Stupid questions asked at airshows

[firstthird]

I was with my mighty P-3 Orion at an airshow in Oklahoma in the mid-nineties and during that one airshow I got asked:

Which war did this one fight in? (umm, not WW2 it isn't a B24, although they did fly P-3s in Vietnam but I didn't know that at the time)

How did you get this plane here, tow it? (no, we flew it, really)

Can't the Navy afford paint? (umm, that's our tactical paint scheme, with the 'spot corrosion' look)

The best part was the day we left and a C-5, the left wing of which we were parked more or less under and 100 feet back or so, went to some seriously high power to get out of the ruts and practically cooked us in the cockpit, not to mention we were probably close to rotate with the relative wind. Tents and trash cans flying everywhere.

 

[milplt]

Standing static display with a KC-10, had someone ask if the two nosewheel steering struts pointing forward from the nosegear were guns.

Atlantic crossing in a KC-10 westbound, my engineer had out his 8.5x11.5 wal-mart geography map on his desk when a very cute blonde came up (sts) into the cockpit to check things out. Her first comment was to express surprise that we use maps to fly. As we were over Iceland at the time (and it was covered with snow) and Iceland was white on the map, we told her that is how we knew where we were. We were now busy looking out the windows for that pink landmass (the color of Canada on the map) so we would know when we were over Canada. When she started to express doubt in our theory because she had been to Canada and it wasn't all pink, we came up with the idea that it was actually the Canadian trees that made it pink - they look green from the ground - but something about the top of them reflect the sunlight pink. She bought it. That exchange in itself was funny. Even funnier was how the engineer was trying to pick her up with a very technical discussion about the electric and hydraulic panel and how he was solely responsible for the heart of the machine. In the end, it was the boom operator who got her - he took her to the AR compartment to show her the view from the picture window in the back of the jet - and showed back up in the front of the jet about a half-hour or so later a pretty happy dude. We considered ringing the claxon after 15 minutes, but we didn't.

 

[4fanman]

Actually, it can be rather amusing to go to airshows and ask really stupid questions. Talk about cheap entertainment. I need to work on keeping a straight face, though.:laugh:

 

[fishalaska]

at an airshow in Winnipeg a beautiful woman with big tits asked if I would like to me her later at a bar. I managed to say yes.

Best seen to date.

 

[CatfishVT9]

Standing in front of my E-2C Hawkeye, the guy looks up at the radar dome and asks "Is that a helicopter in-flight refueling pad?"

Oh, and that question has been asked many times since.......

 

[AlbieF15]

So...you gonna let me see if those t1ts are real? Looking for a husband? I'M A HUSBAND....

Oh geez...you mean questions the public asks US...:blush: ..oh...never mind.

 

[erj-145mech]

yes, I can fire up the back engine and parallel park this puppy?

<----------

 

[SIG600]

Standing in front of my E-2C Hawkeye, the guy looks up at the radar dome and asks "Is that a helicopter in-flight refueling pad?"

Oh, and that question has been asked many times since.......

No kidding, I had someone tell me once they were standing duty (years back) and got a phone call. Some woman reporting a UFO stealing an airplane from the Navy base.

 

[Talon83]

I used to get these a lot when I was flying the T-38 from Holloman (F-117 support). The black paint job used to throw everyone off.

What kind of jet is that?
It's a T-38.
Does the Air Force still fly those?
Uh, yeah, we still have a few hundred of them.
I thought maybe it was your private jet.
I wish...

Also, there was always some guy, always too smart for his own good, who would walk up, point to my airplane, and declare, with much importance,
"That's an F-5!"
Me: "Well, no, it's actually a T-38."
Him: "Are you sure, it looks just like an F-5?"
Me: "I flew it in here yesterday, but I guess you know better than I do"

Cheers

 

[Thedude]

In the end, it was the boom operator who got her -

I guess its true then....boomers have big hoses

 

[Huggyu2]

I used to get these a lot when I was flying the T-38 from Holloman (F-117 support). The black paint job used to throw everyone off.

