Stupid questions asked at airshows

[MalteseX]

Not sure if this fits the "dumb" airshow question, or a smart one...

Was at an airshow at RAF Mildenhall (UK) with the KC-10. Two kids about 9 or 10 came up ...
One asked if this was the newest KC-10.... before I could respond with a shrug of the shoulders, the other kid said to his friend, "You're not paying attention. You know that was the next to the last KC-10 to be built!" He then proceeded to ask me, "Since this KC-10 was assembled in the Long Beach Douglas plant during a big labor dispute, do you find more problems with this particular plane than with the others?"

I said, "Uh, no.... it doesn't have more problems"... then he said , "Why has it been down for maintenance for the last week?" "And why hasn't it been on trips outside the States as much as the other KC-10s the same age has?"

We had been down for about a week. THAT was kinda scary....

 

[bssthound]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

 

[SIG600]

here's a stupid question, how does the predator guy get to the airshow?

does one remote fly the thing in, then head over to the airport and buy an airline ticket? thats gotta suck.

Hahahahahahaha.... ouch.

 

[erj-145mech]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

A friend had taken his KC-135 from Plattsburgh to an airshow and a group of Cub Scouters were in the cockpit, and one of them asks the aircraft commander about the cutout in the seat cushion. Before the pilot could answer, another Scout tells him, "Stupid, thats where the pilots ba!!s go!". The aircraft commander had a smile on his face the rest of the day.

 

[71KILO]

I was at the NAS Brunswick show about 10 years ago. We forgot to ask maintenance to disconect the batteries. Some kid sitting in the left seat hit the EWO switch and lit off both APUs which pressurized the pneumatic system. Scared the living crap out of our boom operator in the back of the tanker telling some hot chick about the "boom cannon" and yellow oxygen bottle "depth charges" we carry and that he fires. Needless to say he didn't get anywhere and we laughed our a$$es off at the club later. Ah tanker humor, gotta love it.

 

[71KILO]

I forgot... at the same show when the Blue Angels left Sunday night we all drank beer on the front ramp of a Westover C-5. The Westover wingking's wife decided to moon the Blues as they taxied by. #1-5 were Navy and #6 was a Marine. Guess which one looked at her and waved his fists in the air laughing and pointing with thumbs up?

Gotta love the Marines. She was fat and drunk if I remember correctly...

 

[Gorilla]

What's a zipperhead?

There was a story I heard about some little japanese press types crawling all over a Viper at a Kadena airshow once while the pilot wasn't paying much attention. Snapped some pics of the cockpit...there's a little switch in there that caused much consternation in many japanese people once the pics were published. People on both sides were plenty pissed about that one.

345 lbs, huh? How short are your arms?

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

 

[Deuce130]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

Naw, I'm pretty sure it was just the Master Arm switch but they translated it as "Super Awesome of Mighty Gorilla Monster Ballsack Smasher" switch. Those crazy asians....

 

[bertengineer]

Out of Dutchess CO airshow in NY about 10 years ago.....

Did you fly that plane in here?

refering to the KC-130 out of Stewart ANGB!

 

[dtfl]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

The Dutch Viper I saw had a MAster Arm and a Nuke Arm switch....maybe that was it....I made the mistake of asking a Canadian Army Artillery girl about Nuke rounds..the look on her face was priceless.

 

[bearcat]

Standard A-10 questions/comments

Is that the gun? (pointing to the 7 30 mm carrles at the front of the airplane!)

This plane saved my ass in Nam

Why is it so Ugly? Response - I don't think it is ugly

DO they still fly these?

How many pilots?

They get more interesting as the beer is consumed. Fun actually.

 

[freddriver20]

Standing on a C-5 at numerous airshows, this beaut gets asked EVERY time:

"Can you land this plane on an aircraft carrier??"

Second place: "How many of them big tanks can you load in here??"

"You mean the M-1A1?" (129,000 lbs)

"Yeah, that one."

"Normally one, two in a contingency operation."

"Aw, man, is that all??"

Hagar, you forgot the other C-5 questions! "Can i go up to the cockpit?" "No, we don't let anyone up the ladder for liability reasons". "Then why does she get to go up?" - points to hot girl going up ladder with crewmember close behind - "ohh......well she's his.....sister!"

 

[SIG600]

"ohh......well she's his.....sister!"

Shack!!!

 

[A-10_JetMech]

On an A-10 at an open house at Elmendorf AFB a guy asked what the two big
pods were on the back of the aircraft. The 1st Lt. looked at him dumbfounded
an just said " Those are the engines!" He should have told him they were travel pods for the extra pilots. The guy would have probably believed him.

 

[BSlapped]

At PAtrick Air Force Base show in the early 90's, we were checking out an A-4 when a man and his son walk up to the plane. The dad tried to sound as knowledgable as possible when he announced to his son that this was a Harrier jump jet and it can take off and land vertically and that's how they got it in that exact spot. He then turned to the pilot who was standing there and told the pilot to explain to his son how the Harrier takes off and lands vertically.

He just said, "It's not a Harrier, man, It's a Skyhawk!"

The dad did not relent and said, "Well can you explain how it takes off vertically?"

The pilot replied, "This plane doesn't take off vertically!"

Dad says, "How do you know?"

To which the pilot responds, "I've been flying these for years and, trust me, the engine only points backwards!"

The man left when he saw several people in the crowd laughing at this exhange.