Diarrhea in a freighter?

[skypine69]

I was nonreving out of BKK awhile back and sitting in Biz when I had to let go something fierce. Now, I did not want to offend the high class people sitting around me of course, so i went to the very back of coach and let fly. It was rather stinky...for the cattle class people. Then made my way forward to the civilized (and non-smelly) section and enjoyed the rest of my flight.

 

[TWA]

Dustin the crops in cattle class, nice.

 

[willbob]

[

I do have a close relative that has the joy of an ostomy bag. His 'little friend' makes all sorts of fun noises without warning and without any control. He enjoys a serious business meeting when there's a period of silence "whistle tweet tweet". The only thing he can do is put his hand on the vent and make it into a little tune. There's also the blow-outs and leaky seals that create the "***** dog" effect whilst shaking one's legs. The disposable bags do close nicely, stick an address label on them and mail 'em to former friends, lovers, and bosses.



That is the funniest thing i've read in a long time-well done

 

[g-code]

This comes a frieght outfit overnighting in Turkey, the FE and Capt had the same thing for dinner. the next day, they had a flight to somewhere in Africa then upto Leige, Belgium. On the trip to Leige it hit them both. the each had a garbage bag to puke in and took turns on the john. when they landed they somehow got to the hotel where a doctor was waiting for them. they were stuck there for four days so sick that they couldn't even commercial out.

I had food poisoning so bad in Medellin, Colombia, one time that I was laid up wishing I was dead. Sitting on the toilet with a trash can in between your legs so you can evacuate through both nozzles simultaneously sucks.

bump...

 

[svcta]

Picture it: Texas, summer, 2004. A lone pilot in an empty 310 heads for home from a week on the road. I was on my way back to W. Tx. (ELP) from Ohio or something and had a fuel stop in W. Memphis, Arkansas. Crew car to the local Subway found me destroying a foot-long chicken teryaki sub with a super large Mug root beer. It should be noted that I rarely drink sodas or sweet drinks. So my insides sometimes don't deal well with enormous amounts of sugar. Alas, I was still learning this lesson.

Having found my way back to the airport I probably took a leak and a breath of the hot summer air and mounted up for Gainesville, Tx, another regular fuel stop because it was the last cheap fuel before civilization got left behind for the hundreds of miles of West Texas nothingness until 'home'. I was in cruise at around 10K feet when the first pangs of discomfort hit me. You know that bubbling that starts in the top of your stomach and then shoots at about .78 straight down to just behind your testicles. That's never good, but with probably only a couple hundred miles to go I wasn't too worried. You see, for some time I have prided myself on my ability, much like a reverse camel, to contain my fluids as soon as my seatbelt clicks for impressive lengths of time. Sort of a very continent Jedi mind trick that I had perfected.

A short time later, solid clouds but a resonably smooth ride, the next wave of attacks came from within. There was a very upset chicken teryiaki waging battle for control of my colon and it was fueled by all the rage of a abnormaly large cup full of high-fructose corn syrup and sugar. At the time I thought it was just a sandwich and root beer but as the drama unfolded in my body I could see the facts about all the characters involved in this drama.

General Teryaki was making a move on the lower intestine like Erwin Rommel through North Africa when I realized that I simply wasn't going to make it. It has been said and I can attest to the cold and windy lonliness of the precise moment when you start looking for places to blow.

Me, I found a plastic grocery bag. It was the one and only option. I don't even know what it was doing in the airplane. Lucky, I guess. So, I'm alone in an empty 310 with no back seats. I told Center that I would be off the freq. for a bit and would call them back up. I rolled in a little nose down trim to help the AP keep up with weight shift as a made my way into the back. Friends, I don't need to go in to the details of what happened at this exact moment on that day but believe me when I say it has to be one of the most awful things that has ever happened in the skies over Northeast Texas and I am only a man. My memory of the details of the event are spotty from this point. I don't really remember how I cleaned up and I think I must have passed out for about 2 or 3 minutes, or maybe I just don't want to remember what occured.

I made it to Gainesville. Landed and placed a bag full of pure evil in the trashcan by the self-serve pumps on a very hot summer day. I tried to tie it up tightly but I fear sometimes on more quiet nights that something made it out of that bag. I have visions of Night of the Living Dead where the barrels of toxic gas spill out across the graveyard and dead people crawl from out of the ground.

Stay out of Gainesville, Texas, people. Why take a chance?

 

[belchfire]

Comedy is when someone else turns their freighter into an open sewer!

 

[Sandhawk]

Comedy is when someone else turns their freighter into an open sewer!

:laugh:

 

[Princedietrich]

Someone should submit this thread to the Bathroom Readers' Institute for publication

:laugh:

 

[Frank Towns]

I never thought almost 5 years ago when I started this that this thread would still kick this much butt.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

I never thought almost 5 years ago when I started this that this thread would still kick this much butt.

You're a legend for startin this thread. I've enjoyed many laughs reading through! :beer:

 

[Birddog]

Comedy is when someone else turns their freighter into an open sewer!

And tragedy is when you are the one turning it into an open sewer.

