What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[CA1900]

A few years before, at the gas station in uniform, was asked to fill 'er up by a little old man.

If you center it just right and pump slowly, you can make the Diesel hose fill up a gasoline car.

 

[Boxav8r]

I've got a couple

One morning, about 0200 in the lobby of the Brunswick Hilton, I was waiting for the F/O while standing and talking to the Capt. A Porsche Carrera pulls up, and the guy gets out, walks in the lobby, and hands me the keys while asking me to park it. I told him I'd be happy to, and that I expected to be back in about 2 weeks. Would that be fine with him? After about 3 seconds of standing there with his mouth opened, he realized his mistake and apologized.

I've been asked for directions to the airport long term parking lot while standing in a ticket line. This lady was mad that I didn't know the answer.

I too, often get the "What route do you fly".

And of course, my favorite: Are you building time for a real airline job? My answer: No, I like FedEx better because we have smarter passengers.

************************************
I swear this is true, though I was not asked the question. (I heard it with my own eyes!) I was dead heading out of SLC. Shortly after rotation, the lady in the seat in front of me rang her F/A call button. (Probably between 500 and 1000 agl) The F/A, thinking something was wrong, immediately went to the passenger and asked what she wanted. The lady, just as calmly as if she was sitting in her living room asked the F/A, "What lake is that?" while pointing out the window at The Great Salt Lake.... duh.
F/A: "You're kidding right?
Pax: "No."
F/A: "If you ring that call button again, you'd better be having a heart attack".

************************************
The four phases of flying:

• Paying to fly
• Flying for free
• Getting paid to fly
• Getting paid NOT to fly

 

[Steveair]

All by the same moron while I was dead heading...


"Do you fly the Canadian Air Regional Jet?"

"Whoa! Are we pulling G's???"

"What's that light on the wing for?"

 

[CapnVegetto]

You know, there's a deer season, duck season, rabbit season, etc......why can't we have a stupid people season? For about 3 months out of the year, whenever you see someone that is stupid, you can just shoot 'em. That would be nice.

 

[Blucher]

But then who would run the airlines and collect all those golden parachutes?:uzi:

 

[suupah]

while working at applebees (the second job)

Why do you work here if you are a pilot. Aren't you rich?

 

[DDpaysoff]

1. "Why are we delayed to Boston?" Weather. "What do they not have lights on the runway or something?"

2. I overheard a pax say this to a F/A during boarding, "Who did you piss off at Delta to fly this thing?"

3. If I had a dime for everytime I heard this one, "Don't you get scared flying around those planes up in the sky?"

4. "Are these propeller planes safe?" Keep in mind we were on a jet.

5. "Why is this flight always late?" I said, Welcome to New York.

6. One of my non-flying freinds call me up. "Hey, when are you going to be in Jacksonville again, my new girlfriend has a hot friend who loves guys with cash.

7. "Weather delay, yeah right, there is not a cloud in the sky"

8. Another non flying freind of mine gets on a delta connection chautaqua plane down in Lauderdale and asks the flight attendant if she knew me. He said, "he flies those delta planes". She must have assumed mainline and says, "no that's where they send the good pilots."

9. Do we have enough fuel for this?

10. I was in the laundry room at my apartment complex chatting with some guy waiting for our laundry to finish. He said, so what do you do. I'm a pilot, I fly. He had this blank stare on his face and said, "and you live here, I thought you guys made a ton of money"

Some thug looking guy in indy once asked me, how do you become a pilot? Do you get to smoke pot still?

 

[CapnVegetto]

1. "Why are we delayed to Boston?" Weather. "What do they not have lights on the runway or something?"

2. I overheard a pax say this to a F/A during boarding, "Who did you piss off at Delta to fly this thing?"

3. If I had a dime for everytime I heard this one, "Don't you get scared flying around those planes up in the sky?"

4. "Are these propeller planes safe?" Keep in mind we were on a jet.

5. "Why is this flight always late?" I said, Welcome to New York.

6. One of my non-flying freinds call me up. "Hey, when are you going to be in Jacksonville again, my new girlfriend has a hot friend who loves guys with cash.

7. "Weather delay, yeah right, there is not a cloud in the sky"

8. Another non flying freind of mine gets on a delta connection chautaqua plane down in Lauderdale and asks the flight attendant if she knew me. He said, "he flies those delta planes". She must have assumed mainline and says, "no that's where they send the good pilots."

9. Do we have enough fuel for this?

10. I was in the laundry room at my apartment complex chatting with some guy waiting for our laundry to finish. He said, so what do you do. I'm a pilot, I fly. He had this blank stare on his face and said, "and you live here, I thought you guys made a ton of money"

Some thug looking guy in indy once asked me, how do you become a pilot? Do you get to smoke pot still?

Regarding #6......one word.....

LIE!!!

 

[DDpaysoff]

Oh, I forgot one. "How do you take-off in the snow?"

 

[scottn2flying]

bump......

 

[CrownandCoke]

Pax: Are you old enough to fly this airplane?
Me: (straight face) No

Pax: What do you do if it starts snowing?
Me: go play in the snow

Pax: What time does my next flight leave?
Me: go take a look at the monitors
Pax: What's a monitor? (I am not making that up.)

 

[SPDBRD747400]

Q. So what do you do for the airlines?
Q. Are you my cruise director? (in MIA)
Q. So who's flying the airplane? (going on the "walk of shame")
Q. So if both pilots got sick, could you land this 767? (non-reving on DL)
Q. I just flew in from Toledo, did my bags make it?
Q. Do you guys really dump the "blue juice" in the air?

These are all ones I've had...

 

[BlueCanoe]

...boarding the 145 in LGA:
1) Is this a prop? after they walk up the stairs
2)LIJ in a leopard print body suit and big hair It's soooo smallll!!!
Me: Rub it on the nose, it'll get bigger

In PHL
Where's C16?

Non-revving on a 737, overhead by a couple in front of me: This must be a small plane. Usually we walk up the jetway to get on!

Another non-revving day, early in the AM as I got in too late the night before to get home. A long-haired guy is working on the jetbridge door lock, then goes down the jetway. After boarding begins, I'm behind 2 business travellers at the bottom of the jetway. The long-haired guy working on the door comes back up from his truck. After a brief discussion on how serious the engine maintenence is, they ask me if it's going to be a problem. I said no, you just walked past him when he was working on the door lock 2 minutes ago.

 

[pb1900]

I was standing in front of the 4 points sheraton in Birmingham with my crew when a guy pulled up in a mercedes, got out and handed me the keys asking if I could park it for him...

 

[orangeskysurfer]

On my off days, im a substitute teacher for my local high school. One day the kids had some idle time and decided to start asking me random questions. After some prying, they found out that I flew for the airlines. You look young, were you in the air force? How long did it take? a barage of questions from all of them at once. Then one kid asks "isnt it hard to fly those planes?" and before I can respond to the question, one kid says... The terrorists were pilots, anyone can fly an airplane.. I did all i could to not lash out at this point and tried to erase the comment from my memory.