What's the dumbest thing a crew has ever asked or requested?

[whatfuelpolicy]

I had a captain tonight demand an alternate because in his FAR's said that FEW005 constitutes a ceiling and he needed to know where to go if he couldn't get in.

The same captain, several months ago, "instructed" me that the 1 2 3 rule also states that an alternate is required if there are CB's in the forecast.

I must have missed these changes to the rules.

 

[j41driver]

I had a captain tonight demand an alternate because in his FAR's said that FEW005 constitutes a ceiling and he needed to know where to go if he couldn't get in.

The same captain, several months ago, "instructed" me that the 1 2 3 rule also states that an alternate is required if there are CB's in the forecast.

I must have missed these changes to the rules.

Here's the FAR in question. The emphasis is mine. An alternate airport is always required unlessthe weather meets the 1-2-3 rule. Nothing about CB's requiring an alternate although it would probably be a good idea to have one with CB's forcast even though it may not be required.

§ 121.619 Alternate airport for destination: IFR or over-the-top: Domestic operations.

(a) No person may dispatch an airplane under IFR or over-the-top unless he lists at least one alternate airport for each destination airport in the dispatch release. When the weather conditions forecast for the destination and first alternate airport are marginal at least one additional alternate must be designated. However, no alternate airport is required if for at least 1 hour before and 1 hour after the estimated time of arrival at the destination airport the appropriate weather reports or forecasts, or any combination of them, indicate—
(1) The ceiling will be at least 2,000 feet above the airport elevation; and
(2) Visibility will be at least 3 miles.
(b) For the purposes of paragraph (a) of this section, the weather conditions at the alternate airport must meet the requirements of §121.625.
(c) No person may dispatch a flight unless he lists each required alternate airport in the dispatch release.

 

[whatfuelpolicy]

Here's the FAR in question. The emphasis is mine. An alternate airport is always required unlessthe weather meets the 1-2-3 rule. Nothing about CB's requiring an alternate although it would probably be a good idea to have one with CB's forcast even though it may not be required.

§ 121.619 Alternate airport for destination: IFR or over-the-top: Domestic operations.

(a) No person may dispatch an airplane under IFR or over-the-top unless he lists at least one alternate airport for each destination airport in the dispatch release. When the weather conditions forecast for the destination and first alternate airport are marginal at least one additional alternate must be designated. However, no alternate airport is required if for at least 1 hour before and 1 hour after the estimated time of arrival at the destination airport the appropriate weather reports or forecasts, or any combination of them, indicate—
(1) The ceiling will be at least 2,000 feet above the airport elevation; and
(2) Visibility will be at least 3 miles.
(b) For the purposes of paragraph (a) of this section, the weather conditions at the alternate airport must meet the requirements of §121.625.
(c) No person may dispatch a flight unless he lists each required alternate airport in the dispatch release.

I know what the rule says, and it is not in question, but when the forecast calls for P6SM and SCT080CB, not really much reason for an alternate. Maybe I should have stated the forecast in my previous post.

 

[RJAA]

If it's a FEW005/SCT005 I usually put it on. To say that you need an alternate because of CB, that's a bit excessive. However, it is a case by case senerio. We all know we can't play by the "just in case if something happens" game all day long. We need to comply with what the reg says, but we should also play smart and base our decisions on all of the available information at that time and any other special considerations that you might give for that particular airport.

 

[whatfuelpolicy]

Ok, this was supposed to be a fun thread like the one started in the Regionals forum, but aparently, everybody is way too serious in here.

 

[RJAA]

Well then...one time a crew asked me for an update enroute what the highest bid was going for on his Ebay item. He asked me to look it up. I didn't do it though.

 

[landlover]

Ok, this was supposed to be a fun thread like the one started in the Regionals forum, but aparently, everybody is way too serious in here.

whould have been funny if pilots asked stupid questions, but since we as pilots are directly related to god, we make no mistakes, and ask no dumb questions.imp: :smash: :beer:

 

[Mr Wu]

P6SM and SCT080CB

You Lie!

 

[whatfuelpolicy]

You Lie!

Elaborate please....

 

[dispatchguy]

I had a crew call me over the radio once and tell me that they forgot to call me to amend the name of the F/A on the release before departure. My response was "yeah, we did that at xxxx Z, we talked about the Colts game last night - remember now?"

The clue-by-four finally hit them over the head where he goes "yeah, I do remember now." I could almost see the captain in flight with the "lights finally on over head look".

I had a captain once insist on alternate fuel for if the destination forecast went below 1-2-3 while enroute (it was forecast right at 2000-3). I told him he didnt need it, he insisted that he needed an alternate if the WX goes below 1-2-3 enroute. I then asked him if he considered continuing to a standard-ILS airport (mins: 200-1/2) as an unsafe condition with no alternate fuel, for the 1-2-3 rule only applies predeparture, and continuing flight in unsafe conditions applies inflight, and I hardly consider it unsafe to continue towards an airport with the 1500 broken tempo in an amended forecast to be unsafe. I really hated the NWS weenies when they would put TEMPO BKN019 in the forecast.

 

[homerjdispatch]

Elaborate please....

I think he was joking

 

[flyjumpseat]

I had a captain call and ask if there was a flow program into KORD.
----"Here's your sign"

 

[RVSM]

sports scores...every weekend!

And a burger order relayed to an outstation for a late running flight one night.
Whatever makes the big bird go smooth.

 

[405]

Here we go...

 

[PunchTheClown]

Trust me, we think your all idiots. I cant remember how many times I've had to correct a dispatcher. Thank god pilots are in control, otherwise we'd all be in trouble.

