Idiotic Radio Calls

[Ace757]

I was flying down to the keys last week, and I was working with Miami Approach when some UAL pilot went through is whole shpiel about welcome aboard United, yada yada yada. Approach said im not ur cabin, check ur intercom next time

 

[climbhappy]

the clt controler we all love

citationlover,
\
\i believe he was a preachure before ATC......his takeoff clearances had the pitch, pace and rythm of a guy calling a horse race...am i right?

these guys brighten an otherwise mundane eight leg or whatever day....god Bless 'em!

 

[EMB145XR]

Flying into CLE a few years ago we were getting vectored for final into the flight path of a B757. I was just about to key the mic to ask what was going on when approach asked me if I had the 757 in sight. I said "Yes, he's right in front of me, can't miss him." A short pause followed by the controller saying, "well....... please do. You're also cleared for the visual." Anybody who flies into CLE may have heard that controller. He's known for witty phrases and always makes you smile. It's always fun when you've been vectored, slowed, step-descended and then handed off to a new controller. It's great when the "new" controller is this particular guy and his comment is always, "previous controller no factor, normal speed direct to the marker."

 

[great cornholio]

Heres some from my CFI days.
Citation landed and made like the 2nd turn off. Twr "Citation 12345 Now that everyones lunch is against your door taxi to the ramp with me"

On ATIS one day same controller "Remarks hazy all quardrents" (Summer day in the north east)

Cessna 12345 "Twr be advised flock of like 100 birds on final"
Twr "Roger...All aircraft be advised of birds on final"
Cessna 12345 "They are kinda hard to see thru the haze though"
Twr "Roger...Everyone watch out for hazy birds on final"

Twr with stuck mic "wow you guys are gonna be bad tonight...blah blah blah" Few sec later telephone rings " Blah Twr recorded line blah speaking. Yeah this is Blah from xxx FBO just wanted to let you know you have a stuck mic...OH..click"
Aircraft trying to get into class D "Uh tower cessna 12345 sorry to interrupt your phone call but we are inbound over the bends with Echo"

 

[newfo]

Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel.

33W: Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet.

approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls went like this:

Approach: United 5, descend to FL220.

United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.

____________________________________________________

Apparently the loadmaster on a USAF C-130 was invited to take the engineer's seat for awhile. He started jabbering away, not realizing that he was transmitting on Uniform instead of over the ICS.

LM: "Hey, this is great! I see why you engineers like this seat so much -- you can see everything from here! This is just like the starship Enterprise! All ahead, Mr. Sulu, warp factor ten!"

Followed shortly afterward by:

ATC: "You wanna get back on intercom, Captain Kirk? You're transmitting on my frequency!"



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Skull-One]

Heard a B-737 from Southwest once get slam dunked...from WAY up high. After they landed you could hear applause in the background.

TWR: "Southwest 592, Welcome to Earth."

SWA: "Thanks. What's that in the background?"

TWR: "Applause. There was a pool up here on whether or not you'd make it. I think some people won a lot of money."

___________

Same thing happened to us once a long time ago in BNA. TWR asked us if we could make it down from where we were (previous controller left us high).

"Sure we can make it."

When we were on short final....

"Chautauqua Space Shuttle, cleared to land."

It was cool.

_________

In San Antonio there is this chick controller with a really sexy voice. She always embellishes everything and signs off with, "SEE YA LAAAAAAAAATER!" or "GOODAYYYYYYYYYYY!" or "BUH-BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE."

The T-38s out of Randolph are call sign "Scary." She always talks to them with this spooky voice when they check on or off. "Scaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrry 36, contact departure, goodaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy."
_____________



I love these stories folks....keep them coming.

 

[FADECtoBLACK]

South Bend Approach: "Mesaba 3322 contact Kalamazoo approach 119.2"

Mesaba: "Over to the Zoo - 19.2 - Mesaba 3322"

The rhyme flowed so well I swear he had been rehearsing it all morning in anticipation.

 

[B190Captain]

Just remembered another one. I was in training when it happened at Comair Academy in Sanford. We were in the runup area and heard a very interesting conversation.

Pilot in thick Chinese accent: "Cessna 12345 stopfuqingaround."

<Silence>

Controller: "Who was that?"

Pilot: "Cessna 12345 stopfuqingaround!"

Controller: "WHAT?"

Pilot: "Cessna 12345 stop**fuqing**around!"

The instructor quickly jumped on the radio and saved the day.

The poor student was China East Airlines trainee and he was trying to say, "Cessna 12345, Sanford Ground."



It was priceless.........

Were those the same guys that made this transmission?

ATC: "Cessna 12345 Say intentions."

Cessna 12345: "My intention is to become an airline pilot."

 

[T-Gates]

Were those the same guys that made this transmission?

ATC: "Cessna 12345 Say intentions."

Cessna 12345: "My intention is to become an airline pilot."

I know this extreme dork that actually DID say that.......

--03M

 

[Frank Bama]

After a Cessna took off:

Tower: Hey Cessna N### is that a STOL airplane?

Cessna: No, we paid for it.

 

[inthepool]

Heard on Miami approach, from an Airbus behind a 172 at International:

MIA "Northwest 123, traffic ahead is a Cessna doing 110, I need the slowest you can give me on the approach."

NW 123 "Roger sir, Northwest 123 is dropping the anchor"

 

[fletch]

From the archives...

After a long night of driving freight in Texas, heard a metro driver check on with regional approach..Approach asked the guy if he had Dallas Love Field in sight, after a long pause the metro guy responds, "yup..in sight" Approach clears him for the visual approach at DAL, the metro makes a hard right turn, the wrong way, towards DFW, the contoller responds "MetroXXX, YOUR LOOKIN FOR LUV IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES"


I met that controller many years later while non reving he said he had been waiting years to use that line.

Keep em comming!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FL000]

Keep em comming!

This may or may not be a misspelling

 

[fletch]

Ooops?

 

[FL000]

Don't worry, I left the spelling police a long time ago, unless it's relevant to the post. I just thought that one was amusing given the topic.