Stupid questions asked at airshows

[MalteseX]

Not sure if this fits the "dumb" airshow question, or a smart one...

Was at an airshow at RAF Mildenhall (UK) with the KC-10. Two kids about 9 or 10 came up ...
One asked if this was the newest KC-10.... before I could respond with a shrug of the shoulders, the other kid said to his friend, "You're not paying attention. You know that was the next to the last KC-10 to be built!" He then proceeded to ask me, "Since this KC-10 was assembled in the Long Beach Douglas plant during a big labor dispute, do you find more problems with this particular plane than with the others?"

I said, "Uh, no.... it doesn't have more problems"... then he said , "Why has it been down for maintenance for the last week?" "And why hasn't it been on trips outside the States as much as the other KC-10s the same age has?"

We had been down for about a week. THAT was kinda scary....

 

[bssthound]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

 

[SIG600]

here's a stupid question, how does the predator guy get to the airshow?

does one remote fly the thing in, then head over to the airport and buy an airline ticket? thats gotta suck.

Hahahahahahaha.... ouch.

 

[erj-145mech]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

A friend had taken his KC-135 from Plattsburgh to an airshow and a group of Cub Scouters were in the cockpit, and one of them asks the aircraft commander about the cutout in the seat cushion. Before the pilot could answer, another Scout tells him, "Stupid, thats where the pilots ba!!s go!". The aircraft commander had a smile on his face the rest of the day.

 

[71KILO]

I was at the NAS Brunswick show about 10 years ago. We forgot to ask maintenance to disconect the batteries. Some kid sitting in the left seat hit the EWO switch and lit off both APUs which pressurized the pneumatic system. Scared the living crap out of our boom operator in the back of the tanker telling some hot chick about the "boom cannon" and yellow oxygen bottle "depth charges" we carry and that he fires. Needless to say he didn't get anywhere and we laughed our a$$es off at the club later. Ah tanker humor, gotta love it.

 

[71KILO]

I forgot... at the same show when the Blue Angels left Sunday night we all drank beer on the front ramp of a Westover C-5. The Westover wingking's wife decided to moon the Blues as they taxied by. #1-5 were Navy and #6 was a Marine. Guess which one looked at her and waved his fists in the air laughing and pointing with thumbs up?

Gotta love the Marines. She was fat and drunk if I remember correctly...

 

[Gorilla]

What's a zipperhead?

There was a story I heard about some little japanese press types crawling all over a Viper at a Kadena airshow once while the pilot wasn't paying much attention. Snapped some pics of the cockpit...there's a little switch in there that caused much consternation in many japanese people once the pics were published. People on both sides were plenty pissed about that one.

345 lbs, huh? How short are your arms?

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

 

[Deuce130]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

Naw, I'm pretty sure it was just the Master Arm switch but they translated it as "Super Awesome of Mighty Gorilla Monster Ballsack Smasher" switch. Those crazy asians....

 

[bertengineer]

Out of Dutchess CO airshow in NY about 10 years ago.....

Did you fly that plane in here?

refering to the KC-130 out of Stewart ANGB!

 

[dtfl]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

The Dutch Viper I saw had a MAster Arm and a Nuke Arm switch....maybe that was it....I made the mistake of asking a Canadian Army Artillery girl about Nuke rounds..the look on her face was priceless.

 

[bearcat]

Standard A-10 questions/comments

Is that the gun? (pointing to the 7 30 mm carrles at the front of the airplane!)

This plane saved my ass in Nam

Why is it so Ugly? Response - I don't think it is ugly

DO they still fly these?

How many pilots?

They get more interesting as the beer is consumed. Fun actually.

 

[freddriver20]

Standing on a C-5 at numerous airshows, this beaut gets asked EVERY time:

"Can you land this plane on an aircraft carrier??"

Second place: "How many of them big tanks can you load in here??"

"You mean the M-1A1?" (129,000 lbs)

"Yeah, that one."

"Normally one, two in a contingency operation."

"Aw, man, is that all??"

Hagar, you forgot the other C-5 questions! "Can i go up to the cockpit?" "No, we don't let anyone up the ladder for liability reasons". "Then why does she get to go up?" - points to hot girl going up ladder with crewmember close behind - "ohh......well she's his.....sister!"

 

[SIG600]

"ohh......well she's his.....sister!"

Shack!!!

 

[A-10_JetMech]

On an A-10 at an open house at Elmendorf AFB a guy asked what the two big
pods were on the back of the aircraft. The 1st Lt. looked at him dumbfounded
an just said " Those are the engines!" He should have told him they were travel pods for the extra pilots. The guy would have probably believed him.

 

[BSlapped]

At PAtrick Air Force Base show in the early 90's, we were checking out an A-4 when a man and his son walk up to the plane. The dad tried to sound as knowledgable as possible when he announced to his son that this was a Harrier jump jet and it can take off and land vertically and that's how they got it in that exact spot. He then turned to the pilot who was standing there and told the pilot to explain to his son how the Harrier takes off and lands vertically.

He just said, "It's not a Harrier, man, It's a Skyhawk!"

The dad did not relent and said, "Well can you explain how it takes off vertically?"

