What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[CA1900]

A few years before, at the gas station in uniform, was asked to fill 'er up by a little old man.

If you center it just right and pump slowly, you can make the Diesel hose fill up a gasoline car.

 

[Boxav8r]

I've got a couple

One morning, about 0200 in the lobby of the Brunswick Hilton, I was waiting for the F/O while standing and talking to the Capt. A Porsche Carrera pulls up, and the guy gets out, walks in the lobby, and hands me the keys while asking me to park it. I told him I'd be happy to, and that I expected to be back in about 2 weeks. Would that be fine with him? After about 3 seconds of standing there with his mouth opened, he realized his mistake and apologized.

I've been asked for directions to the airport long term parking lot while standing in a ticket line. This lady was mad that I didn't know the answer.

I too, often get the "What route do you fly".

And of course, my favorite: Are you building time for a real airline job? My answer: No, I like FedEx better because we have smarter passengers.

************************************
I swear this is true, though I was not asked the question. (I heard it with my own eyes!) I was dead heading out of SLC. Shortly after rotation, the lady in the seat in front of me rang her F/A call button. (Probably between 500 and 1000 agl) The F/A, thinking something was wrong, immediately went to the passenger and asked what she wanted. The lady, just as calmly as if she was sitting in her living room asked the F/A, "What lake is that?" while pointing out the window at The Great Salt Lake.... duh.
F/A: "You're kidding right?
Pax: "No."
F/A: "If you ring that call button again, you'd better be having a heart attack".

************************************
The four phases of flying:

• Paying to fly
• Flying for free
• Getting paid to fly
• Getting paid NOT to fly

 

[Steveair]

All by the same moron while I was dead heading...


"Do you fly the Canadian Air Regional Jet?"

"Whoa! Are we pulling G's???"

"What's that light on the wing for?"

 

[CapnVegetto]

You know, there's a deer season, duck season, rabbit season, etc......why can't we have a stupid people season? For about 3 months out of the year, whenever you see someone that is stupid, you can just shoot 'em. That would be nice.

 

[Blucher]

But then who would run the airlines and collect all those golden parachutes?:uzi:

 

[suupah]

while working at applebees (the second job)

Why do you work here if you are a pilot. Aren't you rich?

 

[DDpaysoff]

1. "Why are we delayed to Boston?" Weather. "What do they not have lights on the runway or something?"

2. I overheard a pax say this to a F/A during boarding, "Who did you piss off at Delta to fly this thing?"

3. If I had a dime for everytime I heard this one, "Don't you get scared flying around those planes up in the sky?"

4. "Are these propeller planes safe?" Keep in mind we were on a jet.

5. "Why is this flight always late?" I said, Welcome to New York.

6. One of my non-flying freinds call me up. "Hey, when are you going to be in Jacksonville again, my new girlfriend has a hot friend who loves guys with cash.

7. "Weather delay, yeah right, there is not a cloud in the sky"

8. Another non flying freind of mine gets on a delta connection chautaqua plane down in Lauderdale and asks the flight attendant if she knew me. He said, "he flies those delta planes". She must have assumed mainline and says, "no that's where they send the good pilots."

9. Do we have enough fuel for this?

10. I was in the laundry room at my apartment complex chatting with some guy waiting for our laundry to finish. He said, so what do you do. I'm a pilot, I fly. He had this blank stare on his face and said, "and you live here, I thought you guys made a ton of money"

Some thug looking guy in indy once asked me, how do you become a pilot? Do you get to smoke pot still?

 

[CapnVegetto]

1. "Why are we delayed to Boston?" Weather. "What do they not have lights on the runway or something?"

2. I overheard a pax say this to a F/A during boarding, "Who did you piss off at Delta to fly this thing?"

3. If I had a dime for everytime I heard this one, "Don't you get scared flying around those planes up in the sky?"

4. "Are these propeller planes safe?" Keep in mind we were on a jet.

5. "Why is this flight always late?" I said, Welcome to New York.

6. One of my non-flying freinds call me up. "Hey, when are you going to be in Jacksonville again, my new girlfriend has a hot friend who loves guys with cash.

7. "Weather delay, yeah right, there is not a cloud in the sky"

8. Another non flying freind of mine gets on a delta connection chautaqua plane down in Lauderdale and asks the flight attendant if she knew me. He said, "he flies those delta planes". She must have assumed mainline and says, "no that's where they send the good pilots."

9. Do we have enough fuel for this?

10. I was in the laundry room at my apartment complex chatting with some guy waiting for our laundry to finish. He said, so what do you do. I'm a pilot, I fly. He had this blank stare on his face and said, "and you live here, I thought you guys made a ton of money"

Some thug looking guy in indy once asked me, how do you become a pilot? Do you get to smoke pot still?

Regarding #6......one word.....

LIE!!!

 

[DDpaysoff]

Oh, I forgot one. "How do you take-off in the snow?"

 

[scottn2flying]

bump......

 

[CrownandCoke]

Pax: Are you old enough to fly this airplane?
Me: (straight face) No

Pax: What do you do if it starts snowing?
Me: go play in the snow

Pax: What time does my next flight leave?
Me: go take a look at the monitors
Pax: What's a monitor? (I am not making that up.)

 

[SPDBRD747400]

Q. So what do you do for the airlines?
Q. Are you my cruise director? (in MIA)
Q. So who's flying the airplane? (going on the "walk of shame")
Q. So if both pilots got sick, could you land this 767? (non-reving on DL)
Q. I just flew in from Toledo, did my bags make it?
Q. Do you guys really dump the "blue juice" in the air?

These are all ones I've had...