 

[405]

Thanks, Punch.

 

[UALfurloughee]

Uh, I don't think you are idiots, and I appreciate your help...

That said, UAL used to have a provision in the FOM (which makes it law) that if there was a forecast for CB you did need an alternate, regardless of the 123. Maybe that sheds light on that one?

Thanks for the scores by the way!

Randy

 

[PunchTheClown]

Actually, that was pretty funny

 

[Princedietrich]

Trust me, we think your all idiots. I cant remember how many times I've had to correct a dispatcher. Thank god pilots are in control, otherwise we'd all be in trouble.

Do the world a favor and go dive headfirst into a Trent900 running at full blast. Sorry pieces of arrogant crap like you don't deserve to be pilots. You don't even deserve to be alive. NOw make yourself useful and wipe my butt you scumsucking recessive trait.

 

[XPOO]

Ok, here's a few for you:

1. Didn't happen to me, but a Captain called asking a dispatcher to copy a page out of the AFDs and fax them to him. Only, he asked that the dispatcher first punch holes in the copies before faxing them over so that he could clip them directly into his Jeps.

2. Had a Captain insist that SPI was in Missouri and flew to SGF instead. Imaging explaining that one to your Chief Pilot.

3. Had a Captain call yesterday saying he was a new Captain and that he didn't understand what "flow" was.

 

[kack911]

Ah yes...where were we? Oh thats right...

So I had released a CRJ with the APU intake door deferred open. If I remember correctly, the MTOW was performance limited and we were going to have to bump pax. So I decided it would be best to accept the speed restriction of 300kt rather than add 400 unnecessary pounds of fuel for the APU to burn for 2 hours. The conversation went something like this:

Ca: "You forgot the fuel for the APU burn."

Me: "I didn't forget, I planned the flight at 300kt so we don't have to run the APU."

Ca: "Well...uh...I'm only landing with 2100lb, so I'd like the extra APU fuel."

Me: "Well...uh...if you run the APU for 2 hours, that extra fuel will be gone by the time you land."

Ca: "I don't understand."

Me: "Do you want the 400lb of fuel for the APU, or do you want it for when you arrive at CLT?"

Ca: "Both."

Me: "Ma'am, you can't have it both ways. If you run the APU then you'll have burned that fuel, and you'll still only land with 2100lb onboard."

Ca: "Well, I'd feel more comfortable if I had the extra fuel"

Me: "Ok, but you understand you're bumping 2 pax, and you're still going to land with the same amount of fuel, right"

Ca: "Yes, I want the extra fuel. And refile me so I'm not limited to 300kt."

Me: <heavy sigh>

The Kack

 

[XPOO]

Sidenote: Very interesting. Here, our software automatically figures in what's called a Performance Degradation Factor for that MEL. No way around it. Imagine explaining that one to a pilot. Takes awhile, trust me.

 

[kack911]

Sidenote: Very interesting. Here, our software automatically figures in what's called a Performance Degradation Factor for that MEL. No way around it. Imagine explaining that one to a pilot. Takes awhile, trust me.

Ours only accounted for burn penalties associated with CDL's like missing gear doors or aerodynamic sealant, and even then you still had to manually input the weight penalty.

The computer didn't do squat for MEL's like 49-14-01, so it was up to you to change the cruise mach/airspeed or add HOLD fuel to comply with the APU burn requirements as appropriate.

Another good example (on the CRJ), is the FMS deferral that requires a reduced-speed climb profile. The computer wouldn't do anything to remind you that it had to be done, thus a lot of people would forget to do it.

The Kack

 

[propsarebest]

ya'all need to stop pissing around with those little POCS (thats piece of canuk @*^$) RJ's and get a REAL airplane like the 747... It don't need no stinkin' CDL. 833,000 MTOW, YEA BABY!

 

[ss9e]

Ca: "Well, I'd feel more comfortable if I had the extra fuel"

i hate the heavily used, not often needed comfort card.

 

[Famous Dave]

i hate the heavily used, not often needed comfort card.

Care to explain why?

 

[kack911]

ya'all need to stop pissing around with those little POCS (thats piece of canuk @*^$) RJ's and get a REAL airplane like the 747... It don't need no stinkin' CDL. 833,000 MTOW, YEA BABY!

747's don't have CDL's?

The DC-10's I dispatched certainly did. Sh*t, we could defer the entire center landing gear (retracted) on the DC-10...albeit with a 125,000lb weight penalty.

As far as MTOW's go, we topped out at 572,000lb. Any points for second place?

The Kack

 

[kack911]

Care to explain why?

I think he's referring to the captain who "needs" 2000lb of Hold fuel on a leg from IAD to DAY when IAD is P6SM SKC and DAY is P6SM SCT080. No outbound delays, no enroute restrictions, and definitely no delays getting into DAY.

2100lb of Reserve, 300lb of Tanker, and 2000lb Hold fuel equals 4400lb Fuel-Over-Destination...or roughly 1.6 hours of fuel remaining.

Why?

I've never, ever disagreed with a PIC who wanted more fuel when flying into the hub at peak traffic, or into any kind of marginal weather enroute or at the destination, or with anticipated holding, or a dozen other things.

But when I ask why he/she needs extr fuel for that DAY leg, all I ever get is "I'm not comfortable landing that close to Min-Fuel."

As if it's somehow unsafe to land with 46 minutes of fuel remaining when its a beautiful summer evening with no shortage of suitable alternates nearby.

The Kack

 

[pw4000]

This one time at band camp

 

[Mr Wu]

One thing you guys need to realize is that when we call you we're not asking your permission, we're telling you what we're going to do. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartburn by just agreeing with us.