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What's the dumbest thing a crew has ever asked or requested?

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Mr Wu said:
One thing you guys need to realize is that when we call you we're not asking your permission, we're telling you what we're going to do. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartburn by just agreeing with us.
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Then why do you bother calling? Better yet just go do what you are going to do and while you are at it make the call to get ground support to get the pax off de-ice and all the other goodies you seem to take for granted. If you think you are the only ones to get things done then do it sport.
 
I used to give both a takeoff alternate and two destination alternates to certain pilots to let them know what I thought of their flying abilities....... SCT050 scares some pilots, believe me..........................
 
Mr Wu said:
One thing you guys need to realize is that when we call you we're not asking your permission, we're telling you what we're going to do. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartburn by just agreeing with us.
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"Uh...hello? hey it's really foggy out here and I think I need a takeoff alternate! Oh, hey what's that burnoff to that takeoff alternate? oh, hey, the station says we are overweight and we need to reduce the fuel numbers somehow. How about we cut down some of that reserve fuel?"

Actual phone conversation. Get off your high horse.
 
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I used to fly for a commuter. American Eagle actually. I flew corporate before that, so i was used to doing everything myself.. Calculating fuel burn, figured alternates and all that stuff.. So it was nice having dispatch, i enjoyed it..I didn't always agree with what yall did, but I was just an FO, so my thoughts didn't matter anyhow. I fly corporate now again, commuter wasn't for me.. The money is way better on this side. But I remember being with a Capt that called dispatch for EVERYTHING.... I thought it was funny, he couldn't calculate anything himself... I wonder what some of these guys would do without dispatch??
 
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Losers

Mr Wu said:
One thing you guys need to realize is that when we call you we're not asking your permission, we're telling you what we're going to do. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartburn by just agreeing with us.
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It's dumbasses like you and punchtheclown who continue to bring the aviation industry down. But you already knew that cause you think you know everything!
 
Mr Wu said:
One thing you guys need to realize is that when we call you we're not asking your permission, we're telling you what we're going to do. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartburn by just agreeing with us.
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What you need to realize is that unless you are excercising your emergency authority as PIC, you need our concurrence whether you like it or not.

If you refuse to divert to the airport I tell you to, or decide to ignore my ACARS, ARINC and radio calls, and I have reason to believe that the safety of the flight is in doubt, I'm obligated by FAR to declare an emergency on your behalf.

So unless you like wondering exactly what the rules-of-engagement are as 2 F-15's start calling you on guard, I suggest you play ball.

You can start by putting the ruler down, and putting your dick back in your pants...Captain America.

The Kack
 
kack911 said:
What you need to realize is that unless you are excercising your emergency authority as PIC, you need our concurrence whether you like it or not.

If you refuse to divert to the airport I tell you to, or decide to ignore my ACARS, ARINC and radio calls, and I have reason to believe that the safety of the flight is in doubt, I'm obligated by FAR to declare an emergency on your behalf.

So unless you like wondering exactly what the rules-of-engagement are as 2 F-15's start calling you on guard, I suggest you play ball.

You can start by putting the ruler down, and putting your dick back in your pants...Captain America.

The Kack
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Wait a minute... I may be way off..Its been a long time since I flew 121.. But since when can a dispatcher order a captain as to what he needs to do? Sure we can refuse an alternate airport that you SUGGEST... We can do just about anything we please as long as safety of flight is our number one priority.. Also how would you determine if safety of flight is compromised. I think that would be a very fine line that any dispather would better be damn sure of the situation before he/she crossed that line. As a said before, when I flew 121 I appreciated the help that dispatch provides. But what pisses me off is when dispatch thinks that they are telling/ordering us what to do. Contrary to popular belief we are not a bunch of trained monkeys, if yall think you know more than we do than get your a$$ out behind your desk and come fly the friendly skies. No disrespect intended, but that last post struck a nerve.
 
falconpilot said:
Wait a minute... I may be way off..Its been a long time since I flew 121.. But since when can a dispatcher order a captain as to what he needs to do? Sure we can refuse an alternate airport that you SUGGEST... We can do just about anything we please as long as safety of flight is our number one priority.. Also how would you determine if safety of flight is compromised. I think that would be a very fine line that any dispather would better be dang sure of the situation before he/she crossed that line. As a said before, when I flew 121 I appreciated the help that dispatch provides. But what pisses me off is when dispatch thinks that they are telling/ordering us what to do. Contrary to popular belief we are not a bunch of trained monkeys, if yall think you know more than we do than get your a$$ out behind your desk and come fly the friendly skies. No disrespect intended, but that last post struck a nerve.
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The captain and the dispatcher must agree to a course of action. If we can't agree, then there's a problem. If the captain elects to do something unsafe, like fly into known severe turbulence, I am obligated "not to allow a flight to continue into unsafe conditions."

By the same token, If I am unable to establish contact with the flight crew, and there is doubt regarding the safety or security of the aircraft, the dispatcher is authorized to take ANY action he deems necessary in the interest of safety of flight.

