any comebacks for the 'small plane' comment?

[jetexas]

The Captain I was flying with was 'short' on the small plane subject...
Boarding Pax: "Wow, this thing sure is small"
Captain (turns around in his seat and yells): "It's bigger than your Chevy Metro,.. you smarta$$"!!!

Another one:
Pax: "Wow, it's small"
Flight Attendant: "That's kinda personal, but haven't you heard size doesn't matter? It's what you do with it that counts"

 

[Exskydiverdrivr]

Quoted-The best is when the fine residents of Beaumont and Alexandria start bitching about the size of the aircraft. You A$$holes are lucky its a jet.

No kiddin! Ya should have seen em when we took BPT for ya in the EMB-120 for awhile. Enraged! Got asked by one passenger why they lost their jet service? To give other pilots a perspective here- these oil rich "Tycoons" in Beaumont are alot like the MRY, SUN, and Vail crowds. Too good to travel this way.

In perspective- If their rich uncle showed up to get em in his Lear 24, the only thing they would think is small is their own pocketbook.

 

[-9Capt]

The Airtran guy's love it when you tell ground: Roger we'll follow the DC-9.

Doesn't bother me, the ole -9 was a mans airplane.

 

[onlybiff]

I usually tell them: "at least its a short walk to the bathroom".....then under my breath...."because you no doubt have the runs from this mexican sh!thole we're whisking you away from"

 

[I.P. Freley]

Ya I got demoted to this thing after "the incident"

Okay THIS one I like! Good one...

The only one I used to use that I haven't seen yet is:

Stare incredulously at the airplane and exclaim "They MAKE airplanes bigger than this?"

 

[hbrow15]

The best is when the fine residents of Beaumont and Alexandria start bitching about the size of the aircraft. You A$$holes are lucky its a jet.

The good people of Beaumont wont have the jungle jet to complain about anymore, if I'm not mistaken I believe they gave BPT to Colgan and the Saabs.

 

[79%N1]

"Sorry Sir, If we knew you were coming today we'd have ordered you the big plane"

 

["TheBigPicture"]

You could always respond with " you're right, which means there'll be less fuel for the post-crash fire." That should shut em up.

 

[Flying Illini]

I like the cubicle ones...

"Hey, I don't come to your place of employment and comment on how small your office is!"

 

[Captain Overs]

It's bigger than your trailer!

 

[rke44]

The best of the best is this:

You wouldn't say that if it crashed into your house.

The only thing you risk is their ignorance guiding them to tell some authorities that you are a risk to air safety. Choose as you will. The fact is that no matter what you say they all still think that you are learning to fly this "puddle jumper" until you are capable to fly jets. It sucks, but what are you going to do?

 

[OldManPilot]

"It's an inflatable Airplane... as ticket prices go down, so does the size of the aircraft, ma'am."

 

[vtchaz]

not necessarily cheaper

You get what you pay for.

Many of the colgan flights are all business routes and the folks sitting in the back are paying FAR more than the typical $100 leisure internet fare...to ride on "these small planes". Most of them know what they're buying though cause they fly the route all the time and are happy to pay that money on those planes for the convenience of getting to the meeting and home same day.

 

[loisgriffin]

Seriously this thread is the best. There is nothing more annoying then the smart a$$ from bum-f*$k no where Iowa who gets on the plane and tells you how small it is... Or the princess from another small town in North Dakota who repeats it... I'll have to try some of these, I was getting sick of the, "Yup, it is," and giving them the "I want to kill you" stare.

 

[JediNein]

I lived in a single-wide that was bigger than a 1900. It had two toliets, a jacuzzi, and was earthquake-proof.

This is small!:
So is a ferrarii.
It's part of the government's program to force people to lose weight.
Yeah, but every seat is first class.
Makes it easier for you to stick your arm outside and flap (puzzled look), didn't Orbitz tell you about that?
Good thing you chose to fly on us, at our competition (point to Cessna 172 departing), you'd have to fly yourself there.
We have to keep it small, the anti-noise groups around this airport don't want anything bigger and noisier.
Next time you book online, check the box for the bigger airplane. You didn't see the box? It's a majority vote, insist on getting to check the box.
It's so we can carry less luggage.
I'd tell you to take the bus, except, frankly, the bus doesn't go there anymore.
I'd tell you to take the train, except, frankly, the train doesn't come here anymore.
The airline wants you to have a total flying experience. Those that paid for the premium package will sit on the wing for takeoff and will actually fly later in the trip. You can tell when they are flying 'cause it'll get really bumpy and we'll turn on the seatbelt sign.
Yeah, it's the biggest thing the first officer could afford. We're taking donations so he can bring a jet next time.

Fly SAFE!
Jedi Nein

 

[TIS]

Heard somewhere over Chicago in the late 80s:

C-5 guy: "How much does that little old DC-10 gross out at?

DC-10 guy: "About 150K a year. Why?"

 

[TIS]

United 1234: "How's the ride at FL350?"

ATC: "No reports at that altitude sir. Would you liek to be the first to try it out?"

United 1234: "It's smooth here, we'll stay here."

Citation X guy: "Ride's good at 470."

United 1234: "Yeah? How's the pay at 470?"

Citation X guy: "Haven't had a pay cut in over 10 years! You?"


................silence..................

 

[LAXSaabdude]

These are awesome!

In all seriousness, though. Has anyone ever had any work repercussions from using any of these comments? Gotten called into the CPs office?

LAXSaabdude.

 

[sleddriver77]

COLD night in CVG:
(Dude) "this airplane sure is small."
(Female FA.) "Yeah, well, it's really cold out tonight. It shrank a little. You know how it is."

