What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[EastCoastLR35]

I was asked last week if I had graduated from high school yet.
Smart A$$

 

[screwed_again]

The dumbest question ever asked.....is "What is the dumbest question ever asked as an airline pilot?"

 

[Jet_Driver]

PLease... give me a break

I was in security line the other morning for my 6AM show at KLIT when a passenger who noticed I flew for the airline he was going to be flying on asked me:

"What kind of airplane are we flying to ORD this morning?" I answer,"Why it's a CRJ-700 built by Bombardier." He comes back with the dumb question,"Is that a big plane?"

I politely told him,"Don't worry, it will get you there."

 

[scangadah]

My wife actually blasted me one time for being a pilot and not knowing the name of all US airports...:smash:

I hope you kicked her right in the box.

 

[LAXSaabdude]

"Is that a big plane?"

The impossible to answer question. To some people anything less than a 767 is "small" (lots of people complain in the MD-80). To others, anything that is not a turboprop is "big" (equally funny, because the ATR-72 is bigger than an ERJ).

I always just say "Yes, it's a large plane".

By FAA definition, anything more than 12,500 lbs takeoff weight is "large", so if their definition is not the same as mine and the FAA's, it's not my problem.

LAXSaabdude.

 

[Flying_Corporal]

I was asked last week if I had graduated from high school yet.
Smart A$$

did you?

 

[whaleroast]

Are you going to drink that entire 12 pack?

 

[EastCoastLR35]

did you?

Yea I did 10 years ago.

 

[EMB170Pilot]

I was in security line the other morning for my 6AM show at KLIT when a passenger who noticed I flew for the airline he was going to be flying on asked me:

"What kind of airplane are we flying to ORD this morning?" I answer,"Why it's a CRJ-700 built by Bombardier." He comes back with the dumb question,"Is that a big plane?"

I politely told him,"Don't worry, it will get you there."

but you should have also said no it isn't:cartman:

 

[FR8FO]

checking in at the hotel in mdw:

manager: so you guys from out of town?

no we live right down the street, we just went out and bought these uniforms and like to stay in $120 a night hotels for the hell of it

 

[nickfaith]

I was flying a baron for this bread factory once..Their transportation manager was a commercial pilot with no IFR, no multi, and very non-current. He's sitting in the right seat (keep in mind, single yoke baron, no autopilot).

He asks "Is there any way for me to fly for awhile? I want to prove to these guys in the back I can fly this plane, so they'll just let me fly them around"

As if I want to give my job to this loser... so I let him fly a bit until the pax complained about him.

 

[180ToTheMarker]

Are you going to go to work when the bird flu hits?

 

[Oakum_Boy]

"Where's the bathroom, son."

 

[1973Arrow]

..can't let this one die...

 

[synchoff]

"Where's the bathroom, son."

Yeah, I loved this question on the Beech 1900 (no lav, so break out the sick sack, my friend).

 

[miles otoole]

Are you going to drink that entire 12 pack?

Pretty funny. Did you respond with "Of course. Unfortunately, it's all I could afford."?

 

[405]

Oh man, this is a good thread.

Keep 'em coming.

 

[pilotlbs]

School out? The wx's great!

I had a jack ass passenger ask me, "Is school out today?" I misunderstood him and replied, "No actually its supposed to be pretty warm." I thought he said 'Is it going to be cool out today?' Oh well, its probably for the best, otherwise I woulda had some smart ass comment for him.

 

[STREAKS]

How bout this... Are you saved?

_____________________
If your glass is half full, get a bigger glass.

 

[808pilot]

this happened 2 days ago and i thought my captain was going to lose it.....
we just finished a flight and were walking from our gate to the terminal for some coffee when we see his hottie walking towards us....she stops us, looks us up and down and then asks us in a german accent " excuse me but could you do something about this door over here, it nearly broke my nail and my finger really hurts...."
"i'm sorry, we are not maintenance people, we are pilots, we fly that plane right over there..."
she turns to take a look at the plane and says "oh"...."but could you take a look at it anyway? something needs to be done about this, or i'm going to write a complaint"
"again, we can't fix the door handle you need to talk to the gate agent for your flight and they can call someone...."
"but you see reight here is where my finger got cau"
"lady, we can't help you fix the door"
we couldn't believe how insistent she was and all that was wrong with the door was a strip of rubber had fallen off the handle leaving a little edge where she caught her nail......we see her later on standing at a completely different gate.....did i mention she was blonde?

