"Great" cockpit talk..

[Flyby1206]

*Autopilot off* Ok, motion is on
*Autopilot off* Squawk 7700, Roll the trucks
*Autopilot off* Hold my beer and watch this

"Whats it doing now?"
"Hey hey, save the snap rolls for the airshow" (Erj autopilot sucks)
(At about 50ft AGL) "You ready for the gear?"

 

[pilotpat]

I've never seen that light before...

to ATC: Umm...whatcha painting out in front of us? (as it gets progressively darker inside)

 

[Grey Ghost]

While doing the flight control check: Knees, nuts, tits, and slit! Watch your sack, cause I'm coming back!

 

[IHateDaley]

While doing the flight control check: Knees, nuts, tits, and slit! Watch your sack, cause I'm coming back!

Or to a female captain: "watch the hole, here comes the pole."

 

[pgcfii2002]

Repeat after me...gear up, gear down...gear up...gear down.

 

[pilotpat]

Just sit there and clap your hands so I know you aren't touching anything.

 

[COOPERVANE]

"V1"....."VR"....."Oh my god what the hell is that thing!!! It's disc shaped and brightly illuminated!!!!"

 

[CA1900]

"I'm sure the smell will dissipate once we get the air going."

 

[DrewBlows]

*Autopilot off* Ok, motion is on
*Autopilot off* Squawk 7700, Roll the trucks
*Autopilot off* Hold my beer and watch this

*Autopilot off* "BRACE, BRACE, BRACE!"

 

[pgcfii2002]

"Did you eat Taco Bell for lunch?"

 

[Mr Wu]

"Aaaaaaaand, he's current!" - bouncer.

 

[thebest]

I like starting out my day with, "and if you touch anything over here, you'll draw back a bloody stump." It always seems to break the ice with new guys.

THAT ONE IS AWSOME! I LOVE THAT. YOU MUST REALLY BREAK THE ICE WITH THAT, HUH!

 

[SLFLYHI]

ATC: "Aircraft in front of you reports small animals, possibly prairie dogs, on the runway"

Me: "Roger, I'll call catering."

 

[pdub20s]

"Want some root beer with that float?" (a floated landing)

 

[The Drizzle]

(Erj autopilot sucks)

"Wrong way fukc head!"

 

[Quack]

"Where the hell is my USA Today?"

 

[sitbackrelax]

"Are we cleared to land?"
"How 'bout an approach checklist?" (before landing)

 

[lindsaya99]

"Ummm, Do we need to fill out an ASAP report for that?"

 

[pilotpat]

Was that for us?

 

[FlySacto]

"Watch your sack, I'm coming back."

Roger, knees and nuts.