What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[808pilot]

i got one more that happened to my captain about a month ago on an over night....
he got pulled over by a cop driving to the hotel from the airport....
"do you know how fast you were going?"
"uh, not really"
"what kind of uniform is that?"
"well its a pilots uniform. i'm a pilot, we just came in..."
"a pilot? of boats?
mind you this was in arizona....ahhhh the states finest working the streets...

 

[sleddriver77]

Yeah, I loved this question on the Beech 1900 (no lav, so break out the sick sack, my friend).

We had a 145 a few weeks back with the lav MEL'd. I'm talkin' door-taped-shut MEL'd. OF COURSE, we got to fly three SUPER long legs with it. We did our best to plan ahead, and informed the gates about the lack of a commode, and asked them to make an announcement, which they all did. Additionally, the FA made a further announcement after all pax had boarded, to the effect of "if you can't hold it all the way to New York, this would be a really good time to run back inside and pee." I am BAFFLED by the sheer number of people (once underway) that asked the FA if they could use it anyway, where the other bathroom was, etc. We ended up with a grand total of five people that day who had to make, uh... "alternate arrangements". If you were a boy, you got to take an empty water bottle back to the last row. If you were a girl, you got to use a barf bag in the galley. Also, the FA required that anybody taking advantage of the peeing opportunity keep their "souvineir" with them at all times, and take it with them when they left, since it was a biohazard and she wasn't gonna play in it. I gotta give her props; shame was publicly delivered where shame was due.

 

[reject007]

I was having lunch in Terminal 3 in FLL and someone asked me "Are you a captain?"

I said "Yes".

He said "Where's your ship?"

Another one asked me "Are there actually any female pilots?"

 

[synchoff]

More of a "I can't believe this "stuff" is happening on my airplane (CRJ):

6 months after 9/11 . . . FA calls and tells me a passenger is making her and others around her nervous.

I get up, and see a fully-tradionally garbed A-rab sheik type handing out religous literature about what a great thing Islam is. Oh, plus he has a big bag that he's LOUDLY stating that he won't allow to be out of his sight (had to go in the aft cargo).

Sheesh. Asked him to hold off on the literature distribution until after he got off the plane, and that the bag would either go in back or not go at all. He gave me this little smile that said "I know exactly what I'm doing and that I'm scaring all you infidels to death" then complied.

Hey, gave me a free Koran after the flight ended!

 

[Hvy]

I actually heard a first time flyer ask the Captain of a BAE J31 (19 pax) in PHL if this was the same plane that was going on to NRT (Japan) from IAD (Dulles).

 

[siucavflight]

I actually heard a first time flyer ask the Captain of a BAE J31 (19 pax) in PHL if this was the same plane that was going on to NRT (Japan) from IAD (Dulles).

I would have just told him yes.

 

[Flying_Corporal]

"alternate arrangements". If you were a boy, you got to take an empty water bottle back to the last row. If you were a girl, you got to use a barf bag in the galley. Also, the FA required that anybody taking advantage of the peeing opportunity keep their "souvineir" with them at all times, and take it with them when they left, since it was a biohazard and she wasn't gonna play in it.

It should be illegal to allow pax airplanes fly w/out facilities on board or not operating properly.

Especially on long legs. What if you had to hold for an hour? Both of you up there upfront probably would have had to use bottles.

 

[satlol]

we were boarding from one of the DTW B concourse gates recently, and since my f/a wasnt agreeing with the whole CRM thing, i was getting my own something to drink. i stand up to go back into the flightdeck and this lady in her mid 40's looks at me and says
"wow this airplane is really wierd," and i reply
"is it your first time flying?" she says,
"no,is this airplane in a building? How big is the door to get out?"

so i just looked at her with a blank stare and walked back into the front without saying anything...wtf...in a building?

 

[CoolSidePillow]

Excuse me sir, can you tell me what time the 5:00 shuttle leaves

 

[siucavflight]

He gave me this little smile that said "I know exactly what I'm doing and that I'm scaring all you infidels to death" then complied.

Hey, gave me a free Koran after the flight ended!

I would have then proceded to bitch slap him.