Stupid questions asked at airshows

[Deuce130]

Deuce I assume you were typing your reply while I posted mine.

Let the fat sh*t go.

Give us a good airshow story or shut up!

OK. There was this time when I was a LT Copilot at the Kadena airshow. I was paired up with my buddy, a 2LT Nav, and all of the little zipperheads had left and it was getting dark, there was no power on the airplane, and it took us about 2 hrs to figure out how to "secure' the airplane by closing the ramp and door using the hand pump. Best airshow story I have, sorry. You?

 

[Hagar17]

Standing on a C-5 at numerous airshows, this beaut gets asked EVERY time:

"Can you land this plane on an aircraft carrier??"

Second place: "How many of them big tanks can you load in here??"

"You mean the M-1A1?" (129,000 lbs)

"Yeah, that one."

"Normally one, two in a contingency operation."

"Aw, man, is that all??"

 

[71KILO]

Jeez, doesn't every airlift/tanker puke get in shape at Altus?

Maybe the AF should do away with local upgrades and send everyone to the big-time schoolhouse at Altus.

That base has seen more weight lost than any other base on the planet!


And isn't this thread supposed to be about questions asked at airshows?

How high can this thing fly?

How many planes have you shot down?

Standard plan at Altus (for the three times I was there anyway). Nothing to do but become a hunk or a drunk. I tried both. Scotch and Steak diet came out long before Atkins. Food wise if it isn't fried then it isn't food in that town.

 

[71KILO]

I hate to be this guy, but here goes. How many people have ever had to do a pullup in a cockpit or on a flight deck? I remember a squadron CC I had in Kadena who was always making fun of me for having sore knees, sore shoulders, sore elbows, etc. I looked great, sure, but his point was that the entire DO shop of the squadron had trouble passing the test but they were all great pilots and great leaders. They drank their fair share of beers, had their fare share of smokes and Whoppers, but it didn't affect their ability to fly and lead. I admire all of those who stay in shape and look good in a flight suit, but I admire those who stuck around and can fly, lead, and instruct more. If a guy is a fat as*, fine. If he's a fat as* who can fly and lead, then leave him alone and let him do his job. The only thing worse than a fitness freak is a fitness freak who forces his attitude on others. We're not the Army. Get over it.

Before you attack me, I benched 345 lbs at 175 lbs when I was younger. I can't do that anymore, and I'm not 175 lbs, but I feel qualified to be an ADO (which I'm not, but would be had I stayed AD) in a flying squadron and not take shi* from anyone who thinks just b/c they run a mile and a half in under 8 minutes they're better prepared to represent the AF or a combat squadron.

If the guy I'm talking about was a good leader and pilot then I would agree with you. He's an IP that is only allowed to fly with other IPs. After 8 years in the airplane he still has problems landing it. Absolutly no SA. Was passed on his last form 8 only out of "professional courtesy" quoted from our chief of Stan-Evil. I won't even go into this fatties style of leadership (or lack there of) but it compares to his piloting. Look,the guy is an overweight slob that can't fly, teach or lead. He's around only because of poor leadership in the heavy community (I mean the planes not the people).

 

[Gorilla]

The T-38 travel pod is always good for a laugh, especially when cross country. We'd pull into Jim's Air at Reno for a night of debauchery. Inevitably bystanders gather.

Bystander 1: "What's that external store on the centerline?"
Bystander 2: "Bill you dumb a$$, that's external fuel. They always use it for x-country!"

That's the EXACT moment to open the travel pod and pull your overnight bag out!

 

[pilot141]

OK. There was this time when I was a LT Copilot at the Kadena airshow. I was paired up with my buddy, a 2LT Nav, and all of the little zipperheads had left and it was getting dark, there was no power on the airplane, and it took us about 2 hrs to figure out how to "secure' the airplane by closing the ramp and door using the hand pump. Best airshow story I have, sorry. You?

I already gave my best airshow story earlier in the thread.

 

[stonewall]

OK. There was this time when I was a LT Copilot at the Kadena airshow. I was paired up with my buddy, a 2LT Nav, and all of the little zipperheads had left and it was getting dark, there was no power on the airplane, and it took us about 2 hrs to figure out how to "secure' the airplane by closing the ramp and door using the hand pump. Best airshow story I have, sorry. You?

What's a zipperhead?

There was a story I heard about some little japanese press types crawling all over a Viper at a Kadena airshow once while the pilot wasn't paying much attention. Snapped some pics of the cockpit...there's a little switch in there that caused much consternation in many japanese people once the pics were published. People on both sides were plenty pissed about that one.

345 lbs, huh? How short are your arms?

