Idiotic Radio Calls

[Greg]

These are too good to let slide on the 2nd page. Keep them coming.

 

[Rich Man]

Back to top

I agree, back to the top.

Very good stories, keep 'em coming


Rich!

 

[wanabe_fo]

NY Center

I was around the Elmira area and heard an exchange that went something like this a few years ago.


Piedmont: Piedmont xxxx with you 17 thousand looking for Syracuse.
NY Center: Well it is the town about 150 miles north of your present position.
Piedmont(other voice)laughter in background) Any chance we can go direct
NY Center: Sure but you are going to have to ask nicely
Piedmont(original voice): May we please go direct to Syracuse
NY Center: O....alright, piedmont xxxxdirect Syracuse

Also heard a guy arguing with a NY center controller because he did not want to get re-routed around NY B for his trip to the Boston area. He finally asked the guy if he cancelled IFR if he could resume GPS direct to his destination. The controller said, sure you can cancel and go direct but I doubt NY Approach is going to let you thru the class B as your flight path takes you right thru the arrivals for EWR and departures for JFK. He decided to take his chances and cancelled IFR. Well I happened to be roughly in the same area and was put on NY approach shortly before he was. When he checked on NY Approach denied him access to the B and he ended up going all the way around anyway.

 

[Sandstorm]

Heard just a couple days ago at ORD waiting in line for 22L. Aero Mexico called for taxi from the international ramp. After getting taxi instructions the MD80 started to taxi. It was obvious he started to make a wrong turn when ground came back and shouted "don't turn there aero mexico, thats a road!"

 

[Captain X]

#1 -- An AAL 727 had diverted to into IAH earlier and was now back in line to try and get to DFW. Unfortunately, the same thunderstorms had all northbound departures stopped out of IAH. We were behind the 727:

TWR: "Hey American XXX, they just opened up the north departure gate. Can you be ready in 5 minutes?"

AAL: "Yeah, but we need to crossbleed start an engine so you may wanna tell that Barbie Jet behind us that we're gonna blow 'em around."

TWR: "Roger. Jetlink XXXX did you copy?"

XJT: "Yeah tower, you can tell American he can go ahead and blow me."

#2 -- For those who don't know, the CAL strike took place between 1983-1985. Many strikebreakers (SCABS) crossed the picket line. They are held with much disdain by those who were full time strikers as well as other professional airline pilots industry-wide. Needless to say, some of the "Super-SCABS" -- those that are proud of their past -- can be real a**holes. Our CP was working a flight out to COS. There was a CAL MD-80 (popular equip. for SCABs in the left seat) at a higher altitude going to DIA.

CAL: "Center, can you see if those Express Kids down there have the winds at FL270?"

CTR: "Jetlink XXXX, do you have the winds at FL270?"

XJT: (Miffed at the "Kids" comment) "Yeah center, you can tell 'em that the winds are right in our face at about 83 to 85."

CAL: "Well, that was uncalled for."

XJT: "Hey buddy, so were your actions 18 years ago."

CTR: "Alright fellas....but he does have a good point CAL. Contact Denver center on XXX.X"

 

[captjim]

The MD-80 is more commonly known as the scab 80 at CAL.

 

[ataopsdave]

Newark Approach: "Continental XXXX traffic 10 oclock 3 miles is an american jet"

Continental XXXX: "Newark Approach I have always wanted to say this, I have the Fokker in sight.

____________________________________________________

Clearance Delivery: "Aloha 544 you are cleared to LAX via blah blah blah blah

Aloha 544: "we will do all that you just said"

 

[Freight Dog]

heheh... this happened to me a couple days ago:

Me: Clearance, Aloha XXX to Kahului with X-ray.

Clearance: Aloha XXX, you're clearened to Kahu.. uhh.. Kapolei.. uhh.. whatever.. as filed, climb to XXX, departure on 119.1, squawk xxxx.

Me: Um, OK... We're cleared to whatever as filed.. squawk xxxx.

 

[flipflyr]

back up...

I figure I'd bring this thread back closer to the top...

Just heard on Houston center freq. today (mind you, for all of you who weren't flying around the Gulf Coast today - it sucked - constant light, occasional moderate turbulence [pockets of severe] between 16000 and FL350).

SWA checks on: "Houston, Southwest xxxx, out of 15 for 260. It's so bumpy out here I'm having trouble throwin' the peanuts in my mouth!"

Houston: "Well, Southwest, try putting your hand closer to your mouth next time!"

 

[Stifler's Mom]

ATL Tower telling Aero Mexico to cross 27R after landing on 27L.

When Aero Mexico was taking too long, the tower controller said "Aero Mexico, hurry up and cross 27R, UNDULAY, UNDULAY, UNDULAY"

DAL in ATL asked ATL Approach if there were any smooth ride reports...ATC responed with "a smooth ride reported by a MARTA bus 5 East of the airport."

 

[Swaayze]

Coolio yesterday:

"we'll shout 'em out on 123.45" then (we got the same freq change immediately) "xyz 123 comin' atcha climbing..." and soon thereafter receiving a further climb..."we'll shoot it on up to 270". All in about a 5 minute span. We got a good laugh and envisioned the other pilot in the cockpit shaking his head!



"Yeah, I remember my first airline job."

 

[Skull-One]

I remember riding in the J/S on SWA.

Center: "Southwest 592, how's your ride?"

Captain: "Well, let's just say I've got whitecaps in my coffee!"

Center: "592, roger. Expect lower in two minutes."

 

[Gator1999]

Checking in with Washinton Center:

CTR: "What's a Mesaba anyway?"

MSA:"It's an ancient native american term, it means "should've taken the bus."

 

[thesource]

Delta L-1011 talking to ATL approach a while back.

Delta 123 Heavy slow to 140 knots.

Delta pilot, If we slow to 140 we'll fall out of the sky.

Atl, Roger Delta 123 heavy, report leaving all altitudes.

 

[Av8ter]

I was waiting to take off from LAX a few years ago, when a China Airlines 747 on short final approach was talking to the tower confused on where to land after getting cleared to land on the left runway (24L). I was holding to takeoff on the right 24R,

Twr: China 20 heavy, your cleared to land 24L, winds 200/10 contact ground on such and such

China pilot: Ah roger, China cleared to land 24L, right?

Twr: China 20, thats right!

Well you guessed it, that guy made a sharp turn to the right with his lights flashing on my plane and landed on 24R in front of me.

Scared the hell out of me...