One other time:

(Lady approaching jet from outside) "I really hate these little prop jobs".

(Me) "Ummm....Ya' see the two big cans hanging off the sides by the tail??
Yeah. Looks like they forgot to install the props."

 

[JediNein]

These are awesome!

In all seriousness, though. Has anyone ever had any work repercussions from using any of these comments? Gotten called into the CPs office?

LAXSaabdude.

Well, not as a pilot. . .

As a ticket agent, the luggage comment got me a conversation with the station manager. He was having a hard time keeping a straight face and nothing ever went on my record. I did charge the pax for two overweight bags (at 90 pounds each!) and that guy paid without any argument.

The "little" airplane the guy was referring to was a Saab.

Fly SAFE!
Jedi Nein

 

[fulcrum]

tell them you have the dinosaurs in sight

tell them you have the dinosaurs in sight

 

[ex j-41]

All together now...

Won't seem so small when I shove it up your_ _ _.

Small plane for a small town....

How big is you're plane? sir.

You think this is small... You should see my paycheck!

It doesn't matter how big it is, as long as it has enough thrust...

Pay more for your ticket next time!

Avis Rent-A-Car is downstairs and would be happy to help you out.

Is it bigger than your car?

You ever heard of a little boat hitting an iceberg?"

Well, it's the biggest thing going to Buffalo that doesn't involve you sitting in Newark for four hours. Which would you prefer?

It grows in the air

Its so small we just pretend to fly it

Its a small plane with a great big heart

From the looks of your wife, I really can't argue with ya.

Really? I've never flown an airplane this big before!"

But at least it is very loud

It may be small but at least it is slow

I know, it's not as big as the Greyhound bus your used to riding on, but heck the Ticket cost half as much and we'll get you there 10 times faster

There are two things you never tell a man is small. One of them is his airplane.

They are standing too far away.

But I wear big shoes and big gloves

How about buckle up I've had a few.

It's got props, real airplanes have them.

Just picture it sitting in your driveway.

You're right--guess I'll have to leave you behind

We're not qualified to fly anything larger.

It's not the size of the airplane that matters, It's how many times you go in and out of the airport.

Bigger than your cubicle.

Well, thats to acomodate for your reduced brain size.

Ya I got demoted to this thing after "the incident".

So's your sperm count.

So are your wife's hoo hoo's.

Bend over and I'll show you where we put the wind up key.

Won't seem so small when I shove it up your a$$.

That's exactly what I thought when I saw it the first time.... an hour ago.

Please don't rock the boat. It might sink..

It's bigger than your mobile home!

"It's us, or the bus".

At least its a short walk to the bathroom.

They MAKE airplanes bigger than this?"

Sorry Sir, If we knew you were coming today we'd have ordered you the big plane".

"You're right, which means there'll be less fuel for the post-crash fire".

"Hey, I don't come to your place of employment and comment on how small your office is!"All in one neat package....

 

[Filkster]

are there any good comebacks for (giggle) "this is a small plane!" comment.
I'm past the point of caring but it would be fun to be a smarta$$

How about "Yeah it is a small uncomfortable pos regional jet"?

 

[amaineiac]

We were going from RDU to JFK one afternoon in a emb-135. Some lady comments how small the plane is. I pointed to the 777 two gates down and told her that one's going to JFK too. Just as she got this look in her eye like, cool, maybe I can get on the big plane, I explained that it connected through Gatwick and it would arrive in JFK sometime tomorrow night. Crushed, she turned around and took her seat.

 

[embraerfa]

I actually enjoy it when Pax come on a say this plane is small. Keeps me on my toes with come backs.
Here are a few I've used/wished I could use.

Pax: OMG this its so small!

Reply:

"You get what you pay for"
"Just dont look down when you flush the toilet"
"Thats what Payne Stewart said!"
"Sorry to bother you. but do you have a credit card to help pay for gas?"
"The plane or your brain?"

saying "thats not avery nice thing to say" while glancing down at my crotch
"It might be small but it hits all the right places"

"We might not have PTV's in every seat but at least the captains flying skills will keep you entertained"
"Dont worry, as long as you dont make any sudden movements you wont upset the plane"
"Pretend to have a real job and this is your own private jet"
"We might not get you high but at least youll get a buzz"
"We can rebook you on the 250am 767 flight through ATL if you like...."
"No soup for you!"

DRW

 

[Stifler's Mom]

are there any good comebacks for (giggle) "this is a small plane!" comment.
I'm past the point of caring but it would be fun to be a smarta$$

Yeah, but you should see my paycheck. Ah never mind.

 

[UsAirship]

Do I jump on the bed when your Mom's trying to work.

 

[acaTerry]

I just burst out in tears and cry. Makes me feel better.

 

[Crossky]

All good responses, but the best one IMO is:

"It may be small, but it's the biggest airplane I've flown, so please sit down and buckle your seat belt"

You see, if you reinforce their fears, they get what they deserve for not trusting in your superior pilot skills . . .

This is why majors prefer pilots who have the 'look' and the 'voice' of confidence, command, and safety, in order to put pax at ease; even if they're A-holes or ego freaks. Anyone know how to teach me the 'look' and the 'voice'? ;0

 

[CapnVegetto]

Passenger: Wow, this is a small plane.
Me: Wow, that is a small d-ck.

Passenger: This plane is so small!!
Me: Soon as you figure out how to put 50 people on a 747 and make money, they'll get bigger.

Passenger: This plane is small!
Me: Shut the f-ck up and sit the f-ck down. And while you're at it, I'll go get you a spoon so you can eat my a$$.