Funniest Thing You've Heard on the Radio?

[PoorJetDriver]

Climbing out of STL the other morning and a JetCorp corporate guy is looking for a SWA flight with KC Center. He finally ends up on the frequency with the SWA flight and says on the radio "Southwest do you have a Nattie working in the back. It's my girlfriend will you say hi to her for me." Southwest doesn't respond and center asks if they heard. The guy says it again and the SWA pilot sort of grunts that they have a Nattie in the back.
All of a sudden some other guy says "Yeah and tell her Hi from us too....and tell her thanks for last night" Complete silence for 2 minutes and the next time Center calls JetCorp a female voice responds...

 

[JetDriver2727]

Iad

On a peticularly crappy weather day in IAD a FEMALE ground controller was issuing taxi instructions as fast as she could and was doing a fine job I might add. However, she was being quite snippy towards aircraft, talking to them like they were 3 year olds or starting every sentence with "listen up." One departue "corridor" had just been closed due to a thunderstorm in the area, and it caused the taxi sequence to change for some aircraft already in line for takeoff. A UAL 777 was waiting in the C/D gate ramp area (spot 82) and was being quite assertive as to his whereabouts and intention to taxi. After several unaswered attempts, the controller informed him to standby and that his sequence would be behind an Independence CRJ (which was about 5 or 6 airplanes back from even crossing in front of the UAL 777) and that he needed to maintain radio silence until she was "ready to deal with him." From an unknown aircraft a loud "REeEeEeAaAaAaR" (like a cat) came over the radio. After a 5 second pregnant pause, the voice from UAL changed (obviously the captain) and he began a lengthly lecture about overseas flying, fuel, and to the fact that he should be 5 airplanes ahead of where he was at based on his first unanswered call. The controller said that he should talk to her supervisor and spatted off the tower number without breaking her sentence, and then preceeded to issue several other clearances without unkeying the mike. During the first break the UAL captain made a loose lipped threat that he would be calling and to please "mark the tape."

I couldn't concentrate after "reeeeeeaaaaarrrr," it was so fitting -

 

[SWA GUY]

So I'm on the arrival into SAN, and another Wn jet is on the freq and I hear this exchange:

LA Center: SOUTHWEST 123 cleared direct MOMAR(intersection).

SOUTHWEST 123: Roger LA Center. Cleared direct to not Larry-Mar, not Curly-Mar, but direct Mo-Mar, Southwest 123.

 

[SWA GUY]

Here's another:

CLE Center: Southwest 123, say flight conditions.

Southwest 123: Rougher than a stucco bathtub.

CLE Center: Dang!!! That's pretty rough!!!

 

[787]

Tune up 30.55 for the nightly XJ barn yard. A good 'mooo' will get it goin'

 

[Cardinal]

I'm glad to hear it's not just us...Buk-Buk.....BuKAW!

 

[snowman]

cardinal,
Which freq. are you on in the denver area..
i might want to listen to some of the barnyard antics...
adios

 

[MajorAv8r]

ASA ATR taxiing out in ATL for T/O- tower asked if they wanted an intersection take-off. They say they can't.

Delta- whats the matter Acey (old callsign) you heavy this morning?

ASA - without hesitation- yeah we have your wife on board.

 

[Lineup&wt]

ON my way back from PNS to TPA.
"female voice very flustered"
Jax this is FLight express **** we've got some weather ahead of us can we get 15 to the Right
Jax, that will put you in the thick of it.
FE, how about 15 to the right
Jax,sure but that doesn't look to good either
FE, Well how about a left 360
JAX, (a little laughing) sure why not, how are those turns around a point comming along
FE, non responsive to the joke, "WELL forget it Jax can just do a 180 back home.

Seriously

 

[Positive Rate]

we are taxin out and a 9E guy says something like "ground? Were we supposed to follow someone?"....ground says "nope, your good.".....9E says "Wow, we actually did something right for once?"......we say "your used to that?"........9E says "touche"...........you might have had to been there to hear the tones in all of our voices, but it was pretty funny to us.....

