Two Pilot Marriages

[av8trix]

6 years and counting....

7th anniversary in a couple months. 5 years of the 6 were active duty military, and this last year has been great with the jumpseat privileges. If I'm off and he's traveling I'll try and go to him, and vice versa. He's international, I'm domestic, no kids (still debating that one). We see each other 7-10 days a month on average. Thank goodness for Verizon's unlimited family minutes! It takes more effort, but it works for us.

 

[capt. megadeth]

Just bitter and sad that kids are on behavior modifying drugs and being raised by one parent at a time or day care.

Yes, it is sad that instead of getting a good whoopin for misbehaving, a pill is now the answer.

I was raised by a single mom that had to work all the time. I was a latch key kid from the time I was 6. I think I turned out allright. I definitely felt loved. That's not to say that people should just have kids and ignore them. I think people don't take having kids seriously enough these days. It's one of the reasons we don't have any yet....because we know it's a very serious committment, we both want to continue to fly and we want to make sure we could make it work.

 

[Bobby Orr 4]

I have been very happily divorced from my ex-pilotwife for 3 years now. The last 2 years of our marriage we saw each other 3-4 times per month. I have figured out how to never get another divorce. Never get married again.
I have nothing bad to say about my ex either. Just didn't work out.
Chris Rock has said you can live life 2 ways:

1. Single and lonely or
2. Married and bored.

I'll take single and lonely thanks...

 

[Slice121]

I have been very happily divorced from my ex-pilotwife for 3 years now. The last 2 years of our marriage we saw each other 3-4 times per month. I have figured out how to never get another divorce. Never get married again.
I have nothing bad to say about my ex either. Just didn't work out.
Chris Rock has said you can live life 2 ways:

1. Single and lonely or
2. Married and bored.

I'll take single and lonely thanks...

Same here, almost exactly.

 

[Standby 1]

Interesting thread. We're a 2 pilot family --- with a child. Works for us. I tried not working and was miserable. But there's a big difference between sitting on reserve in another city and having the seniority to hold day trips and live in domicile.

Things changed dramatically for us once the stork brought the kidlet. It definately changed our priorities --- looking back, I can't believe how selfish we were regarding schedules, etc. Now both of us have set aside our own petty "wants" because the kidlet is so much more important.

As to the details of how we make it work: we bid around each other so one of us is with the munchkin. For the odd day or two a month that can't be covered, we have a nanny on call (salaried). We actually see each other quite a bit as days inevitably overlap. In a way it's pretty cool --- our days off are just that: FREE FROM WORK and completely focused on family. Personally, I would hate it if we worked 9-5 jobs, Mon-Fri. I can't imagine battling traffic every evening just to get home and have to put the kid to bed. I get far, far more time with my family as a pilot.

That being said, I wouldn't object to inheriting 20 mil and never having to work again. But only if that included my husband quitting, too, and our family spending the time (and money!) together.

As for my husband, I daresay he's pleased with our arrangement as well. He's the best dad in the world and (in my humble opinion) one of the best pilots I've ever flown with. His only complaint that I've heard is that he has no one at home who is impressed that he's a pilot.

 

[capt. megadeth]

His only complaint that I've heard is that he has no one at home who is impressed that he's a pilot.

LOL!

You've pretty much got the arrangement we hope to have one day if we ever get over being scared $hitless about having a little munchkin.

 

[lifeguard]

LOL!

You've pretty much got the arrangement we hope to have one day if we ever get over being scared $hitless about having a little munchkin.

I don't think anyone ever gets over being scared about having a baby but do it anyway!! It is the greatest experience and they bring so much joy to your lives! I think a two pilot family can make it work as well or better than people in other professions. It is not the profession you are in that makes you a good parent. And Mega...from reading your posts you seem like you are very level headed and intelligent.

 

[capt. megadeth]

And Mega...from reading your posts you seem like you are very level headed and intelligent.

Whoa! I thought everyone on here thinks I'm nuts!

Maybe you were being sarcastic.

 

[lifeguard]

Maybe you were being sarcastic.

Actually, I wasn't..I usually find my self agreeing to your way of thinking. I try not to say too much cause I am not a pilot..just married to one... but I have worked in the industry for 20 years.