 

[808pilot]

i got one more that happened to my captain about a month ago on an over night....
he got pulled over by a cop driving to the hotel from the airport....
"do you know how fast you were going?"
"uh, not really"
"what kind of uniform is that?"
"well its a pilots uniform. i'm a pilot, we just came in..."
"a pilot? of boats?
mind you this was in arizona....ahhhh the states finest working the streets...

 

[sleddriver77]

Yeah, I loved this question on the Beech 1900 (no lav, so break out the sick sack, my friend).

We had a 145 a few weeks back with the lav MEL'd. I'm talkin' door-taped-shut MEL'd. OF COURSE, we got to fly three SUPER long legs with it. We did our best to plan ahead, and informed the gates about the lack of a commode, and asked them to make an announcement, which they all did. Additionally, the FA made a further announcement after all pax had boarded, to the effect of "if you can't hold it all the way to New York, this would be a really good time to run back inside and pee." I am BAFFLED by the sheer number of people (once underway) that asked the FA if they could use it anyway, where the other bathroom was, etc. We ended up with a grand total of five people that day who had to make, uh... "alternate arrangements". If you were a boy, you got to take an empty water bottle back to the last row. If you were a girl, you got to use a barf bag in the galley. Also, the FA required that anybody taking advantage of the peeing opportunity keep their "souvineir" with them at all times, and take it with them when they left, since it was a biohazard and she wasn't gonna play in it. I gotta give her props; shame was publicly delivered where shame was due.

 

[reject007]

I was having lunch in Terminal 3 in FLL and someone asked me "Are you a captain?"

I said "Yes".

He said "Where's your ship?"

Another one asked me "Are there actually any female pilots?"

 

[synchoff]

More of a "I can't believe this "stuff" is happening on my airplane (CRJ):

6 months after 9/11 . . . FA calls and tells me a passenger is making her and others around her nervous.

I get up, and see a fully-tradionally garbed A-rab sheik type handing out religous literature about what a great thing Islam is. Oh, plus he has a big bag that he's LOUDLY stating that he won't allow to be out of his sight (had to go in the aft cargo).

Sheesh. Asked him to hold off on the literature distribution until after he got off the plane, and that the bag would either go in back or not go at all. He gave me this little smile that said "I know exactly what I'm doing and that I'm scaring all you infidels to death" then complied.

Hey, gave me a free Koran after the flight ended!

 

[Hvy]

I actually heard a first time flyer ask the Captain of a BAE J31 (19 pax) in PHL if this was the same plane that was going on to NRT (Japan) from IAD (Dulles).

 

[siucavflight]

I actually heard a first time flyer ask the Captain of a BAE J31 (19 pax) in PHL if this was the same plane that was going on to NRT (Japan) from IAD (Dulles).

I would have just told him yes.

 

[Flying_Corporal]

"alternate arrangements". If you were a boy, you got to take an empty water bottle back to the last row. If you were a girl, you got to use a barf bag in the galley. Also, the FA required that anybody taking advantage of the peeing opportunity keep their "souvineir" with them at all times, and take it with them when they left, since it was a biohazard and she wasn't gonna play in it.

It should be illegal to allow pax airplanes fly w/out facilities on board or not operating properly.

Especially on long legs. What if you had to hold for an hour? Both of you up there upfront probably would have had to use bottles.

 

[satlol]

we were boarding from one of the DTW B concourse gates recently, and since my f/a wasnt agreeing with the whole CRM thing, i was getting my own something to drink. i stand up to go back into the flightdeck and this lady in her mid 40's looks at me and says
"wow this airplane is really wierd," and i reply
"is it your first time flying?" she says,
"no,is this airplane in a building? How big is the door to get out?"

so i just looked at her with a blank stare and walked back into the front without saying anything...wtf...in a building?

 

[CoolSidePillow]

Excuse me sir, can you tell me what time the 5:00 shuttle leaves

 

[siucavflight]

He gave me this little smile that said "I know exactly what I'm doing and that I'm scaring all you infidels to death" then complied.

Hey, gave me a free Koran after the flight ended!

I would have then proceded to bitch slap him.