 

[thatpilotguy]

Back in my flight instructing days we use to do some contract training for middle eastern clients. Their english was pretty bad, and it was always comical to hear the response from the students.

One particular afternoon I was holding short for some traffic in the pattern the student pilot was making full stop taxi backs. After taking off again the tower asked the student. "Piper 1234 what are your intentions." The student obviously having problems with the english language responded with "my intentions are to be a commercial pilot!"


I have never laughed so hard in my entire life!

 

[captpetefam]

Heard coming into DTW

We're on the Mizar arrival and get this over CHI-C.

CHI-C: Mesaba 3661, say assigned airspeed?

Mesaba 3661: 290 Knots.

CHI-C: Roger. Cactus 234, say assigned airspeed?

Cactus 234: 290 Knots.

CHI-C: Cactus 234, how come your 290 Knots is 50 Knots faster than the RJ in front of you?
----------------No Response-----------------

 

[Top Gum]

Some mature sounding southern gentleman flying a King Air inbound to Dallas: "We need to turn ___ degrees to avoid weather."

Dallas: "Unable right now."

King Air: "This cell looks pretty ugly. We need a turn."

Dallas: "You will have to wait a few miles for traffic."

King Air: "We're turning. The worst thing that can happen to you is falling off that stool!"


Merry Christmas!
TG

 

[Mr Wu]

Heard tonight.......

JETLINK Albany, any braking action report for RWY 19

ALBANY APP It's been good for a week

JETLINK ATIS says there's slush and ice

ALBANY APP It says the center 130' is dry and that's where we usually want you to land

UNKNOWN VOICE Wasn't it 40 degrees today?

ALBANY APP 43 Degrees

UNK VOICE Didn't it snow last week?

ALBANY APP Yes. Last friday, no, thursday

JETLINK (silence)




Later on tower after jetlink landed

ALB TOWER So, Jetlink, how was it

JETLINK UMmmmm, Good.

 

[ERfly]

Heard tonight.......

JETLINK Albany, any braking action report for RWY 19

ALBANY APP It's been good for a week

JETLINK ATIS says there's slush and ice

ALBANY APP It says the center 130' is dry and that's where we usually want you to land

UNKNOWN VOICE Wasn't it 40 degrees today?

ALBANY APP 43 Degrees

UNK VOICE Didn't it snow last week?

ALBANY APP Yes. Last friday, no, thursday

JETLINK (silence)




Later on tower after jetlink landed

ALB TOWER So, Jetlink, how was it

JETLINK UMmmmm, Good.

He probably wasn't thinking correctly because he was still thinking about how he showed his FO "The Best Way To Do The Dylin" on the last leg. XJT FOs know what I'm talking about. Merry Christmas, to all.

 

[DeltaLima21]

A few years back, I heard this on Approach freq.

ATC: Northwest 640, turn heading 330, cleared ILS 30L Approach.

FEMALE NWA pilot: repeats.

Unknown Voice: Its a shame, a brand new 757, and already a crack in the seat.

 

[panamclipper]

http://www.threemeninkilts.com/index.cfm

 

[coptercop]

I was flying an Army Huey into MGE about 10 years ago and we were told to expect a TACAN approach to 29. The Army aircraft had VORs, but not TACANs. My copilot accidentally transmits on UHF, "Who the F**K does he think we are? We don't have a G*d D*mn TACAN!" Then silence for about 2 minutes, and we hear "Army 345 expect a visual approach at Dobbins"

 

[rightrudder]

El Al pilot telling a center controller to have a Merry Christmas.

 

[JediNein]

Us: "Tower, Golden Eagle XXXXX is marker inbound."
ATC: "Roger XXX, hold short 16R."
Unknown aircraft: "I'd like to see that"

A SAAB does a go around due LLWS, "Tower, Eagle XXX is go-around, you want a left downwind?"
ATC: "Negative, you're getting the island tour behind some arrivals. For surf advisories, contact the Conga line on XXX.X"