What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[say again]

I was in CVG's food court when a kind person offered to buy me lunch!! He must of known how much I really made and felt sorry!!!:beer:

 

[Turtlesfly]

While I was instructing I had a private student who I could tell just wasn't quite going to make it . . . he asked this:

Student: Our school policies state that "recovery of all stalls will be accomplished no lower than 1,500 feet AGL."

Me: Yes.

Student: Does that mean, that if you stall below 1,500 AGL you're not allowed to recover?

 

[Bluto]

What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?
"Hey, want to fly these 70-seaters for your old 50-seat rate?"

 

[dash8driver]

I would have then proceded to bitch slap him.

with a ham sandwich.






.

 

[Lloyd Christmas]

Does this look infected?

 

[Capt. JD]

PM to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jetfo
Can't help but ask what the JD is for. Name?


Take a guess...

 

[StarChecker]

Noticed a dork with his laptop open when I went back to the lav. His laptop's wallpaper was a pic of himself flying a Piper or something. As he's deplaning, he announces..."Your starboard strut's pretty noisy don't you think, Captain?"

It took me 5 minutes just to comprehend what he was trying to say. And then my brain hurt the rest of the night.

 

[I Hate Freight]

From a DHL ramper when I was flying a caravan... "Yo man, can that plane go to the moon?"

He was serous.

 

[Mysteryofflight]

From a male passenger during boarding on a rainy day ( no jetway )
Q:" Why couldn't you have given us a better weather day? "

A:" Because you touch yourself at night, sir."

 

[Fly-n-hi]

In the EMB-120 you can control the cabin tempurature from the cockpit or you can flip a switch that allows the FA to control the temperature from the cabin.

The FA temp control is a knob and has an arrow over the knob pointing left labeled "Warmer". So in otherwords if you rotate the knob clockwise it gets warmer. (You Brasillia guys know what I'm talking about)

WARMER
------------->

Well, she calls up and askes me if I can make it cooler. I look at our switch and see that it is in the "FA" position and tell her that she has control.

She then tells me that she can only make it warmer.

Yes, she was a blonde straight out of California.

 

[say again]

In the EMB-120 you can control the cabin tempurature from the cockpit or you can flip a switch that allows the FA to control the temperature from the cabin.

The FA temp control is a knob and has an arrow over the knob pointing left labeled "Warmer". So in otherwords if you rotate the knob clockwise it gets warmer. (You Brasillia guys know what I'm talking about)

WARMER
------------->

Well, she calls up and askes me if I can make it cooler. I look at our switch and see that it is in the "FA" position and tell her that she has control.

She then tells me that she can only make it warmer.

Yes, she was a blonde straight out of California.

Did you "tap" into it???:blush: Sounds like my type of woman!!!:beer:

 

[CoATP]

In the Nasty-Ho flying 135 commuter (no curtain, no door, no life) the PNF takes the checklist off the glareshield and we run it (at appropriate times). One nice lady asked, as she left, "Why do you boys keep reading the instructions?"

 

[sleddriver77]

It should be illegal to allow pax airplanes fly w/out facilities on board or not operating properly.

Especially on long legs. What if you had to hold for an hour? Both of you up there upfront probably would have had to use bottles.

I hear ya. Back in the day, while flying Navajos and singles in Alaska, I had the luxury of peeing in barf bags, soda bottles, even a thermos once. (Matter of absolute necessity, and no I didn't reuse it.) I tried to avoid these types of endeavors with passengers, but it DID become necessary once while holding. Passengers seemed to do this with a bit more frequency, or just pissed the seat if they were so inclined. The trophy, however, goes to a buddy who came up with a nasty case of the runs while on a 3 plus hour IFR flight with nowhere to stop along the way. He went to the back of the airplane (auto pilot flying) and behind his passengers, proceeded to empty the contents of his stewing bowels into a tupperware sandwich container. (Also not reused, I'm told) After hearing his tale at the saloon one evening, I felt compelled to provide him a much larger vessel in which to contain his excrement. I procured a big tupperware salad bowl with a snap-on lid, installed two rolls of TP, and wrote on the lid: "Captain Tom Xxxxxx's CRAPPERWARE."

 

[ERfly]

In the EMB-120 you can control the cabin tempurature from the cockpit or you can flip a switch that allows the FA to control the temperature from the cabin.

The FA temp control is a knob and has an arrow over the knob pointing left labeled "Warmer". So in otherwords if you rotate the knob clockwise it gets warmer. (You Brasillia guys know what I'm talking about)

WARMER
------------->

Well, she calls up and askes me if I can make it cooler. I look at our switch and see that it is in the "FA" position and tell her that she has control.

She then tells me that she can only make it warmer.

Yes, she was a blonde straight out of California.

We were told on the 145 (same system), that we have F/As who, when they're cold, slide the level to COLD and when they're warm, slide the level to WARM. These are the same folks who spend 3 days in class studying the Interphone figuring out what PA, ATTD, PILOT and EMG PILOT mean.

 

[Hikoushi]

Walking by a fancy hotel in Waikiki on the way back to my my apartment after work:
"Excuse me, bellboy? Could you take my luggage to room 605?"

