What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[Sawmill]

I was on IOE with a pretty cool CA and we were about 10 mins from our destination. Ding Ding...The FA asked us if an old lady could use the restroom and without missing a beat, the CA said, " Number one or number two?" Before he could tell her he was kidding, the FA was off the phone and went to ask her. A minute later, Ding Ding..."ummm, she said number one". The CA told the FA it was ok for her to used the restroom then. We laughed all the way to the hotel.

 

[acaTerry]

Back to topic:

Terminal bathroom, me mid-stream long one. Tug on my shirt "excuse me, sir." I ignore it, thinking to my self, what the hell? Four seconds later a tug on my collar followed by another "excuse me sir." Turn my head and firmly said "hang on a second, I'll be done shortly!" Shake, zip up turn around to walk to the sink to wash up, and this 30ish aged Yuppie totally violating my space bubble, less than a foot behind me looming over my shoulder.

I think he liked you and wanted you to turn around so he could see "you". You sure got a purdy mouf.

 

[mcjohn]

"So you're going off for some regional jet training? Wow 2 months just to be a steward?!"

And I'm not even a richard smoker OR a poopy poker (for you Ween fans out there.)
I have a deep Georgia accent.
Got that twice in one day the other day. Probably didn't help that I was wearing a bellman uniform.

 

[flyflorida2001]

At my former regional we stayed in the same hotel as the FA's during new-hire ground school. Sitting in the pool with a few of the new flight attendants, one asked how long we were in town. I told her that we were there for about 8 weeks of training. About this time she says, "Well hell, were here for 5 weeks of training, do you mean to tell me that if I stayed here an extra 3 weeks I could be a pilot!?".

I laughed so hard I spit my beer into the pool at that point, and she didn't get what was funny.

 

[Frap]

Oy. That story again? I wonder how many times that thing's been regurgitated on this board.

If this is truly the conversation that you had, then you have my sincerest apology for doubting your story. But I'm thinkin' it didn't happen.

 

[flyflorida2001]

Oy. That story again? I wonder how many times that thing's been regurgitated on this board.

If this is truly the conversation that you had, then you have my sincerest apology for doubting your story. But I'm thinkin' it didn't happen.

Your apology is accepted!! I know...I couldn't believe it when I heard it. But it is the truth!!

 

[Fly-By-Cable]

1. While deadheading in uniform:

Pax: “so…do you have to ride so many times as a passenger in this plane before they let you fly it?”

Me: “unfortunately yes…once, in each of it's 120 seats”

2. Again deadheading in uniform:

Pax: "are you a pilot?"
Me, staring back for a second, smiling and replying with a question: "are you a passenger?"
Pax: "hehe... why... yes, of course"
Me: "what's your route?"
Pax, smiling: "wow, I was just gonna ask you that same question myself"
Me: "no way!"

3. While greeting passengers at cockpit door during boarding:

Pax: “are you old enough to have a license to fly this plane?”

Me: “no, I only have my learner’s permit…that’s why I brought my dad along. He has a license” <stepping aside to reveal FO sitting in his seat>


4. While awaiting for inbound aircraft at the gate at an outstation:

Pax: “how do you find the way to (our destination)?”
Me, pointing at a towering cumulus cloud in a distance: “its easy…you just go to that cloud and hang a left”


As Jules Winnfield said (Pulp Fiction): “If my answers frighten you, then you should seize asking scary questions”

 

[acaTerry]

No, the scary thing is that stupid people like that can complain and get you in trouble.

What are you doing these days? Find more work in IAD or went elsewhere?

 

[CoAlpha]

sitting right seat looking at the release in PHL (cpt was inside getting coffee) PAX were boarding. Some dumb fat chick walks into the cockpit and says "oh I did not know anyone was in the bathroom, sorry, let me know when you are done." She thought I was taking a dump.

 

[knewhigher]

sitting right seat looking at the release in PHL (cpt was inside getting coffee) PAX were boarding. Some dumb fat chick walks into the cockpit and says "oh I did not know anyone was in the bathroom, sorry, let me know when you are done." She thought I was taking a dump.

hahahahahahahaha

 

[barrelroll]

Are you the "pilot" or the "pilot's helper"?

 

[bustinmins]

Wait a minute...you actually fly as a copilot?

reply: "Um, yes...every now and again..when the pilot is sleeping"

 

[bustinmins]

Before departing PHX to MCI a Passenger requested: "Can you point out "???", Kansas. It has a large grain elevator - you can't miss it!!!

 

[VWDrvr21]

I won't bother reading all these pages, but I know where this is going and what your intent is. I find it fascinating when pilots tend to 'put down' non-pilots. Lot of what we know, and consider, routine is something absolutely NEW to a non-pilot.

For instance, in a recent conversation with new college-graduate, I discovered that he thought that Ramp Agents who marshal aircraft in to gates are part of Air Traffic Control. Others thought that the Tower controls all traffic in the US, and most passengers think that Flight Attendants are there to provide food and drinks ONLY.

Doesn’t mean that these people are stupid. But your questions is implying the same and soliciting response to that effect.

I’m sure somewhere on the net there's a thread on a Surgeon/Physicians board with a question: What's the dumbest question you've been asked BY a pilot?

These people are stupid! I mean basic geography like 'is that the Atlantic Ocean?' when your departing Chicago? or"is that Nebraska? look for the one grain elevator.' I mean really! Most people are really so uninformed its amazing they get by. I have heard that 10% of this country,s population are the producers and the rest basically feed off of this 10%. I believe it!

 

[siucavflight]

"So when do you actually get to be the one flying the airplane?"

 

[dingo222]

I met the next darwin award winner today.....what do you mean we can't land during a thunderstorm? I golf during thunderstorms......

sir, i heard greens fees were half off this afternoon

 

[WalterSobchak]

For instance, in a recent conversation with new college-graduate, I discovered that he thought that Ramp Agents who marshal aircraft in to gates are part of Air Traffic Control. Others thought that the Tower controls all traffic in the US, and most passengers think that Flight Attendants are there to provide food and drinks ONLY.

Try explaining being a dispatcher to people. I just gave up with my mother and started telling her, "Yes, mom...I'm a tower controller".

 

[FlySacto]

These people are stupid! I mean basic geography like 'is that the Atlantic Ocean?' when your departing Chicago? or"is that Nebraska? look for the one grain elevator.' I mean really! Most people are really so uninformed its amazing they get by. I have heard that 10% of this country,s population are the producers and the rest basically feed off of this 10%. I believe it!

After a lot of research and observation, I've come to the conclusion that 50% of the population is below average.

 

[JettBoii]

I agree.

 

[Microclimates]

see-that just shows that you're a glass half-empty kind of guy! there's also 49% above average!