Also, there was always some guy, always too smart for his own good, who would walk up, point to my airplane, and declare, with much importance,
"That's an F-5!"
Me: "Well, no, it's actually a T-38."
Him: "Are you sure, it looks just like an F-5?"
Me: "I flew it in here yesterday, but I guess you know better than I do"
Cheers

That's a fact! Last year, at Oshkosh, I gave up arguing with a guy that "corrected" me when I told him it was a T-38. He had two large cameras hanging on a strap and resting on his large belly-protrusion, and seemed intent on edu-ma-cating me on my ingorance (ok, I give up,... it's an F-5...)

Also "why is it painted black?" "Why are those 'Iron Crosses' painted on the tail? (actually, they're Maltese Crosses, and represent.... nevermind).
It is funny, though, when you tell folks that there are ~500 T-38s flying in the US. 99.9% are really intrigued and nice folks. There's nothing like airshows for a great chance to meet the public,... and for great entertainment!
And when it comes to airshows, nothing beats Oshkosh.

 

[Gorilla]

Standing in front of my E-2C Hawkeye, the guy looks up at the radar dome and asks "Is that a helicopter in-flight refueling pad?"

Oh, and that question has been asked many times since.......

THAT is funny, and scary too.

Alternate answers:

"The nuclear reactor is isolated there to keep us safe."
"It's a UFO decoy. It brings 'em right to us so we can photograph them."

Along the same lines... "It's an alien vehicle. Our enginers welded it in place so we could tap the power. It'll stay airborne forever because it uses interdimensional fuel."

"Death ray housing" "Crew sleeping quarters" etc.

 

[bssthound]

Eagle Driver bro had a fellow who probably hadn't seen the inside of a classroom since his third attempt at 8th grade come up to him and state:

"I know how y'all fly close together. They's a rod that shoots out of the middle airplane and connects to the other airplanes and holds 'em close!"

The Eagle Driver said "WHO TOLD YOU THAT? THAT'S HIGHLY SENSITIVE CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!! WHEN THE FBI FINDS OUT YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE IN PRISON FOR LIFE!!"

The guy got out of there as fast as he could. My God, I'd have given anything to see him waiting for the FBI to come drag him out of bed and ship him off to prison!!

 

[dtfl]

Eagle Driver bro had a fellow who probably hadn't seen the inside of a classroom since his third attempt at 8th grade come up to him and state:

"I know how y'all fly close together. They's a rod that shoots out of the middle airplane and connects to the other airplanes and holds 'em close!"

The Eagle Driver said "WHO TOLD YOU THAT? THAT'S HIGHLY SENSITIVE CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!! WHEN THE FBI FINDS OUT YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE IN PRISON FOR LIFE!!"

The guy got out of there as fast as he could. My God, I'd have given anything to see him waiting for the FBI to come drag him out of bed and ship him off to prison!!

The only question you get asked at Airshows is "Where's Nicole?" ha ha

 

[Dr. Rumack]

Since my P-3 story was taken I will add only my T-34 story. At a San Antonio show in 96, in addition to all the aforementioned stupid questions, I got this gem. "This is the plane they used in Top Gun with the front/back seats, isn't it?"

 

[bssthound]

dtfl claims:
The only question you get asked at Airshows is "Where's Nicole?" ha ha

Yep; but, so far, nobody's come up to our acft and said "you're from Keesler, are you the Flying Jennies??"

Seriously, here's a normal exchange:

"It must be rough flyin' in them tornadoes."

"No sir, we fly in hurricanes, not tornadoes."

"Wow, I'm s'prised them tornadoes don't tear up yer airplane."

"A tornado would tear up the airplane if we flew into one, but we don't,
we fly into hurricanes."

"Well, if a tornado can tear up your airplane why do you fly into 'em?"