 

[Dumbluck]

Walking by a fancy hotel in Waikiki on the way back to my my apartment after work:
"Excuse me, bellboy? Could you take my luggage to room 605?"

Tell me you took his stuff and threw it in a dumpster,

 

[dash8driver]

Tell me you took his stuff and threw it in a dumpster,

and turn down an opportunity at a higher paying job?





.

 

[ilove2run]

On a flight from LGA to MKE, I had a pax ask me what ocean we were flying over. I gave them the, "Are you serious?" look, followed by the, "Yes I'm serious" glance. "That's Lake Michigan," I replied. "Are you sure? I thought that looked like the Atlantic Ocean."

Geography must not be taught anymore.

 

[threegreen]

"Can you make it from there?"

 

[flyin4pennies]

Four years ago, in EWR, standing curb side waiting for the hotel van an eldery man walked up to me and asked me where the closest water fountain is. I told him inside next to the Brantiff check-in counter. He thanked me and walked inside.

 

[Mr Wu]

While getting a coffee at the buffet this morning, some old fart thanked me for bringing his suitcase to the hotel during the night.

 

[Turtlesfly]

I was jumpseating (in uniform) in the back of the plane from ORD - PDX, and after about 3 hours into the flight everybody is getting excited to get off the plane . . .

well after just waking up from a nap, I had to use the lav, and when I came out of the lav (in the rear of the plane, mind you) a man asks where we are and when are we going to land. With a straight face I told him, "I have no idea." and returned to my seat . . . I didn't feel bad leaving him panicked becasue the man who asked me was sitting next to me the whole flight.

Hello?

 

[C172gal05]

"That's your car? I thought pilots made a lot of money?"

Thats the best one!! lol

 

[C172gal05]

Some people might not get this much but I have before....

Wait....women fly?

 

[smellthejeta]

Some people might not get this much but I have before....

Wait....women fly?

I was once upon a time dealing with an inbound challenger. This drop dead gorgeous brunette walks up to me in a sleeveless red top and black pants. She hands me a list of galley items as well as a pair of chocks (wtf for, i donno). When I returned to the a/c with the items, there was a gentleman standing in the galley. I asked him where the FA was, 'cause I had some question about dishes or whatever. He insisted that he was the FA. After a little back and forth, I asked him, "Do you mean to tell me that the drop dead gorgeous woman I spoke to a few minutes ago is the pilot?" Sure 'nuff. She poked her head out of the cockpit and we both had a good laugh.

I've worked for some very busy FBO's, and there still are very, very few female pilots.

 

[cfi76]

Standing in the hotel lobby in MSP I was asked by a man how to get to the airport from the hotel. The van driver was standing a few feet from me asking who was going to the airport on the shuttle.

 

[Powda5]

Elderly woman deplaning an ATR onto a jetbridge, "I'm so glad you got rid of those propeller airplanes. I hated going outside."

Dive and drive to a mountain airport in snow and icing down to mins...upon deplaning and with a fully disgusted look a passenger says, "I don't know what you thought you were doing with the engines--all we heard was up and down with the engine!" (Um, yeah steep stepdowns 2-3000 fpm..the only flight to get in in the last hour and rolled it on--but thanks, I'll call the training dept right away)

FO standing in line at grocery store (food-stop on van to hotel) and an elderly woman behind him says, "OH! YOU work at McDONALDS!" and smiles, proud that she recognized the uniform. "uh HUH," the FO replies dejectedly.

"When I saw you I thought for sure we were going to crash," From a passenger as he deplaned. Why would you board a plane thinking you were going to crash? Is that a smart thing to say?

"Do you like being a flight attendant?" love it.

F/A calls up enroute to tell me a passenger insisted that she tell us we were going the wrong way. um....o....K.

A passenger comes up after a flight where we had held for an hour in the penalty box for a gate at ORD. He has an airport diagram and points to the penalty box, asking how we taxxied (which is ok, I guess), but then he said, "Oh, so what did you guys do to get put in the penalty box?" He really thought it was like a hockey-style penalty box!

People are funny...I am sure we have asked our own share of 'dumb' questions, too!

 

[smellthejeta]

A passenger comes up after a flight where we had held for an hour in the penalty box for a gate at ORD. He has an airport diagram and points to the penalty box, asking how we taxxied (which is ok, I guess), but then he said, "Oh, so what did you guys do to get put in the penalty box?" He really thought it was like a hockey-style penalty box!

People are funny...I am sure we have asked our own share of 'dumb' questions, too!

Sht, that was more funny than stupid. Thanks for the laugh!

 

[HighNightFlyer]

While standing at the bottom of the Metroliner stairs I was asked if I was really a pilot. I replied, "No, but I play one on TeeVee," in my best theatric voice. That passenger didn't get it but the guy after him laughed.

A few years before, at the gas station in uniform, was asked to fill 'er up by a little old man.

Now I fly freight so only my neighbors ask me when I'll get a real job flying people.

HNF

 

[nonstop]

"How do I become a pilot?"