Who is the biggest loser you have flown with?

[Way2Broke]

I did have a student who brought a night vision scope on night flights because it made him feel better about finding a suitable field for an emergency landing.

I actually had a student do the same thing. I just kept my mouth shut. I was to intrigued by the device to realize at the time how crazy that sounded.

 

[dseagrav]

too intrigued by the device...

"Oooh, shiny!"

 

[federico]

BOB POIRSON TDX Manager of Crew Scheduling. CSY was right. When this guys is awake he is lying. Ex car salesman

 

[Way2Broke]

"Oooh, shiny!"

Bling, bling!

 

[DelphinDriver]

DOH....I'm a dork

"I would say 40 percent of all pilots are total dorks wearing there stupid e6b watches hanging there cell phones and pagers and blackberrys and flashlights on there belts. Just love talking about flying and how they want to buy an airplane and how they play flight simulator at home. get a life. Anybody can be a pilot as long as you have enough money."

My watch has an azimuth on it, my cell is clipped to my shorts....I love talking flying and already have an airplane....good thing I fly frieght and don't wear a unform (or want to) or I would really be a lost cause. Think I'll go to the airport now and do some hangar flying with the rest of my loser buddies. I feel so ashamed...:bawling: I hate flying....I hate flying...I hate flying.....SH!T it's not working....Maybe if I buy a smaller watch.....

 

[Lear Wanna Be]

"I would say 40 percent of all pilots are total dorks wearing there stupid e6b watches hanging there cell phones and pagers and blackberrys and flashlights on there belts. Just love talking about flying and how they want to buy an airplane and how they play flight simulator at home. get a life. Anybody can be a pilot as long as you have enough money."

My watch has an azimuth on it, my cell is clipped to my shorts....I love talking flying and already have an airplane....good thing I fly frieght and don't wear a unform (or want to) or I would really be a lost cause. Think I'll go to the airport now and do some hangar flying with the rest of my loser buddies. I feel so ashamed...:bawling: I hate flying....I hate flying...I hate flying.....SH!T it's not working....Maybe if I buy a smaller watch.....

Doh, me too, but I don't wear a watch and my cell phone is always in my pocket. Not only do I have one airplane, but I have 3 and 2 are twins. Man I must be a bigger loser! Man I am feeling pretty bad about myself right now, think I might need to go to the airport too and talk about flying. Heck, I might even just go do some. Then maybe I will go to the bar and tell every chick that I see about it, but first I am going to stop by the Army surplus store and see if I can get a flight jacket complete with patches.

 

[Wanderlust]

I won't say which airline I fly for, but I'll just mention that I fly a 1900 and we have a somewhat controversial training program. We had this guy in training with the mental capacity and maturity of an orangatan (seriously, I think he may have been mildly retarded.) He had numerous problems in training, a poor attitude, and terrible hygiene. In training, he once moved his hand from the left prop lever to the right one (after he'd confimed the left one was the failed side) and feathered the good engine. People who'd known him in primary training said he'd failed every check ride to date at least once. He managed to pass the airline's rides, but failed the oral walkaround exam after he confidently told the check airman that the generator produced 3,000 volts and was located somewhere in the wing (belt drive, maybe?) The best moment, however, was when he flew home and attended a wedding in his uniform. He now flies for Pinnacle.

 

[acaTerry]

Well there's an hour of my life I'll never get back.
I fail to see why:
a) wearing uniform properly
b) centering heading bugs (I have had FMS units "krap" on me and revert to HDG mode several times)
c) liking aviation or
d) not being ashamed of your job
makes you a loser. He11, the spelling on these posts make you guys look like third-graders...talk about losers....

 

[federico]

What are his initials? I got a few good guesses on who that is....

I cant wait to hear who this one is.

 

[Wanderlust]

His initials are SM. His nickname was V2.

 

[acaTerry]

Shortly after my upgrade at ACA (1st time CA and in new equipment) I made a landing that ended like this....kah-frickety-dickety-BAM!
FO looks casually over at me and says "and you get paid more than me". He wasn't a loser but sure made me feel like one. Then he'd land with those landings where the wheels just started rolling, you know the ones where spoiler deployment is the only clue you landed. He'd whisper "aaaah the crowd applauds....70 kts...you're airplane..."
I hated that guy....really he was great but I felt like an idiot till I got my "sea legs" in that plane.
Damn I miss that guy.

 

[Princedietrich]

Interesting sound effect, I'm trying to picture what the airplane is doing to make those noises and it's cracking me up.

Now, this guy wasn't a loser per se, but he pulled off a stunt that I'm sure made him feel like a loser. It was April of 01 and we were getting our final checkrides in the 727, this guy was a new FO in the right seat and I was a new FE on the panel. There was a fed in the jumpseat to supervise the checkrides, and our mission was to do 3 touch n goes at CVG. There was another crew of trainees sitting in the back who had just finished their checks, so now it was our turn. Since there were no pax on board, the door to the flight deck was braced open.

One thing to remember before I go on. We'd been told all through training that "the record is 19" but it was never explained further than this.

Anyway, we're coming in for landing #1 and the FO is doing rather well. We get over the numbers, he cuts the power to idle, and then flares it. Now, for those who are not in the know of the big heavies, you DO NOT flare a monster jet like this and rather just hold attitude and let it settle in. I felt the plane balloon up a good 15 feet or so and then start to sink fast, and I held on to my seat for dear life because I know what was about to happen.......

WHAMMO!