"Here, talk to the nosewheel, I'm supposed to be at a briefing over there (pointing at the beer tent)."

The conversation is usually a bit longer than that and it takes EVERY ***king bit of my patience to hold my tongue and not be a blooming wisearse.

 

[DLax85]

Hickam Airshow 2003

Was helping distribute water to all the crewdogs at the Hickam Airshow/Open House in 2003 and approached a young, single, Hawaii ANG 1Lt hanging out in front of his F-15.

After giving him some water, I asked him how many phone #s he was getting from all the babes.

He said "None".

I said "None?...dude, your a single, 1Lt, F-15 driver at an airshow in Hawaii and your not getting any phone #s??...I don't think it gets any better then this...it must be you"

Of course I was just joking around with the guy, but I may have actually bummed the guy out --- that's typically pretty hard to do to a fighter pilot.

Aloha

 

[pilot141]

Since I was a heavy guy all I got at airshows was disappointment.

Standing in/around/near my mighty C-141:

"Hey, how fast does this thing go?"

"Well, we cruise at Mach .74, which is about....."

"Is that supersonic?"

"No sir, that's about three-quarters of the speed of sound, but we...."

"OK, see ya, where's that pointy-nosed-jet guy?"

"He's right over there. sir. He has his cannons and bombs on display and would love to tell you how much better his jet is than a MiG-29."
:beer:

When I went to the T-1 I got different questions from the all-knowing public.

"How many Generals can you fit in this thing?"

"Sir, we don't fly Generals around. We use this jet for student training."

"You can't tell me that! I was in the Air Force/Navy/Army in (insert decade here) and I saw General Hoosiewatz fly away from Fort Closed in 1975 in one of these things! You got leather seats in there?"

"Actually sir, there are no passenger seats. Take a look for yourself"

"Bah! You just took them out for this!"

OK.....


And then out of nowhere at the South Padre Island airshow I'm talking to the nicest old guy who asks all sorts of good questions. He asks if he can sit in the left seat, and as we climb inside he tells me that getting into airplanes has gotten easier since he flew. I ask him when he flew and he casually mentions that he was the AC on aircraft #4 on the Doolittle Raid on Tokyo.

Holy Crap! A genuine Air Force legend is sitting in my cockpit telling me how neat all this new-fangled stuff is.

I'll put up with a lifetime of dumb questions to get one experience like that.

 

[LearLove]

I used to get these a lot when I was flying the T-38 from Holloman (F-117 support). The black paint job used to throw everyone off.

What kind of jet is that?
It's a T-38.
Does the Air Force still fly those?
Uh, yeah, we still have a few hundred of them.
I thought maybe it was your private jet.
I wish...

Also, there was always some guy, always too smart for his own good, who would walk up, point to my airplane, and declare, with much importance,
"That's an F-5!"
Me: "Well, no, it's actually a T-38."
Him: "Are you sure, it looks just like an F-5?"
Me: "I flew it in here yesterday, but I guess you know better than I do"

Cheers

Your both wrong - don't you know if its a black T-38 or 2 seat F-5 its a
MIG-28.

 

[CobraKai]

What are those yellow things? (pointing to the O2 bottles)
-depth charges, we hunt submarines in our spare time

Pointing to the boom, that sure is a big gun, but why does it point backwards?

Looking out the cargo door up front. Son that is where they push out the paratroopers.

Why do you guys need to refuel other aircraft? Can't you just use trucks like they do at Eastbumf$#@ regional?

Worst ones however?
At a deplyed location support type Airman comes up to us while drinking and asks, "Why are you guys here so long, when all you are doing is brining in gas for the trucks and generators?"

from the gym staff, when we told them that we had nobody available for the second day of base olympics at same deployed location. (we happened to ge a light day from CAOC for a training day the first day of the olympics, because the carrier was not flying, so we could also participate)
"What do you mean you guys don't get Saturdays off?"
Oh yeh the insurgents take the weekend off from war