 

[Jetdriver69]

My favorite was having my girlfriend show up at an airshow in a flightsuit with black cowboy boots no less. We made ourselves captains and put majors rank on her. She was the AC all weekend, answering questions and pretty much being in charge. It was hilarious! The best part was nailing her in the crew rest area while the TBirds were flying. Go Air Force!

 

[LearLove]

Shack!! God forbid you have to actually go to an airshow with a predator, at least go hang out with the chicks on the airshow staff...

here's a stupid question, how does the predator guy get to the airshow?

does one remote fly the thing in, then head over to the airport and buy an airline ticket? thats gotta suck.

 

[navyflyer]

Standing next to a P-3C, was asked, "Do you guys still fly these?"

No, we truck them in....

 

[MalteseX]

Not sure if this fits the "dumb" airshow question, or a smart one...

Was at an airshow at RAF Mildenhall (UK) with the KC-10. Two kids about 9 or 10 came up ...
One asked if this was the newest KC-10.... before I could respond with a shrug of the shoulders, the other kid said to his friend, "You're not paying attention. You know that was the next to the last KC-10 to be built!" He then proceeded to ask me, "Since this KC-10 was assembled in the Long Beach Douglas plant during a big labor dispute, do you find more problems with this particular plane than with the others?"

I said, "Uh, no.... it doesn't have more problems"... then he said , "Why has it been down for maintenance for the last week?" "And why hasn't it been on trips outside the States as much as the other KC-10s the same age has?"

We had been down for about a week. THAT was kinda scary....

 

[bssthound]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

 

[SIG600]

here's a stupid question, how does the predator guy get to the airshow?

does one remote fly the thing in, then head over to the airport and buy an airline ticket? thats gotta suck.

Hahahahahahaha.... ouch.

 

[erj-145mech]

A fraternity brother of mine who was flying for another Guard unit brought his son's Cub Scout pack on board our KC-135 static at his base's air show. The kids were, of course, jumping all over each other and generally raising he11. One was rapidly pushing a button on the yoke and I told him "be careful, that's the machine gun and it already shot and killed one little boy this morning." I've never seen kids turn so somber so quickly. My bud about exploded trying to hold in his laughter. I finally 'fessed up and the kids got back to their he11raising. Hey, it's not cruel if it's funny!

A friend had taken his KC-135 from Plattsburgh to an airshow and a group of Cub Scouters were in the cockpit, and one of them asks the aircraft commander about the cutout in the seat cushion. Before the pilot could answer, another Scout tells him, "Stupid, thats where the pilots ba!!s go!". The aircraft commander had a smile on his face the rest of the day.

 

[71KILO]

I was at the NAS Brunswick show about 10 years ago. We forgot to ask maintenance to disconect the batteries. Some kid sitting in the left seat hit the EWO switch and lit off both APUs which pressurized the pneumatic system. Scared the living crap out of our boom operator in the back of the tanker telling some hot chick about the "boom cannon" and yellow oxygen bottle "depth charges" we carry and that he fires. Needless to say he didn't get anywhere and we laughed our a$$es off at the club later. Ah tanker humor, gotta love it.

 

[71KILO]

I forgot... at the same show when the Blue Angels left Sunday night we all drank beer on the front ramp of a Westover C-5. The Westover wingking's wife decided to moon the Blues as they taxied by. #1-5 were Navy and #6 was a Marine. Guess which one looked at her and waved his fists in the air laughing and pointing with thumbs up?

Gotta love the Marines. She was fat and drunk if I remember correctly...

 

[Gorilla]

What's a zipperhead?

There was a story I heard about some little japanese press types crawling all over a Viper at a Kadena airshow once while the pilot wasn't paying much attention. Snapped some pics of the cockpit...there's a little switch in there that caused much consternation in many japanese people once the pics were published. People on both sides were plenty pissed about that one.

345 lbs, huh? How short are your arms?

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

 

[Deuce130]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

Naw, I'm pretty sure it was just the Master Arm switch but they translated it as "Super Awesome of Mighty Gorilla Monster Ballsack Smasher" switch. Those crazy asians....

 

[bertengineer]

Out of Dutchess CO airshow in NY about 10 years ago.....

Did you fly that plane in here?

refering to the KC-130 out of Stewart ANGB!

 

[dtfl]

Magnum, I'll bite, what pic/switch are you talking about? Something that didn't translate well? Something like a nuke "Hiroshima switch"?

The Dutch Viper I saw had a MAster Arm and a Nuke Arm switch....maybe that was it....I made the mistake of asking a Canadian Army Artillery girl about Nuke rounds..the look on her face was priceless.