Of course, the jolt caught the FO off guard and caused him to lose his grip on the control wheel. Without that back pressure, the nose which was 20 feet up in the air started to come down real fast.....

KER-SPLAT!

The check captain in the left seat reconfigures and gives the command for touch and go, and as the FE I'm just kinda along for the ride. I hear all this hilarious laughing behind me, but since it's during takeoff my seat is turned forward and I don't dare look behind me. After we're airborne I look behind me, and I see what was so funny. You see, "the record is 19" referred to the number of oxy masks that had gotten knocked loose from a hard landing. This guy clobbered the runway so hard that the entire rubber jungle was hanging down, just swingin back and forth while the crew in the back was laughing their butts off. The FO asked me what was so funny, because by this point I'm starting to chuckle as well, and I told him I'd tell him later.

To coop-de-gracie was when the fed remarked, in a very calm Kentucky drawl, "It's a good thing that runway wasn't wet." "Why is that sir?" "Because if it was, there'd be a whole bunch of little baby 727s sprouting up from where you just planted this thing." I'm sure the FO felt like he wanted to crawl into a bag and die, but the captain and I were trying to hold back the laughter.

 

[Princedietrich]

Yeah I got to take a crack at landing the Jurassic Jet myself once, and it is indeed a trial by firing squad. I was riding the panel for another FO checkride, and the CA asked if I wanted to try one. Of course I said yes. I can't remember the landing weight but it was in the neighborhood of 110k. I slammed the sucker in so hard I think I was an inch shorter afterward, but at least I was spared the humiliation of dumping the jungle.

 

[135fr8r]

Any one remember "Precious" at Ameristar? If so, enough said.....lol.


No really, on one particular flight, Precious was flying with a great Captain friend of mine. While at cruise, Precious turn to my buddy and says, "you know, I don't know what rimjob is, but I sure do like it." My buddy called as oon as they landed totaly freaking out. I think he still has nightmares to this day.

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

Now, for those who are not in the know of the big heavies, you DO NOT flare a monster jet like this

<snicker>......<trying to hold it back>...<snicker>......Big heavy....Monster jet....727....HAW HAW HAW HAW HEE HEE HEE...........<wipes tears from eyes> ...<snicker>.....hoo boy....good one Prince!!!!

You may be a dork if you use "Big Heavies" and "Monster Jet" to describe a 72!

No offense, just had to rag you a bit on that one!!!

However, I know exactly how it feels to be the guy in your story. I hammered a 747 in so hard on IOE that it probably registered on seismic sensors on the other side of the planet!!!:nuts:

 

[Princedietrich]

Well when you're a check-haulin freight dawg, anything bigger than a Fearjet 35 is a big heavy monster jet.

But bottom line, ya don't flare them. Now where's my beer.

 

[AMDFlyer]

Any one remember "Precious" at Ameristar? If so, enough said.....lol.


No really, on one particular flight, Precious was flying with a great Captain friend of mine. While at cruise, Precious turn to my buddy and says, "you know, I don't know what rimjob is, but I sure do like it." My buddy called as oon as they landed totaly freaking out. I think he still has nightmares to this day.

I need to ask around about "Precious" because I do not remember; but if you had ever flown at Ameristar you just do not want to do it now. with a few exceptions now there are a couple guys that are just only unpleasent to fly with; lowtime,lazy,they act like they know all, and they bust regs from take -off til ldg.
FO to Capt.in a jetosaurus during Ils to mins:"are you sure you do not want Anti-ice on?
Capt.:"no i have idle power"
Fo.: "Anti-ice switch is electric it has nothing to do with engines power"
Capt.:

 

[Archie Bunker]

How about the FO who balanced the fuel on her 727 by dumping?'Sled

How does an FO dump fuel in a 727? The fuel panel and the dump switches are back on the Engineer's panel.

 

[Harblar]

I'm suprised UND hasn't gotten slammed more. I've been on more than one interesting flight there.

I had a student a few years back that would show up for flights in his CAP jumpsuit and Would mention at least 10 times before engine start how good jumpsuits were because of the pockets and all the stuff they could hold. This kid was also dead set on being a fighter pilot. (nothing wrong with that, but...) I remember one day I was sitting there waiting to get dispatched a plane and talking with another instructor while my student was doing his W&B. Cirrus was there giving demo rides that day and we were talking about the cirrus. The kid suddenly turns around and joins our conversation saying how the cirrus wasn't anything special, blah blah blah, Prop planes are dumb, blah blah blah, I'm going into the AF and I'm going to be a fighter pilot, blah blah blah. The other instructor and I look at eachotherwith this dumbfounded expression, both of us nearly at a loss for words. "You do know that the air force starts you off in a C-172?" What made it even funnier was flying with this kid. He already had his private and for all his big talk, he would nearly crap his pants If I ever demonstrated a turn steeper than a 15 degree bank.

More civil air patrol fun... A few months back I'm takin off in ABR. It's a sunday afternoon and a whole bunch of CAP planes are there practicing. So I'm turning downwind and look over at the runway where a CAP flight aircraft has taxied onto the runway for takeoff. However, prior to starting his take off roll, He does a complete 360 degree turn to check for traffic. Now I have nothing against clearing the area for traffic, but what's the point of doing it AFTER you've already taxied onto the runway? It's a little late to hold short for traffic on final at that point. Stuff like this just boggles my mind!

I've got more stories, but it's late and I'm tired.

 

[FoxyWhiskey]

Probably the captain who is now not speaking to me because I laughed and then wouldn't take a picture of him in the left seat so he could run home and post it on MySpace! Dork! LOL