"Great" cockpit talk..

[Occam's Razor]

This works well for two guys flying together:

Lean over nice and close to the other pilot and say...."Have you heard about the gay pilot at (fill in your airline)". After he responds tell him "Give me a little kiss and I'll tell you who it is".

What if his response is, "You bet!...It's me!"...and he grabs your "stick"?

 

[Salukipilot4590]

What if his response is, "You bet!...It's me!"...and he grabs your "stick"?

Well that just means you lost the game of gay chicken...

...that is if you freak out...which you should...

 

[SkiDawg]

"Sure, turn it on, it's free!"

"Use 'them' if you need 'them'."

"I'll get you some news."

Those are just 3 random I thought of, I'm sure you can add...

D*ckhead CA on the first day of a 4 day: I'm pretty laid back!

 

[inthegoo]

My fav "you gonna eat that?"

 

[T-prop]

"clear on one?"

"clear on one."

"spinnin' one. fuel flow, light off . . . "

"do you know who Peter North is?"

". . . oil pressure. Yes, why?"

"I did that to my girlfriend."

"g___d__mn it Paul!!"

 

[Hoodabundy]

For all you SLC guys

Guy controller to girl pilot, &%#@1993 cleared direct CHUBY (pause) "YES SIR!"

 

[knewhigher]

"eeeeyyyy ramp, usair 123, chuck 4, rrrready to shove it!!!" (spoken in thick southern accent)

gotta love the clt ramp...

 

[awacs941]

Any new ones?

 

[Mesabi Miner]

"O.K. I'm just gonna slow to rough-air speed and hope nothin' comes off."

 

[epic!]

"hey...pull my finger."

 

[Almerick07]

just after a completely rotten fart, start freaking out asking the FO if he smells that "smoke". It should get them sniffing real hard and eventually a good healthy whiff of methane.

 

[OPECJet]

"Welcome aboard foks......" Couldn't believe the captain said that.

Try playing the cat game on the PA too. Works especially well if you have two NJ state cops in the back when you do it. One was laughing so hard he almost fell in he aisle from what the FA said.

My favorite.. "So and so is in the back with you today. I went to the pound yesterday to get ya'll a golden retreiver to play with on the way to Charlotte, but she followed me home instead.." Had a passenger yell at me about that one.

 

[EMB170Pilot]

Capt: If you were to go camping and woke up with your pants around your ankles, would you tell anyone?

FO: no

Capt: Want to go camping?

Had someone tell me that last month and I laughed for a long time. Definetly broke the ice!

 

[Av8tor]

Flaps up gear up.......Shut up!

Windshield heat, Pitot heat.......Let's eat!

 

[OK Bud!]

"Want some root beer with that float?" (a floated landing)

while floating during landing....

Should I ask for lower?

 

[intooclose]

After landing



"OJ"....(kill 2)

 

[Swaayze]

After landing



"OJ"....(kill 2)

Doesn't work so well anymore. Last week the captain said "let's do an OJ" so I started cursing and yelling, shoved him against the sidewall and then took his Jepps!

 

[say again]

no need to wake me, thats what the gear is for

 

[Q400 Gear Bitch]

to fa:
when I call you do you want two short dings, or a long dong?

 

[atrdriver]

A few months ago I got the push clearance in IAH and the Captain told the tug driver "don't know why, but the ramp guy told me to tell you to shove it." Tug driver didn't miss a beat, said "that's cause I'm bangin' his girlfriend."