The pilot replied, "This plane doesn't take off vertically!"

Dad says, "How do you know?"

To which the pilot responds, "I've been flying these for years and, trust me, the engine only points backwards!"

The man left when he saw several people in the crowd laughing at this exhange.

 

[RJP]

... all of the little zipperheads had left...

That's nice. You realize that it's not 1942, right?

Oh, you might want to pick up some kneepads to help those sore knees. :beer:

 

[pilot141]

That's nice. You realize that it's not 1942, right?

Oh, you might want to pick up some kneepads to help those sore knees. :beer:

You realize he posted that on Sep 3rd, right?

You might want to pick up some ass-pads, because this thread has been sitting on it's ass for a while. Make sure the ass-pads are the "Extra-Righteous" version, though.

 

[RJP]

You realize he posted that on Sep 3rd, right?

You might want to pick up some ass-pads, because this thread has been sitting on it's ass for a while. Make sure the ass-pads are the "Extra-Righteous" version, though.

You realize not everyone reads the crap here every day?

Wanna tell me where you buy your special ass-pads? Besides, i wasn't talking to you anyway.

RJP stand for Righteous Japanese Protector.

 

[FN FAL]

You realize not everyone reads the crap here every day?

Wanna tell me where you buy your special ass-pads? Besides, i wasn't talking to you anyway.

He's talking about those tear off paper thingies like they have on the nose bridge of those eye test machines they have at DMV and the AME...he's a germaphobe so he wants you plant one those pads on your mat so he dasn't get his eyebrows mussed.

 

[caliman]

I was at the Interanational Air Tatoo in England in a C-5. They wanted to know the max weight of the C-5. I rounded up to 800,000 pounds and they looked at me the same way they might look at you if you ordered a Quarter Pounder. They wanted it in tons, so with my quick "pilot math" I came up with 4,000 tons. It was late on the first day that I realized that the look of shock and awe on their faces was due to the fact that I was telling them 8,000,000 pounds. It's only 1 zero, right?

 

[millhouse21]

I was doing the static display in the hangar deck of USS Independence in Kuala Lumpur (actually Port Kelang but close enough) when some woman came up and asked what this plane did. Having been through endless questions about the drop tanks (bombs) and the buddy store (bomb with a prop on it!) I thought I could handle anything. I told her that we looked for submarines and she got a really confused look on her face. Then suddenly the light came on and she said "Oh, you can fly underwater?" I was so shocked that I couldn't think of any better answer than "no." That was definitely the stupidest question I've ever been asked even if it wasn't technically at an airshow.

 

[Medivacer]

Oh, so you're in the army?

(If you don't get it look to the left)

 

[ExAF]

Wow

Oh, so you're in the army?

(If you don't get it look to the left)

One year, three months late and a dollar short me thinks.

 

[stupidpilot]

deleted

 

[stupidpilot]

I hate to be this guy, but here goes. How many people have ever had to do a pullup in a cockpit or on a flight deck? I remember a squadron CC I had in Kadena who was always making fun of me for having sore knees, sore shoulders, sore elbows, etc. I looked great, sure, but his point was that the entire DO shop of the squadron had trouble passing the test but they were all great pilots and great leaders. They drank their fair share of beers, had their fare share of smokes and Whoppers, but it didn't affect their ability to fly and lead. I admire all of those who stay in shape and look good in a flight suit, but I admire those who stuck around and can fly, lead, and instruct more. If a guy is a fat as*, fine. If he's a fat as* who can fly and lead, then leave him alone and let him do his job. The only thing worse than a fitness freak is a fitness freak who forces his attitude on others. We're not the Army. Get over it.

Before you attack me, I benched 345 lbs at 175 lbs when I was younger. I can't do that anymore, and I'm not 175 lbs, but I feel qualified to be an ADO (which I'm not, but would be had I stayed AD) in a flying squadron and not take shi* from anyone who thinks just b/c they run a mile and a half in under 8 minutes they're better prepared to represent the AF or a combat squadron.

AAawww Shaddap Fatty!

 

[resq swimmer]

I was a crewchief/rescue swimmer in the H-46, we were always asked if we could fly on one rotor.
Another was, "Which engine drives which rotor?"
Or,the best one, "Have you ever crashed?" (Hey, we were in a helo).
Our squadron drew SAR duty for the 1989 Airshow at NAS Norfolk, our name tags were: Peter Aiken, Richard Hertz, Richard Hed and Michael Hunt. We saw a few blushes, but most never noticed.
For those of you still in uniform, enjoy your time in the military, I have some great memories and met some great people.

 

[Ticker]

[/quote]
And then out of nowhere at the South Padre Island airshow I'm talking to the nicest old guy who asks all sorts of good questions. He asks if he can sit in the left seat, and as we climb inside he tells me that getting into airplanes has gotten easier since he flew. I ask him when he flew and he casually mentions that he was the AC on aircraft #4 on the Doolittle Raid on Tokyo.

Holy Crap! A genuine Air Force legend is sitting in my cockpit telling me how neat all this new-fangled stuff is.

I'll put up with a lifetime of dumb questions to get one experience like that.[/quote]


Awesome. Makes me think of this painting...