 

[Princedietrich]

Irony is when you're hauling that load of rubber dog crap out of Hong Kong when it happens

 

[Juan Trippe]

This thread stinks!

 

[belchfire]

Irony is when you're hauling that load of rubber dog crap out of Hong Kong when it happens

Ya gotta be shi++ing me!!!

Well...

there was a Captain who commented on the "disgusting shotgun spatter of mud" that our somewhat deficient supply of blue goo failed to remove from the nearly antique stainless steel of the bowl of our aging potty after I had to make a quick trip to the lav...thank God for lavs-even deficient ones! Perhaps it was that the Chinese made Thai food rebelled, or maybe something from the buffet breakfast in VHHH!

Sadly though I cannot confirm that there was any rubber dog crap amongst the cargo...

 

[ePilot22]

I had an experience one time when I was flying checks... I just remember thinking that I should hit the bathroom (before takeoff) as there was a little pressure opposing my o-ring. I decided, because I was a good employee , that getting there ASAP was better. So I left for the 1 hour flight and about 25 minutes into it, the "TREMORS" started... went away after 5 min, came back a few minutes later and lasted @ 7 min... etc. They kept getting worse. I nearly punched a grumpy in my pants on short final! I never taxied and parked so fast in my whole career. I had a friend who was less fortunate... He had the same problem and thought he was gonna make it. He then decided to make an unschedualed landing enroute and had a blowout on final. He went to the bathroom and cleeaned up his mess, but everyone on the ramp new what happened, because he made such a big mess in his pants (he was wearing Khaki shorts!). Anyhow, his name is... just kidding hahaha! True story though.

Thread dump, correction, bump!








eP.

 

[belchfire]

bump!

 

[belchfire]

Once the bowls have been irritated-something that they don't like, too much really good beer, too much cheap beer, that favorite Thai dish being several orders of magnitude more caustic than last time you had it (how do they do that?), e-coli, salmonella or whatever, it can take several days for them to settle back down even after the offending agent has been purged.

While you can take things to plug yourself up-your old bod is really trying to divest itself of poison of some sort. Best thing to do is eat mild things (white rice and bananas, egg drop soup), avoid roughage (salad, raisin bran, lutefisk uke Hot foods (buffalo hot wings, Thai pork with basil and chili, jalopenos, habeneros and serranos-these are some of my favorite things), push fluids and recoup for a day or two...

So I was the first one to become a victim of (we've concluded) the bad truckload of chicken...for more victims came later and we'd all had supper at a different restaurant for the second wave!

So some months ago I'm at on of the local restaurants in one of our regular stops in the Persian Gulf. I had the chicken...poor choice! But we had two days and I feeling much better-except for having to $hit exactly twenty three minutes after eating anything...and with a lav even the 12 hour flight was not going to be a problem.

Thing is we got back stateside and I forgot that first little bit about avoiding roughage. If your intestines have been insulted, avoid all you can eat salad bars! I couldn't believe I was so stupid...ah well, I'd live. Lord pity the maid that cleaned my much abused sanitary fixture, but I was recovering...

But we're blasting off again for another 12 hour flight. I'm okay, feeling pretty damned good really-just that there's some kind of short cut in the normal time for food processing. We hit the deck in the sandbox running...it's party time!

I'm told of this wonderful restaurant that cooks their food over charcoal. Many have eaten there, it's a company favorite so to speak. I'm thinking that's good, nothing survives being grilled!

Not True!

So the three of us wait for the egregious heat and humidity of the day to abate a few hours after nightfall and then we wander off through the sandy streets to the great charcoal grill of legend!

I opt for a small portion of chicken kabap and some rice as I'm really not up to eating half a chicken like the rest of the crew...

Especially half a chicken that must have been sitting out in the 120 degree sun in some sort of a unairconditioned delivery van or mishandled in some other way.

My colleagues suffered miserable torment throughout the night and much of the following layover day...cold and hot sweats, violent purging from both ends and suchlike. A complete waste of a day off! It's hard to enjoy a well deserved beverage when you're feeling like that!

I wasn't sick though...you see, that damned chicken wasn't in me for 23 minutes anyway! I still had the $hits from the last trip and the dang salad bar!

I understand that no one has returned to the great charcoal grill of legend though...I'm sure all that chicken is gone by now!

And still, there was the lav in our trusty aeroplane! A real lav mind you, not a portapotty!

 

[epic!]

Just read all 478 posts (its been a slow few days). anyone have a link to that F-15 audio clip? the link a few pages back doesnt work anymore.

 

[ChinaClipper]

Ahhhh, the good old days....

An Oragami Toilet, made from a USA Today, European addition, in the back of a DC-7CF brings back found memories. Nothing like the purr of R3350's Turbo Compounds encouraging gastro-intestinal purging......BTW Helpful Aviator Tip #123; Mussels should NEVER BE EATEN on the road..... The old bird had NOTHING in back but green coffee beans....I often wonder if the end product had any aromatic additions not acquired from the sol of Ethiopia??

 

[ATRCAPT]

32 pages of poop stories. That has to be some sort of twisted record.