 

[BlueCanoe]

...boarding the 145 in LGA:
1) Is this a prop? after they walk up the stairs
2)LIJ in a leopard print body suit and big hair It's soooo smallll!!!
Me: Rub it on the nose, it'll get bigger

In PHL
Where's C16?

Non-revving on a 737, overhead by a couple in front of me: This must be a small plane. Usually we walk up the jetway to get on!

Another non-revving day, early in the AM as I got in too late the night before to get home. A long-haired guy is working on the jetbridge door lock, then goes down the jetway. After boarding begins, I'm behind 2 business travellers at the bottom of the jetway. The long-haired guy working on the door comes back up from his truck. After a brief discussion on how serious the engine maintenence is, they ask me if it's going to be a problem. I said no, you just walked past him when he was working on the door lock 2 minutes ago.

 

[pb1900]

I was standing in front of the 4 points sheraton in Birmingham with my crew when a guy pulled up in a mercedes, got out and handed me the keys asking if I could park it for him...

 

[orangeskysurfer]

On my off days, im a substitute teacher for my local high school. One day the kids had some idle time and decided to start asking me random questions. After some prying, they found out that I flew for the airlines. You look young, were you in the air force? How long did it take? a barage of questions from all of them at once. Then one kid asks "isnt it hard to fly those planes?" and before I can respond to the question, one kid says... The terrorists were pilots, anyone can fly an airplane.. I did all i could to not lash out at this point and tried to erase the comment from my memory.

 

[8HourPilot]

ORD-HPN........Lady in 1B = Can you turn the engines down?

Home - ORD going to work. "Are you old enough to be a pilot?" "Nope, it's bring your son to work day, and that's my dad" (as I point to the capt that I am about to ask for a ride from)

 

[Longhorn]

Ahhhh....the thread has been brough back to life...Nice work guys.

 

["Luke"]

Had a #1 bearing go through the engine on a B-1900 just after takeoff, so we came back and landed. As the passengers deplaned, one of them looks at the #1 engine and the pool of oil from the oil running out of it and asks if we blew an engine. I thought the 2 compressor stalls with flame would have answered that question.

You couldn't even turn the prop by hand.

When we called crew tracking to get a hotel, they told us to stand by, cause they were going to have a mechanic look at it to see if we could ferry it out of there.

 

[WWEfan]

I had a Go-Jet pilot ask to ride my jumpseat. I thought that was a pretty dumb question.

 

[Princedietrich]

Me: Now remember, it's always important to make sure the props are in sync. It's a sign of a true professional.

Caravan Trainee: I'll remember that. What's the best way to sync them?

 

[Muppets]

The morning after the Comair crash I had a lady ask my FO if we were going to use the right runway.....passengers suck.

 

[Minimaniac]

When non-revving, I often get the " shouldn't you be up there flying?", to which I reply:" No, I'm kinda tired this morning, I think the F/O can handle it."

Flying an Aztec through the midwest (no radar) on night, controller states there are level 5 and 6 cells ahead, with hail greater than 2 inches, winds over 90 knots, and a confirmed tornado... do I want to continue on my planned route?!!!!!

FA asked me if I liked being an FO. "It's fine for now". She then asks me why I applied to be an FO... didn't I want to be a captain?

 

[RefugePilot]

Q: Aren't you young to be a pilot?
A: Yes, that's why I'm with the make-a-wish foundation. They're letting me fly this leg.

My favorite so far, I might try it if I ever have PAX.

"It should be cool we get to wear helmets don't we"
I was taking a friend flying for the first time in a C152. She is a little high strung and is prescribed Zanax to keep things level which she takes when she flys commercially.

I handed here a headset and said here's your helmet.

"You need to turn on your flash"
Advice from the person sitting next to someone taking a photo out of an airplane window at night.

 

[Razorback Flyer]

#1: While Walking through the terminal, a passenger looking for her flight to SFO stopped me and asked me "where is San Fransico" Very hard not to point over my shoulder and say "oh, 'bout 2000 miles that way." (She was actually very courteous, so I tried to a least help her find a custumer service agent, but she had unfornately missed the flight.)

#2: Had a passenger ask something about if he was getting a meal on his flight, or something of that nature. We were in a terminal with multiple airlines (where Champion, USA 3000, and various other charter types went out of,) so I asked which what airline he was flying on. He got irrated, and shouted "Well... I don't know!" I was at a loss for words.

 

[00Dog]

Near the Delta gates at SFO I had a lady ask me why they took out the Starbucks.

Had another lady on a St. Croix to St. Thomas flight ask me which lake we were over. I was truly shocked.

 

[COOPERVANE]

While waiting to check into hotel some guy walks up and hands me $5.00


"Hey bellman, can you get me a cab?"

 

[whaleroast]

While waiting to check into hotel some guy walks up and hands me $5.00


"Hey bellman, can you get me a cab?"

I saw this happen one time to a captain I was doing a trip with. Early morning, in uniform with the hats on waiting in the lobby for the van to take us to the airport, and some guy walked right up to him, dropped his bags at the captains feet and asked if he could pull the shuttle around to the front. He had a flight to catch, he said.

 

[Longhorn]

Hear at MSP over the announcement system.

"would the person leaving a hearing air at checkpoint 1 please return to claim your item"

I just started laughing and kept on walking.

 

[dingo222]

standing outside the terminal smoking one morning...... a dad and his little son walk up. Dad is impressing his kid with knowledge of airplanes and then see's me and says " see the three stripes on his jacket, see it, see it" pulls his son within 2 feet of me "he's a copilot, he talks on the radio and the captain teaches him to fly."

I wanted to put my cig out on dad's face and pull out my crank and say, i'm you father luke!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Poahi]

Where's my daughter?? (Okay, maybe is wasn't so dumb....)