 

[FlyUnited]

I don't think anyone ever gets over being scared about having a baby but do it anyway!! It is the greatest experience and they bring so much joy to your lives! I think a two pilot family can make it work as well or better than people in other professions. It is not the profession you are in that makes you a good parent. And Mega...from reading your posts you seem like you are very level headed and intelligent.

I'm going to assume your children are VERY young. Heck, we have two, (one in Harvard, one at Stanford.....everyone else thinks they are great kids....WE know better), and we still count the years until we are "kid free". Greatest experience will be when they LEAVE HOME, or figure out how not to make us NOT pay for school!!!!

Now grandkids, ahhhhhh....THAT will be a "Greatest Experience" for us.

 

[lifeguard]

INow grandkids, ahhhhhh....THAT will be a "Greatest Experience" for us.

My dad claims his are so great..he wishers he would have had them first!!!:laugh: But you are right..my little guy is only two.

 

[cezzna]

You can make anything work. My ex went over the rainbow a couple years back and I had to litigate her into supervised visitation. I have two GREAT kids the youngest with autism who attends thearapy 7 days a week. I'm lucky that I RON less than 20% of the year and have a great live in nanny.

Making it work, quit yer bitchin'

 

[Bobby Orr 4]

Is your nanny hot??

 

[capt. megadeth]

My ex went over the rainbow a couple years back

Making it work, quit yer bitchin'

You mean discovered she was a lesbian?

 

[Way2Broke]

I'm going to assume your children are VERY young. Heck, we have two, (one in Harvard, one at Stanford.....everyone else thinks they are great kids....WE know better), and we still count the years until we are "kid free". Greatest experience will be when they LEAVE HOME, or figure out how not to make us NOT pay for school!!!!

Now grandkids, ahhhhhh....THAT will be a "Greatest Experience" for us.

Thats simple, don't pay for it. I bet later down the road they wil appreciate it more. My parents helped with money for food sometimes, but all that did was afford me ramen noodles. The greatest power any parent has is the right to day NO. Don't lose it.

 

[i-no longer]

I agree totally with Standby 1. I'm ex-independence and am currently working desk jobs until I can get flying again. By the time I drop off my daughter at grandmas, and pick her up again at night.....well, we don't get much time together at all during the week. When I compare aviation to 9-5 type jobs, aviation is the way to go. As for how to make having a child work out, talk it over with both sets of grandparents to be. Then move if you need to. My mother surprised me by being the one to say she wanted to be "day" care. Grandma (and grandpa too) now have a special relationship with my daughter. Also, when daddy is home, he's primary care-giver all day, multiple days in a row.....how great is that for their relationship!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do Way2. All I know is that having a child is an extraordinary experience in so many ways, that it is worth any obstacles you might have work your way through!

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Why don't you stay at home and be the primary 24/7? Grandparents can still have "special" relationships and the kid gets what he/she really needs... MOM! Also, you get what you want.... your child raised by your values.. not your grandparents... (there are differences...)

 

[FlyUnited]

Why doesn't HE stay home and she works? It's a personal decision.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Why doesn't HE stay home and she works? It's a personal decision.

Depends....

For the first 12-ish months the Mom should stay at home. Sorry girls, but you have the uterus and hormones that make nuturing so great...

But sure...HE can stay at home.... as long as one spouse is home.

I met a female airline pilot on the commute. Just met her and she told me how much her kids missed her, wondered why SHE had to leave for ovenight trips and she couldn't wait to get furloughed...

Personal decsison? Not when kids are a factor. It becomes a decision of sacrifice, priorities and what is best for the kids/family. Not really themes of ME-ism and feminism, it is anything but personal.

 

[i-no longer]

Rez, sure, in a perfect world with no bills it'd be great if one of us could stay home. At this point in our careers (he's with a regional, I've been unemployed) we're not making good enough money for that to be an option. We both changed careers late in life and have student loans plus to pay off. That being the case, aviation is still better than those 9-5 jobs. As for grandma taking care of her, I've no worries at all. She did a bang up job giving me my values....

But, my specific situation aside, I still feel that if neither pilot wants to give up his/her career you can still have a happy, healthy (just not "traditional") family.