Ask the 9/11 dispatchers how they ascertained whether safety of flight was compromised.

Dispatchers and pilots are supposed to be on a TEAM. When numbnuts like PunchtheClown and Mr. Wu come on here and proclaim their ultimate greatness, while at the same time sh*tting all over my profession, what kind of response do you think you're going to get?

The point is, I've declared an emergency on behalf of one of my aircraft, and he thanked me for it when he got on the ground. The only people upset were management, and the ignorant pilots who think they're so "sh*t hot" that they don't need help with the sh*t hits the fan.

Be grateful you have another licensed airman with an extra set of eyes watching over you at every moment. Be grateful that we're just a phone/radio call away to give you any help you may need. Be grateful that we pass the same ATP test your captain had to pass to get his fourth stripe.

A good pilot makes use of all of his resources, and delegates duties in order to accomplish the mission. If AssClown and TooWongFoo don't know how to do that, or refuse to do that, then maybe they should slide their A$$es out from behind that yoke and come be responsible for 17 airplanes at the same time.

TheKack
 
Of course the 74 has CDL's, just not all the teeny tiny ones that the CRJ has, like all sorts of seals and the world famous aerodynamic sealant. Hell, we can even fly without one engine.

Ohh, and by the way, Mr. Wu is a piece of sheeet, don't even bother responding to him.
 
kack911 said:
The captain and the dispatcher must agree to a course of action. If we can't agree, then there's a problem. If the captain elects to do something unsafe, like fly into known severe turbulence, I am obligated "not to allow a flight to continue into unsafe conditions."

By the same token, If I am unable to establish contact with the flight crew, and there is doubt regarding the safety or security of the aircraft, the dispatcher is authorized to take ANY action he deems necessary in the interest of safety of flight.

Ask the 9/11 dispatchers how they ascertained whether safety of flight was compromised.

Dispatchers and pilots are supposed to be on a TEAM. When numbnuts like PunchtheClown and Mr. Wu come on here and proclaim their ultimate greatness, while at the same time sh*tting all over my profession, what kind of response do you think you're going to get?

The point is, I've declared an emergency on behalf of one of my aircraft, and he thanked me for it when he got on the ground. The only people upset were management, and the ignorant pilots who think they're so "sh*t hot" that they don't need help with the sh*t hits the fan.

Be grateful you have another licensed airman with an extra set of eyes watching over you at every moment. Be grateful that we're just a phone/radio call away to give you any help you may need. Be grateful that we pass the same ATP test your captain had to pass to get his fourth stripe.

A good pilot makes use of all of his resources, and delegates duties in order to accomplish the mission. If AssClown and TooWongFoo don't know how to do that, or refuse to do that, then maybe they should slide their A$$es out from behind that yoke and come be responsible for 17 airplanes at the same time.

TheKack
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Well said.... I agree that we should use all resources possible... Just curious.. If your company has a captain thats stupid enough to fly into known severe turbulence and you as a dispatcher cannot allow a flight to continue into unsafe conditions how are you going to stop him?
 
falconpilot said:
Well said.... I agree that we should use all resources possible... Just curious.. If your company has a captain thats stupid enough to fly into known severe turbulence and you as a dispatcher cannot allow a flight to continue into unsafe conditions how are you going to stop him?
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I'll try and answer that in just a minute, but first, let me tell you about something that happened at work today.

I work for a fractional, and thus I am not really a dispatcher here. I'm a flight follower, and I'm powerless to say or do anything to prevent something stupid from occuring. For instance:

One of my airplanes lost the weather radar enroute to BCT. There were thunderstorms everywhere, and apparently they had a pretty bad ride - though they didn't bother calling me to ask for a reroute.

So they call me on the ground and tell me they're broke. Long story short, Mx says "Could not duplicate, ops check good." So the crew says they're going to depart for PBI, 70nm away...

But there's thunderstorms all over the place, and a Convective SIGMET for most of Florida. So I tell the crew about the severe weather, and voice my concern about operating into known hazardous weather with an unreliable weather radar. The crew doesn't seem to mind.

All of my experience in 121 says "NO GO". But here, I get laughed at. Care to guess what the D.O. told me? "They're not in the thunderstorms, they're under it."

Nice knowing that we're willing to fly through a microburst on short final that was generated by a thunderstorm we could have seen if we had an operable radar.

So, to answer your question:

If the crew was unresponsive to "negotiations", the situation was genuinely unsafe and I truly felt the need to intervene, I'd call the appropriate ATC facility, identify myself, and advise them that I am excercising my emergency authority to prevent the continuation of flight into unsafe conditions.

I'd request that ATC issue an amended clearance to avoid the hazard. If they were unable to accomodate the request, I'd ask them to divert the aircraft to the nearest suitable airport.

That way, if the captain insists on continuing into the unsafe condition, he'll have to declare an emergency to do it.

