Two Pilot Marriages

[Rez O. Lewshun]

OK, I'll say it, "I wish I flew more trips and spent less time with the kids.....especially after this weekend. Wow, thanks, I feel much better now."

.

Since it is all about you, I'm sure you do feel better....Now say it to your kids....

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Divorce? I'd think a college educated woman would have the decision making skills to marry a lifetime partner. Another aspect of current culture: divorce. It is way too easy today. Especially with kids, parents just opt out. And now that woman are working, it is easier to divorce cause they can get a job. "I'll just take the kids and get a job" she says! What about commitment? Sure life is tough, but we divorce too easy and kids pay the price. This is all part of the me-ism and materialism.

Clarification: I am not saying it is all women. It takes two to divorce and men share all the blame....

 

[capt. megadeth]

This is the fundamental disagreement. Sorry, when you decide to have kids one spouse (man or woman) needs to be at home with them. This includes the teen years, when parents think thier teenagers are becomming more independent. Sure teens can cook thier own meals but they still need unconditional love and guidance (even though they say they don't).

Having children is a serious commitment. More than anything else in the world. For some reason our social programming has devalued child rasing. Sure it sounds better when people ask.. What do you do? Responding with "I am an Air Line Pilot" sounds better and cooler than "I am a stay at home parent". We don't even have a good description for it...

Not sure why one would want to have kids then have both spouses hit the road? Why have kids then?

Children including teens need unconditional love. When two pilots have kids you are simply telling them that something is more important then them. Now..what is it that is more important?

1. Noone said you don't need to be at home with them. That's why you bid opposite schedules.

2. SORRY.....what makes you right and others wrong when you say a parent absolutely must stay at home with the kids. I told you....my father wasn't around and my mother had to work to feed me. What is your answer to that? I got unconditional love and my mom worked.

3. Just because someone wants a career and kids does not mean they want to "sound cool" saying they are an airline pilot. That's stupid. What do you suggest the answer is when you have kids, quit your flying job and then the sole provider dies in a car accident? What do you do to provide then? Oh yeah, you are screwed!

4. Once again, I don't know why you say one wants to have kids and then "hit the road". You bid opposite schedules so one spouse is with the kids 24/7. I don't know what your beef with this is.

5. Two pilots having kids does not tell them their careers are more important than them. That's bull. Kids do need love and nurture...however, dropping everything in the world and not teaching them that the world does not only revolve around them is not good either. That's why we have the instant gratification and it's all about me generation.

6. Bottom line is you have your opinion and we have ours. Mind your own business and I will mind mine.

 

[capt. megadeth]

What do you think a two pilot marriage spouse would say to this on his/her death bed? "I am glad I got 2000K more flight hours instead of spending time with the kids?" or "I'm glad I got displaced into another jet and had to go to training and missed a cross country road trip with the family?"

This is a little dramatic. Besides, you yourself are away from the family because you chose to fly. One can say you are selfish too. If you are home on your days off with the entire family, how is it different if 2 pilots bid opposite schedules? One is always home and there are overlapping days when they are both home?

 

[capt. megadeth]

Divorce? I'd think a college educated woman would have the decision making skills to marry a lifetime partner. Another aspect of current culture: divorce. It is way too easy today. Especially with kids, parents just opt out. And now that woman are working, it is easier to divorce cause they can get a job. "I'll just take the kids and get a job" she says! What about commitment? Sure life is tough, but we divorce too easy and kids pay the price. This is all part of the me-ism and materialism.

Give me a break!

So my dad beat my mom when he was drunk. Should she have just stayed because she made a committment? You are so out of touch with reality it's not even funny. You cannot control what someone else does! Your wonderful "partner" can change! People change!

I do think people are marry too quickly these days but you want someone to stay in a miserable marriage "for the kids"? Kids are not stupid and will see through this. They will not be better off this way.

 

[eddie]

Well I didn't read the entire thread, so forgive me if I'm repeating someone else's point of view, but I don't buy the opposite schedules theory.

I got married because I like spending time with my spouse. How dull would my life be if I didn't get to spend any time with my entire family!

I'm really glad only one of us is flying now. This is of course just my opinion.

 

[FlyUnited]

And a good decision that works well for your family. I have always had the luxury of dropping my line completely in the summer and staying home. I've also had the luxury of only working a couple of trips per month during the school year when the kids were in school. If a couple works together as a team, the opposite schedule theory can work very well in that you do get a lot more family time together when you are both home.

