no. That was so wrong you didn't even get your callsign right. Left turn 120, climb and maintain 13,000.
Me, clearly flustered as my CA laughs his ass off: Oh, sorry about that, left turn 130, climb and maintain 12000, Airliner 4811.
SYR Dep: Nope, still wrong. I'll go one at a time, Airliner 4811, turn left 120.
Me, shrinking in my seat: Left 120, 4811.
SYR Dep: Good, climb to 13,000, Airliner 4811.
Me: 13,000', 4811.
SYR Dep: Perfect.

Sheesh!

Shy

Better than the day I went through every flight number for the day while trying to call ready.......


"Syracuse tower, 4983..87..84..81, yeah, 4981 ready to go"

"you sure?'

"It's going to be a long day"

 

[CALnTX]

Several years ago in IAH

Female GND controller: "Jetlink 1234 taxi to runway 14R "

Jetlink 1234 :"Ok 14R, (pause) any chance of getting 8 out this morning"

Female GND controller:"That all depends what you look like"

 

[BizPilot]

I was level at 13,000ft today, just south of Chicago talking to Center. Heard a Cessna 172 pilot call up and ask, "Chicago Center, Could I amend my IFR flight plan?". Center asked, "Yes Sir, state nature of deviation, please?" There was a pause and the C172 pilot responded, "Center, I sharted in my pants."
Center replied, "(laughing sounds)....(pause)....Ok, Sir, but what airport would you like to deviate to?"

 

[schoolio]

I was level at 13,000ft today, just south of Chicago talking to Center. Heard a Cessna 172 pilot call up and ask, "Chicago Center, Could I amend my IFR flight plan?". Center asked, "Yes Sir, state nature of deviation, please?" There was a pause and the C172 pilot responded, "Center, I sharted in my pants."
Center replied, "(laughing sounds)....(pause)....Ok, Sir, but what airport would you like to deviate to?"

That's awesome. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

[Sam Snead]

Mini-hijack.

Search "sharted" and "pants" and I think it will lead you to a hecka funny thread about that very subject=my favorite thread so far

 

[ground stop]

two days ago listening to 121.5 over psb.

"you're on guard."
"so are you."
"don't be a dumba$$"

 

[cforst513]

i asked for close traffic the other day. tower asked me how much money i had. i laughed and told him i'm a pilot, i have no money.

he felt sorry for me and gave me closed traffic.

 

[pairways]

ok, so there it goes..

i was flying a 172 with my wife at my new cfi job and i was showing her some areas to rent an apt.
so we are on short final and i just remember i wanted to show her one more apt near the airport..
we were 200' and i screamed to her at the top of my lungs ( she had no headset )
'' i am going around for you baby to seeeeeeeee......'' as i applied full power.

The old male tower controller replied '' ....ohhhk.... what do you want me to see...???''

 

[Simple Man]

A few years ago, we were flying along, talking to New York Center, and the controller commented that some intermittent static that was on the frequency was caused by "A lot of construction going on at the center facility including the bathrooms. Maybe that's why there's some interference."

A US Air pilot (through a lot of laughter) then asked the controller if the center "had a condom vending machine in the men's room."

The controller, who either didn't have much of a sense of humor, or needed a lot of caffeine, simply replied, "No, I don't think we do."

My hat's off to the US Air Crew! That was the highlight of the flight!

 

[Clacker]

The Scene: A dark and stormy night at JFK.
Dozen or so different airlines and lots of heavily accented radio calls, many of them completely unreadable...Everyone is trying to get in that conga line to cross the North Atlantic, and the ground controller can't see any of them because of the vis is down to a quarter or so. Everyone is getting stepped on, airplanes are on the wrong taxiways, and the poor controller is losing it. Finally, he announces: "Everyone Stop Right Now!! I want everyone to hold their position. Do not move!" A shocked silence ensues for a few seconds and then, very quietly, someone says: "Delta moved...."