The Kack
 
Good stuff Kack..could not agree with you more.....some funny sh$t posted here.....I believe most crews are thankful for our service and watching their 6 for trouble, I do however see where many crews do not really utilize us as well as they could.

I would forget about these two clowns posting here, its just flame bait to get us all pissed off....the bottom line is the regs speak very clearly of our shared responsibilities with the PIC...no one can change that but the FEDS. Over the years I have had to deal with a few of these Captain America's, when it gets out of hand, a well placed call to the Chief Pilot and Dispatch manager usually does the trick.
It's ashame there is no way to prove the shear number of mishaps/incidents or accidents dispatchers prevent on a daily basis in this business...but quiet is a good thing and the result we are all looking for.
 
j41driver said:
There's the problem...

;)
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This is completely off topic but...for what its worth, J-41 drivers were the coolest sumbitches I ever dispatched. I used to commute to IAD on the mighty 41 every week. I always sat up front with the cockpit door strapped to my back for a brutal 2hr 10min.

I dispatched the last J-41's up to PQI. I remember the 6 of them departing at the same time and flying up there in loose formation.

I miss DH.

The Kack
 
Regarding Punchy and Ms Wu: Remember when you started your first real job at age 21 or 22 and you thought you knew everything there was to know about everything after a couple of months? They're just immature kids, that's all. Their posts shouldn't be taken seriously.
 
whatfuelpolicy said:
Ok, this was supposed to be a fun thread like the one started in the Regionals forum, but aparently, everybody is way too serious in here.
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Had an F/O call me enroute to ask how to fish his cell phone outta the crapper.

Have had numerous calls for scores (Super Bowl Sunday is a riot, followed closely by the NCAA Tourney).

Have taken calls for pizza orders, cheeseburger orders, and various other food items.

Loved listening to the corp. guys talk about the various attributes of their inflight hostesses. Late night cruise flights using our air to ground freq. kept us all smiling. Sure would have loved to have met this Jamie lady they were talking about...she sounded "nice".
 
Kack,

You should tell the story about the FA that called you expressing his concern about unpressurized flight.

Anywho, I had a FA call me last night demanding that I swap her deadhead flight to another aircraft, because she was tired of waiting for her aircraft to arrive. She couldn't grasp the concept that aircraft are routed to certain places for operational purposes and she continued to complain that she had plans and that she was going to miss out if I didn't do this swap. When i told her no she flipped the hell out and started blaming me for ruining her plans. WTFO?
 
i had a night where the dest runway was plowed 60 ft wide with poor ba and remainder ba nil on the runway. dispatcher released us without looking at the wx or notmas which happens a lot. upon calling to discuss changing our dest. the dipatcher said that it would be ok all i had to do was stay on the plowed part and not go into the snow on landing, as if i am that good of a pilot i can control absolutly every possible outcome on landing. btw our ops specs says no operating at an airport if any surfaces ba is reported nill.

all i ask is read the wx and notams as 99% of dispatchers do but if one gets by ya don't try to talk a crew into going anyway.

also before this job no dispatchers, now life is much easier and better.
 
Captain got selected for random drug test. Called dispatch to ask what he should do because he just went to the bathroom and he didn't have to go now. Was told to go get something to drink and wait until he has to pee!
 
Two phone calls that I remember well:

"Why don't we get breakfast at the hotel anymore?" This person never stated who he was or what hotel he was talking about. I'm just supposed to know who it is. I don't get breakfast either. Life's tough and I'm hungry too.

"Hey, do my pants need to be cuffed?" Yes, but not at the same time.
 
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Then there was the time a dispatcher tried to send us to FAR with a 30 kt crosswind and braking action poor to nil. Oh yeah............we had a TR deferred.


It goes both ways....................................




AF :cool:
 
ArcticFlier said:
Then there was the time a dispatcher tried to send us to FAR with a 30 kt crosswind and braking action poor to nil. Oh yeah............we had a TR deferred.


It goes both ways....................................




AF :cool:
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oops....sorry!!!

Just kidding, it wasn't me, I PROMISE!!!
 
CA: "Uh yeah hi for flight XXX I'd like to get another 1,000 lbs of fuel onboard"

Me: "You don't have your release yet..."

CA: "Well god-dam son, can't we just say like 26.7? We gotta get goin' here soon..."
 
ss9e said:
i hate the heavily used, not often needed comfort card.
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That whole " I'm not comfortable" bull$hit is nonsense. Captains and Dispatchers are Part 121 professional airmen. They ought to be able to cleary enumerate and weigh the risks associated with each operation. They also ought to be able to convey that information to whomever. If they couldn't they didn't get what they wanted. If I couldn't then the flight got released.
 
Comfort fuel. What a concept.

Hell, I wish I had a comfortable chair to sit in at work. Nevermind doing 50 or 60 releases a day due to sick calls and turnover and central load control while management breathes down my neck about using "so much fuel". I love my job this much: make the "okay" symbol with your right hand. Note index finger and thumb position. That's how much I like it.

Edit: Yes, I am looking to get out so don't even ask.
 
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