I also don't buy into Rez's theory that children should feel like the most important person in the world. I've met these people that believe that about themselves on the planes...it's not a pretty sight. Children, imho, should be taught that they are AN important part of their family and society, that they are not entitled to anything and must work hard to be productive citizens. They should know that they have the priviledge of being an American and should give back to this country for the rights they enjoy.

None of us are 'the most important person in the world' and none of us should teach our children that they are either.

 

[rdy4to]

I'll re-read my posts and consider your critique... I did repsond in haste so you might have a point...

As many pilots in the airlines, my family and I have had career setbacks. A couple of displacements, conecssionary TA's, furloughes, starting over a first year pay a few times...

I am glad my wife is home with the kids. My income pays the house note, food and clothing. My time at home is dedicated to family, kids and "keeping house".

Since I advocate a spouse remain at home (man or woman) I come across as a patriarch or chauvenist (sp). Oh well. Not sure how macho king I am at the house with a vacuum cleaner and toilet brush in hand with meals cooked.. (not at the same time! I do know the difference between a toilet and BBQ grill brush).


Not sure if it would be benifical to my family to re-educate (cost and time) and re-career to a 9-5 job. But not sure that is the issue, because one spouse is at home with the kids.

I guess the question is what is most important asset is ones life? Once you get pass the portfolio, careers, cars, the house, the jewelry, social status, etc it comes down to family. Kids and spouse. But yet we seem to spend most of our time going after the former....

Rez,
It's nice to get a more human picture of you except I really didn't need to see you with a toilet brush.

I guess, my biggest beef with your opinions is that they are so absolute with no give. Your intentions for your kids and the world's kids are in the right place, but remember that life is really good at throwing you a curve ball, I'm sure you know.

There are two pilot marriages where one spouse has quit to rear the kids and the results are mixed. There are two pilot marriages where they both work and again the results can be mixed, but all I can share is what I see. I have two really, really close friends whose lives I see working out just wonderfully. I've lived with another two pilot couple for almost a month saw how much time they spend together as a family. I can give you all the details, but really that could get a bit boring, but I'll try not to.

When it comes to two pilot marriages what type of pilot job and seniority really do make a lot of difference. I've seen my friends get many days off (up to ten during the month, not counting the other days off) together to spend as a family going on trips and hanging at home, probably more than you. Their children are never left with anyone else. But I'll admit that they are very lucky for their seniority and understanding employers. And yes, mom stayed with her infants for over 6 mos straight after birth; yes she breastfed (many airline employers do provide a breast pumping room in order enable moms to continue breastfeeding when they are home); my friend and her husband have the ability to do 3 day trips (gone only 2 nights a week). And she has the better job; benefits, pay, insurance, retirement. They have discussed the fact that if it comes down to it and someone needs to stay home it will be him. His decision since he's regional and she is major. My other friend is the only pilot in her two working parent marriage. She is corporate. While she is gone on some long trips boy does she get so much time at home, sometimes weeks at a time depending on the season. She has actually admited to me that her children actually behave better when she flies more often which isn't that often. (Don't feel the need to challenge this statement, it's her children, that's the way they are).

So all I ask is for you to recognize that maybe some pilot couples know what they are doing with their kids. And maybe they are doing exactly what you want for the world's children just not doing it your way. It's just a suggestion. Think about it.

Also, it seems to me that you don't have that good an opinion of pilots which makes me sad since that translates to the fact that you don't have that good an opinion of yourself in regards to your career. I knew I guy like you who was so disillusioned with this industry and unable to get out and start again that he didn't have much respect for other pilots. Now, I am playing mental health expert. It's just seems this way to me.

 

[rdy4to]

And a good decision that works well for your family. I have always had the luxury of dropping my line completely in the summer and staying home. I've also had the luxury of only working a couple of trips per month during the school year when the kids were in school. If a couple works together as a team, the opposite schedule theory can work very well in that you do get a lot more family time together when you are both home.

I also don't buy into Rez's theory that children should feel like the most important person in the world. I've met these people that believe that about themselves on the planes...it's not a pretty sight. Children, imho, should be taught that they are AN important part of their family and society, that they are not entitled to anything and must work hard to be productive citizens. They should know that they have the priviledge of being an American and should give back to this country for the rights they enjoy.

None of us are 'the most important person in the world' and none of us should teach our children that they are either.

Right on!! I totally agree. That is what I have been trying to say this whole time and your post was much shorter. People like you are people I want to have as role models.

 

[lifeguard]

. Not sure why a parent would intentionally be away when they don't have to....

REZ..You are confusing me. Why are you a pilot?????