Two Pilot Marriages

[Way2Broke]

I had no idea that this thread would evolve the way it did. I thought that I was the only one that was in this situation. It is apparently alot more common that I first thought. It is very nice to know that people do, and can make it work.

 

[satpak77]

It is very nice to know that people do, and can make it work.

We know people do it, now whether it "works" or not is dependant on your definition, in your marriage, of "works"

I am skeptical

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

We know people do it, now whether it "works" or not is dependant on your definition, in your marriage, of "works"

I am skeptical

Agreed! Nobody loves your kids like you do. And your kids love no one better than Mom and Dad. Grandparents are no exception.

Kids want to be with Mom and Dad as much as possible.

Wants defined as needs makes it "justifed"

 

[Northern Lights]

One possible benefit of a pilot/pilot or pilot/FA marraige is that at least both sides understand the schedule and the need to be away from home several days per month.

I've flown with a captain who was married to the FA working the flight. For the most part it was fine, but I was embarrased for all of us when I heard him call her "honey" with passengers onboard.

This couple was probably 15 years apart in age and had no plans for kids, so it seemed like it was working.

Then I've seen the exhausted couples bidding opposite schedules, so someone can be home with the kids. I don't envy that at all.

 

[Dodge4SRT]

I think in general that one pilot in the household is bad enough, but I give you guys/gals credit who make it work. That is true love, not much of that going around these days.

 

[flygirl_1313]

We know people do it, now whether it "works" or not is dependant on your definition, in your marriage, of "works"

I am skeptical

It's an individual opinion if it works for a couple or not. All your posts on this thread make you sound sad, pathetic and cynical... Too bad for you.

 

[rdy4to]

I have to agree with flygirl_1313. Both satpak77 & Rez O Lewshun are trying so hard to make everyone believe in their standards of what makes a marriage and having kids successful. Really all they sound like is bitter and sad.

If I were to look just at numbers, I personally can think of a least a dozen two pilot marriages. Some are good friends and some are acquaintances. Some have kids and some don't. In this era where 50% of marriages end in divorce, I don't know any two pilot divorces. I'm sure there are some, but every pilot I know that is divorced is divorced from someone not in the aviation industry. I realize this is just my slice of the world, but this is what I see. So if these couples can make it work then more power to them and all the naysayers can b**ch all they want, it won't change anything.

 

[flygirl_1313]

Thank you! This thread is very interesting and brings out situations I never thought of! More power to the couples that make it work, kids or no kids!!!

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

I have to agree with flygirl_1313. Both satpak77 & Rez O Lewshun are trying so hard to make everyone believe in their standards of what makes a marriage and having kids successful. Really all they sound like is bitter and sad.

Just bitter and sad that kids are on behavior modifying drugs and being raised by one parent at a time or day care.

Having sucessful kids is measured by thier behavior, adaptability and ability to function well in society. But again, the only thing kids want to do is be with thier parents. Why limit that? So one can have a successful career. Cause we have a right to fly jets? Cause the neighbors just a got a flat screen.

What is the point of marrying a another pilot/FA and having kids? A seperated family that is rarely together doesn't make sense?

 

[lifeguard]

Even though my husband may be gone 16 days in a row..he is home for 12 and gets to spend the FULL 12 DAYS with our son. That is actually more time than my friends husbands, who work till 7pm at night and on Saturdays just to make ends meet. When my husband is gone, his uncles and grandparents are around him, usually every day.

 

[flygirl_1313]

There are a lot of kids in this country on drugs who have parents that are home every night. In this day and age, if you are a blue collar family, chances are you need the 2 incomes to make it and provide a good life for your family. Ideally, it would be great if every family could have a parent be home(if they are a good parent) and better for the kids. But this world is filled with dynamics and different things work for each family. Kudo's to the people that make it work and have great kids!! No one will ever "win" this argument. There is too much involved and too many different opinions and too many different ways for it to work or go wrong.

 

[Peanut gallery]

Not to rain on anyone's parade

I know of only 6 two pilot marriages all but one including my own have ended not just in divorce but in very costly and nasty divorces. The principle culprit in all 5 divorces was the inability to negotiate and reach compromise. My own ex-wife stated during conselling that every thing would have been fine if I just did what she said, and that it was my job to do all the changes that were necessary because she just could not be wrong.
Two type A personalities in one house just did not work for me or my other 4 friends.
The one remaining marriage is in no way a happy affair. The wife also at the big U sleeps with everybody she can, and the husband is pretty happy not to have to climb that mountain. He has a rather slutty F/A that takes up his attention span. They probably will never get a divorce because they have seen the financial disaster that the others have suffered.

