I have never...

[r1830]

I have never taken off in a 172 with the parking brake partially set still not catch it and land as well. I image those brakes would be hot and the airplane would stop in a hurry.

I have never had to shut down the right engine at 2am in the "storm of the century" because turbulence broke the oil pressure gauge

I have never forgotten my liscence and had a fed ask for it. Then say it must be in my flight bag in the aircraft. Instead of going out to the airplane, go catch a cab home to retrieve it out of the coat I wore the day before.

I have never reported 10 mile final to GJT in a 172 and ask for any other traffic in the area to please advise only to have a major airline MD 80 report the same 10 mile final 5 secs later and any other traffic in the area please advise. Boy those landing lights are bright at night when they suddenly turned them on after I called back and said I was 10 mile final and turning 90 degrees to get out of they way. Had to clean my shorts after that one. So did they I assume.

I have never been so busy on an ILS approach in 25 kt crosswind and 200 and 1/2 that I forgot to report FAF to tower. Landed and wondered why tower didn"t give us taxi instructions. Proceed to tell them we are clearing at Bravo and hear, "Thanks and by the way you were cleared to land"

I have never started to line up on the wrong offset parallel runway on my ATP checkride, have the fed ask what I was doing and reply shallow S turns to lose altitude to land on the closer correct runway.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I have NEVER accidently peeked at my co-pilots breasts as she bent forward to change a radio frequency....

And I've never done the same thing when they reach up to test the gravity crossflow prior to engine start, when you can see down their sleeves. Never.

 

[Bluestreak]

I ain't never...

I would never turn on the left pack while some moron delays the flight standing at the bottom of the stairs yapping into a cell phone.


I would never tell a controller "Ahh...Disregard-I was coming in broken and stupid" when I muffed a clearance.

I will admit,however,that one night going into LaGarbage I caught a controller napping.NY controllers make a big deal of having the latest ATIS,but on this night,it changed and he didn't have it.So,I told him something like "Negative sir,information Bravo is now current-call me back when you have it."


This guy I used to solo with was in cruise in the RJ one sunny day,trying to figure out why he kept seeing a rainbow outside his window.Checked glasses,moved his head around-still there.Just then the capt. sez "Hey,didja ever notice how the sun shining thru our contrails makes a rainbow out the window ?" "Oh,er,um,YEAH !"


I have never,whilst riding as ballast and radio beeyotch in a King Air on night,think "Gee,lookit that ground fog....Hmm looks clear up ahead..." while looking down from a few thousand feet.I did manage to figure out how much the exhaust distorts the lights on the ground before opening my mouth.

 

[SDCFI]

Well I never

I have never flown a Cherokee 140 less than 50ft off the water 1 mile offshore of San Diego. (For those of you who also never do this be sure to not watch for seagulls)

I have also never flown at less than 100ft above a heard of cows to see their reaction.

I ALWAYS follow the before-start checklist religiously and NEVER rely on my steel trap memory instead of the checklist.

Because I always use the checklist I have never started both engines on a Navajo with 1) nose baggage door open, and 2) rear baggage door open and left main chocked.

I have also never tried to taxi said Navajo with the left main chocked. (I'm the sure the folks sitting in the airline terminal across from the GA ramp got a kick outta that one)

Is it just me or does every day seem like monday when you fly freight on 5 hours sleep?

 

[great cornholio]

Never have I said "Welcome abored flight xxx with service to Washington Dulles (then looked out the window and reaized I was at Dulles) hmm looks like we are at Dulles in that case welcome abord flight xxx with service to New York Laguarida."

Or never had I got bored on a cross country and said Center sorry to break up your ping pong game but I just wanna make sure my radios are still workin

And since that never happened the controller never came back and said. Roger cessna 123 you are loud and clear and its 5 serving 2.

 

[ShawnC]

Or never had I got bored on a cross country and said Center sorry to break up your ping pong game but I just wanna make sure my radios are still workin.

In that vain, I have never filed PIREPs every 30 minutes to make sure the radios in my craptacular C172 that I rented was working.

Since I have done that one couldn't check the PIREP map the next day, and you could see the flight path that I didn't fly.

 

[Vladimir Lenin]

I have never seen a late 40s-looking dude, in a BRIGHT YELLOW, "new" VW Beetle, with a license plate that says "FLY SWA" and has a license plate frame that says, "My other ride is a 737"....
nope, never

 

[FL000]

I have never seen a late 40s-looking dude, in a BRIGHT YELLOW, "new" VW Beetle, with a license plate that says "FLY SWA" and has a license plate frame that says, "My other ride is a 737"....
nope, never

Those crazy flight attendants!

 

[SPBRIAN]

I have never....

Gotten paid less than what I was worth....

Been scared in an airplane.......

Spent countless hours at an airport holding up the wall....

Thought that the FAA might actually be there to help me.....

Flown Jumpers in the Pacific N.W.... (If you haven't done this you definatelly don't know what i'm talking about)....

Learned scud running.....

And then I absolutely positively have not ever put the above knowledge that I learned and forgotten to use.....

And I definatelly have never thought that I might be better off with a switch of careers....


Fly safe!

 

[siucavflight]

I have never been really bored and made a gigantic thread bump:0

 

[Stifler's Mom]

I've never had a TCAS warning in the middle of a PA. I wonder if the "traffic, traffic" call out can be heard in the cabin? And if so, what do they think when I suddenly cut off my PA while we look for that traffic?

 

[anjinoo7]

I have never:

Stolen a plane from the Embry Riddle flight line (Prescott) and parked it on a dirt road under the practice area and had someone pick me up ( but I heard it happened).

Performed aerobatics over downtown LA and then been forced down by L.A. county sheriffs helecopter for doing so but I know someone who has.

Dropped toilet paper rolls out of an airplane trying to hit your buddy who is in his car while driving down I-40.

 

[minitour]

I have never had this exchange with tower:

"Tower, Cessna 123 request a left 360, I'm a little high here"

"Cessna 123, approved, cleared to land following the 360"

"Cleared to land, Cessna 123"

*a few seconds pass as I didn't start the 360 and realize I was gonna be okay*

"Tower, Cessna 123...nevermind the 360, I'm a dumbass..."

 

[PropsForward]

I have never gone flying with the family to watch the fireworks from the air, then while flying back to the airport have my son point out the pretty red and green fireworks on the airfield (in the vicinity of the tower). Land, and get a greeting by the airport authority to call the tower that was still open....

 

[TIGV]

I have never coerced legal viz from the tower only to end up flying the needles till touchdown.

I have never disconnected the yaw-damper servo to get the autopilot to function.

I have never pulled the cowl and beaten hell out the FCU to free the FCV so the **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** thing wouldn't hang on the next start.

I have never done one do-nut a second, spraying snow everywhere, on an icy ramp in a T-prop just for the manic fun of it.

I have never, NEVER, had naked people in my airoplane.

I have never blasted arse-gas over the company freq, ( This requires never almost having to insert the handheld mic )

I have never responded to ATC with a Sean Connery voice.

I have never been rudely interrupted while reading a book at FL230 by my spitcan and it's contents flying loose around the cockpit due to an inadvertant encounter with the tops of a level 4. ( Nope don't chew anymore lol )

I have never forgotten what max the holding speeds are.

I never say rude things to anyone who might be listening on 123.40 LOL

 

[FracCapt]

I have never, NEVER, had naked people in my airoplane.

So....I'm guessing you were NEVER a jump pilot, either?

 

[DJS]

Glad that someone bumped this thread. I missed it the first time it came through.

I personally have never...

- attempted to call up up what I thought was BFI tower (class D) wanting to do some night landing practices in a 172.

- And since I never did that, they didn't respond with a curt "Cessna 12345 unable".

- At which point, I never started doing 360s over the Kent valley waiting for another opening on the radio, all the while thinking, "man, they are sure busy over there at Boeing tonight".

- After things calmed down a little, I certainly never called back again asking if my little Cessna could come in and do some stop and goes, getting another, angrier, "Unable!"

- Since I'm a highly intelligent person, I absolutely never would have called back with, "Boeing tower, do you have any ETA when I could in and do some stop and goes?"

- And, of course, they didn't call back with "Cessna 12345, this is SEATTLE TOWER and I said, UNABLE!"

- After that, there was never any chorus of annonymous pilots on the radio saying things like, "moron", "get a clue", "doh!" etc.

And if any of that had actually happened, I would have been exceedingly relieved that Cessna 12345 was a rental!

 

[BD King]

Okay, Okay. I am glad that I have never flown under a bridge in an open cockpit airplane (UPF-7). I am glad that I have NEVER rolled an airplane on take-off. (Assuming that I would have done so, I would assume that it is greater than sex)
{not quite}..............come to think of it? Maybe it is......And thank GOD, I have never busted an altitude, or any regulation............LONG LIVE BOB HOOVER!!!!!!!!

 

[tcoll777]

I have never rolled a piper seminole........nor have I ever went IMC just after calling field in sight, and still landed! I have never ever, set an ADF to a freq, turned up the volume, and dozed off........(when you get close it starts screaming, wakes you up)..........but someday i would like to try these things

 

[secks]

I never stayed up until 5AM EST reading "I NEVER" posts.

Here are a few from the rails:

I never took my (short) train over a derail while servicing an industry.

I never picked up some hopper cars which had just been rerailed, derail them over a misaligned switch, and blame the carmen for not rerailing them properly. I never got away with it either.

I never throw used "lavatory bags" out of the locomotive while doing track speed.

I never get a kick out of blasting through a sleepy town at 3AM, whistle screaming.

I never briefly block a crossing in order to get a quick cup of coffee.

I never have forgotten to call a signal.