Once a Air Force Fighter Pilot=Never Cool Again

[Stifler's Mom]

How do you know your pilot used to fly fighters? He will tell you.

non-revving from CHS to ATL the other day, the captain comes out of the cockpit just before pushback and grabs the microphone to say a few words. He introduces the flight attendants (nice), introduces the FO (great), and tells us the flight time and the weather (fine).

He then goes on to say he flew fighters in the Air Force for 23 years, and that he will try not to get the urge to do a barrel roll. What followed was one of the least smooth flights I have been on in a long time.

I can beat that. NRSA on a Delta MD-88, and one of the pilots (not sure which one) tells everybody in his PA how he spent the previous X amount of years at American-Eagle before Delta, and before that went to Embry-Riddle University for his aviation degree.

I was so embarrassed for this guy. Even the Delta FAs thought he was way over the top with his self-worth.

 

[Colonel Savage]

Seems they both were dorkish.

 

[Draginass]

NRSA on a Delta MD-88, and one of the pilots (not sure which one) tells everybody in his PA how he spent the previous X amount of years at American-Eagle before Delta, and before that went to Embry-Riddle University for his aviation degree.

How many pax bolted for the door?

 

[TNPILOT]

How many pax bolted for the door?

Probably no passengers except maybe a jumpseater/nonrev or two!

 

[GVFlyer]

The Chappie James/ Robin Olds generation. They don't make them like that anymore.

"Black Man and Robin!"

 

[GVFlyer]

I'll vouch for AlbieF15. I'd venture a guess that he's helped a number of us on here...myself included.

+1

Albie is a good guy.

 

[AA717driver]

"Black Man and Robin!"

When someone asks who my heros are, those two are at the top of my list.

I'm just excited to have flown with someone who knew them. That generation--those with that type of character is dying off.

TC

 

[BrickTop]

It boggles my mind why people don't understand basic punctuation and spelling. Just look at how f&*d up it looks.

:laugh:

Cute!

 

[dashtrash]

Background

A fighter pilot is one of those elite men who has been selected to fly sleek,
sexy, supersonic aircraft in dazzling aerial combat, as well as put on cool
Airshows and pose for photographs. Only the best pilots in the world get to
be fighter pilots. The rest fly slow, heavy, ugly aircraft used to haul rubber
Dog **out of Hong Kong, or worse, Detroit.

Typically, fighter pilots wear elaborate uniforms which they claim are
Specially designed to be fireproof to protect them in case of an
Emergency. In actuality, however, the uniforms are made of a special type
Of cloth which repels beer stains. Note: You can tell the really "** hot"
Fighter pilots by the zipper on the beer repelling uniform. The lower it is,
The more skilled the aviator. These "flight suits" also allow a fighter pilot to
Be able to get dressed and undressed in under ten seconds flat, and also
Perform various skills such as "ball-walking," a maneuver that might
Otherwise be impossible or painful in normal attire

History

In 1069, Lord Carolus Magnus, having just been defeated by Cossacks in
The Battle of the Third Punic War, called his military councilors to discuss
New military strategies and doctrine. After thirty hours of heated
Deliberation and enthusiastic discussion, the council started to get
Sidetracked, talking about boobs and poon and other topics which had no
Place in a professional military context. Fearing that letting this go on any
Longer would have the council completely out of control, the Lord's senior
Executive officer, Baron Manfred Richtofen, summoned the butler who
Delivered four and twenty flagons of beer. An hour later, the council (who
Were Irish) was back on topic, with all members inebriated, shouting,
Passing out at the table, and there was much grab-a$$, and it was good.
As the clock struck midnight, Baron Richtofen, himself subjected to the
Intoxicating beer, thought it a good idea to strap-on a cape and leap from
The tower of the castle into a snow bank. They found him the next day, still
Intoxicated, lying in a ditch, uniform stained with his own vomit, and thus
The fighter pilot was born. In honor of this momentous occasion, he
Commissioned the sacred beverage: Jeremiah Weed. The game of CRUD
Was also invented on this night.

Fighter pilots have been a part of every major conflict since that day,
Making notable appearances in World Wars 1, 2, and 4. After the Vietnam
War (actually it was after WWII, but why quibble over details?), the United
States Air Force was created in 1947, and consists entirely of fighter
Pilots. In 1948, Chuck Yeager, the first American fighter pilot, became the
First man to fly faster than the speed of light.

Facts about Fighter Pilots

Fighter pilots are absolutely irresistible to women, who will drop their
Panties if a fighter pilot so much as enters the room.

Fighter pilots are highly skilled and take pride in their ability to consume
Massive quantities of alcohol, and can speak in complete sentences
Consisting entirely of swear words.

All real fighter pilots are men.

How do you tell if a fighter pilot is in the room? Just wait a minute .... He'll
Tell you!

Fighter pilots always wear large dark sunglasses.

Fighter pilots drive the fastest, most flashy car money can buy, and they
Always have the speedometer on the peg.

The secret ingredient in Red Bull is sweat from a fighter pilots a$$ crack,
Which explains the drinks peculiar taste, and its ability to "give you wings"

Fighter pilots wear a bigger watch than you. It's an easier target for when
They shoot it with their hands.

Fighter pilots do not high-five.

Fighter pilots do not carry briefcases.

Most fighter pilots chase women with cute asses. F-15 fighter pilots chase
Women with cute purses.

Fighter pilots subsist on a diet consisting entirely of coffee, cigars,
Chewing tobacco, beer, and whiskey.

Fighter pilots are better and cooler than you.

Fighter pilots each have their own "Verizon network" consisting entirely of
Bikini clad beer girls with loose morals. Can you beer me now? Good.

Fighter pilots are a dying breed: The last fighter pilot has been born. In 20
Years, all fighters will be unmanned. The world will be a sadder place for it
You will NEVER be a fighter pilot.

Fighter pilots can fly ANYTHING, better than anyone else. They could
even fly heavy transport aircraft, but they would certainly never want to,
nor do they NEED to.

Fighter pilots are often seen as exceedingly arrogant and full of
themselves. However, they have earned it, so do not scoff, remember that
YOU will never get to fly that fighter jet!

They don't give a ***if the pattern is full. They WILL buzz the tower
whenever they damn well please.

The Thunderbirds and Blue Angels are NOT fighter pilots. They are Movie
Stars. They are usually re-admitted to the role of the fighter pilot when
they move on to their next assignments.

 

[BushwickBill]

I agree with you there. The worst I've flown with though was a former KC-10 driver, or any ex-marine.

I second the ex marine thing... I refuse to fly with ours.