 

[AV1ATRX]

I know of only 6 two pilot marriages all but one including my own have ended not just in divorce but in very costly and nasty divorces. The principle culprit in all 5 divorces was the inability to negotiate and reach compromise. My own ex-wife stated during conselling that every thing would have been fine if I just did what she said, and that it was my job to do all the changes that were necessary because she just could not be wrong.
Two type A personalities in one house just did not work for me or my other 4 friends.
The one remaining marriage is in no way a happy affair. The wife also at the big U sleeps with everybody she can, and the husband is pretty happy not to have to climb that mountain. He has a rather slutty F/A that takes up his attention span. They probably will never get a divorce because they have seen the financial disaster that the others have suffered.

Those are really sad situations, but not particular to aviation. There are situations exactly like that in every other aspect of America as well.

I've been on vacation since I last posted and am surprised that this thread is still going the way it is - this type of discussion is good, whether there is a clear answer or not. I don't feel the need to defend myself to the poster with all the questions, so I won't. But keep this going - I find it very interesting!

 

[Diesel]

There are a couple of different issues when involved with a pilot/pilot marriage. Since pilots are mostly type A there is a competition between the two usually. Eventually both of them must come to an understanding of each others role in the others life. Does this mean sacrifices? Sure but show me a marriage that doesn't have it.

p/p marriages take a lot of extra work and time..... Is that a good thing? Yes and no because you tend not to get into a rut of home by 5 out by 8am. Things are constantly changing and there are a lot of times that a romantic dinner together is dashed by a pop up trip, or a full jumpseat.

Technology has been really great to marriages today. With blackberries my wife and I can have a running conversation throught the day. I don't have to worry that my call my screw something up she is doing and the same goes with me. Blackberry has an AIM feature that really helps out. Just know I was saying goodnight to her while I myself am getting up to start the day. While it was only a 5 minute conversation on the blackberry, while she is in a crew van, i know what its like to try and squeeze in a call while trying to crawl into bed. We've had a rolling conversation throught the day so she feels involved in my life and mine in hers. Also since she is doing a lot of international unlimited international data on the bb saves a ton of money. Google calendars is the best too.

My mom was a pan am flight attendant for 20 years and when she went on round the world trips they wouldn't talk for 2 weeks or so. My dad figured pan am would call him if something is wrong.

Here is the other thing we've found. When we're off we're off. We have no deadlines to make, or bosses to piss off.... we are off. Why is this important? Because when we both come off the road the best thing we like to do is cook dinner at home and watch a movie. Guys who have wives that aren't flying work very hard at home, then the pilots come home and all their wives want to do is go out and eat because they've been stuck at home. The wife and I are on at least the same page when we get home.

So will this marriage work out? I know the statistics aren't there but we work very hard at making it work. We don't have children yet but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Hope this helps with some insight.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Diesel-

A technological crutch?

How often are you physically together per month? In this post you didn't mention kids....

 

[flygirl_1313]

Diesel-

A technological crutch?

How often are you physically together per month? In this post you didn't mention kids....

Diesel - Nice post. Very well put and great effort at making it work. I think that communication is a big deal, I know it is in my relationship.

Rez - he did mention kids and he said they didn't have any, but will deal with that later!

 

[Diesel]

Well how many days a month do I have off or does she?

She's been in training for a while so it hasn't been much.

I usually take the summer off for vacation. So 1 week of work in July and 1 week of work in august.

Past practice usually nets about 7 days a month maybe up to 10? At her old company it was 14 but thats because of senority and day trips.

No kids.

 

[Way2Broke]

It's an individual opinion if it works for a couple or not. All your posts on this thread make you sound sad, pathetic and cynical... Too bad for you.

This is one woman that you do not want to argue with. Trust me! :laugh:

 

[FlyUnited]

The one remaining marriage is in no way a happy affair. The wife also at the big U sleeps with everybody she can, and the husband is pretty happy not to have to climb that mountain. He has a rather slutty F/A that takes up his attention span. They probably will never get a divorce because they have seen the financial disaster that the others have suffered.

Wouldn't that make the PILOT WIFE the slut? (or perhaps the married PILOT HUSBAND the slut?)

 

[Peanut gallery]

Lol....

We did say two pilot marriages... I thought the the slut part was implied by definition.imp: