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Diarrhea in a freighter?
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Jetdriver69
High Speed, Low Drag
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This one didn't involve a freighter, but is d*mn funny. During USAF flight school, a fellow student was flying the T-38 solo in the practice area when the urge to purge over took him. He declared an emergency, lit the afterburners and almost went mach trying to get back to base before fouling his g suit. They cleared all the traffic around him for a high speed ILS and a quick sprint to the john. He made it without incident until he realized that he shat about five pounds of duke down the sleeve of his flight suit. He was known as SH*T HOT around the a squadron after that one.
The statue of limitations has expired, so while the actual event occurred on a pax liner, it was caused by a meal on a freighter.
There is something rather satisfying about being on a paid ticket on a pax liner and utterly destroying the lav. So much so that after your crop dusting and brown painting, the F/A comes back and empties a can of "smell nice" in there which only adds a fruity essence to the stench of a thousand dead.
Alas, the F/A's countermeasures ran out too quickly as the storm wasn't done wrecking havoc on the intestinal system. The gasket held 'til ten, then pulled a Deepwater Horizon. Unfortunately for the cattle, the lav hadn't been serviced in base and after only a few flushes, the blue juice wasn't blue, the sins of a food service worker now to be enjoyed by all. I wasn't really sure, too busy dealing with the leaks to verify, but I thought the placards were peeling.
The F/A and last four rows were in tears despite the outflow valves being in front. The flight crew must have caught a whiff and gone into lockdown. The gate agent was knocked off her feet by the brown cloud as she opened the door. The F/A made an announcement requesting all pull down their window shades and open their overhead vents, as if the vents weren't already open.
To minimize the strain on the seals and prevent death threats from the dry cleaners, I'd repositioned inflight to the last row, thus I was the last cattle off the flight. The F/A had stood outside the plane to give the pax their farewell greeting. Three pounds lighter, I met her teary accusatory stare with a shrug, "crew meal."
There is something rather satisfying about being on a paid ticket on a pax liner and utterly destroying the lav. So much so that after your crop dusting and brown painting, the F/A comes back and empties a can of "smell nice" in there which only adds a fruity essence to the stench of a thousand dead.
Alas, the F/A's countermeasures ran out too quickly as the storm wasn't done wrecking havoc on the intestinal system. The gasket held 'til ten, then pulled a Deepwater Horizon. Unfortunately for the cattle, the lav hadn't been serviced in base and after only a few flushes, the blue juice wasn't blue, the sins of a food service worker now to be enjoyed by all. I wasn't really sure, too busy dealing with the leaks to verify, but I thought the placards were peeling.
The F/A and last four rows were in tears despite the outflow valves being in front. The flight crew must have caught a whiff and gone into lockdown. The gate agent was knocked off her feet by the brown cloud as she opened the door. The F/A made an announcement requesting all pull down their window shades and open their overhead vents, as if the vents weren't already open.
To minimize the strain on the seals and prevent death threats from the dry cleaners, I'd repositioned inflight to the last row, thus I was the last cattle off the flight. The F/A had stood outside the plane to give the pax their farewell greeting. Three pounds lighter, I met her teary accusatory stare with a shrug, "crew meal."
onewithwings
Well-known member
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- Jun 3, 2006
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- 776
Most just walk to the bottom of the ladder to smoke and then go back upstairs. (O2 bottle optional)
Last edited:
lowtimedriver
Marmott Stalker
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weasel_lips
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- Jan 21, 2006
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landlover
Well-known member
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- Sep 1, 2005
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oh man!! finally mad it to the hotel after vomiting from my a$$ for 3 legs in to plastic laundry bags from various hotels. thank god and everything else holy we had them. also special thanks to MX for leaving a roll of paper towels in the airplane (extremely unusual). it must have been the jumbalaya i ate in kshv. on the first leg we had a box of new charts, so i dumped them onto the diamond plate and damn near had a blow out on the "#2 cylinder" before i dropped my trousers. upon arrival the line guy wanted to help out with the trash and normally i would have said don't worry about it and found the dumpster myself but I felt the 2nd wave coming on. i handed him the box and said don't turn this upside down and ran inside and prayed to the porcelain gods. repeat twice more but i used the usatoday to disguise my "special" delivery. well i'm relaxing now sipping the pepto and hoping this too shall pass!
Amish RakeFight
Registered Loser
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2005
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- 8,006
One of my favorite places to eat. You'll have to excuse me as I'm a Northerner and really dig on that unhealthy Southern food.
Oh, and those cute little IQ games they leave on the table. Marvelous fun.
Anyone ever forget to pay their bill whilst browsing through the gift shop?
belchfire
unpredictable member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2003
- Posts
- 27,769
Nope...my wife always seems to have an armload of other stuff to pay for but I've never heard of Cracker Barrel giving anyone the shizzling drits!
Flimsy yankee constitutions I guess!
:laugh:
Now there is something in some of the Indian food out side the states that will tear me up once and a while. Or maybe it's just dysentery...
Amish RakeFight
Registered Loser
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- Dec 28, 2005
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Nah, weasel_lips has the toilet issue. I'm fine with it. I really enjoy the food they serve there. I'll agree with the fire Indian produces, though. You pay the penalty for the unique blend of spices!
Tristar
..one in the wilderness
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2004
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- 352
You say dysentery, I say cleansing. One gorilla, two gorilla - what's the difference?
belchfire
unpredictable member
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- Sep 2, 2003
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Sorry, it's the defective quoting function when there is another quote in the post quoted...
diarrhea of the forum I guess!
:laugh:
belchfire
unpredictable member
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woutlaw
Well-known member
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- Apr 14, 2006
- Posts
- 85
Keeping poop alive
I just re-read this thread of legend and thought I'd add something to keep it running.
My own experience with said trauma involves an ill-informed decision to grab dinner at White Castle in between legs one winter night. It was a rookie mistake, confirmed perhaps 90 minutes later by the realization while climbing out of Fargo that I was in serious trouble.
Panic began to set in as I leveled off and I realized that the normally short flight down to Aberdeen, where I was set to overnight, was going to be too long for the festering mess in my gut.
The only airport of note between FAR and ABR is in Gwinner, ND and I had never been there before. It being night and Gwinner being a small town I wasn't sure if the FBO was unlocked, or even if there was an FBO.
I was still fairly new to the company, had freight on board and didn't want to explain to ATC or my bosses why I cancelled and diverted into Gwinner, so I made the decision to tough it out, continue to Aberdeen and hope for the best.
I firewalled the 310s throttles in hopes of shaving off a few minutes and came screaming into Aberdeen, only to find the place locked up tighter than a drum.
By now, I was feeling slightly better so I unloaded and caught a ride to the hotel with the courier. Bad move.
It's only a 5-minute drive to the hotel but my relief lasted perhaps 3.
I manged to check in with sweat pouring off of me, realized I'd never make it to my room and ducked into the lobby restroom, which I promptly rendered toxic. I got to my room before round two hit and I eventually passed out, gut empty and totally dehydrated.
A few months later I confessed my sins to our director of operations who laughed, then related several stories of other company pilots stricken with similar emergencies.
Turns out virtually every pilot at the company has, at one time or another, diverted in the middle of a flight to attend to their rectal emergencies.
Our chief pilot, it seems, has a particularly sensitive stomach and is legendary for in-flight dumps. Since there is obviously nothing even remotely resembling a bathroom on a 310 or Caravan he's been forced to improvise.
Luckily for him, each of our airplanes is equipped with a "flight kit," which is basically a copy of our operations manual and other assorted items stored in a Tupperware container. They've long since lost count, but it's not unusual for the next pilot to get out to the airplane only to find the flight kit contents strewn across the floor and the container itself missing, having been pushed into duty as an emergency toilet the night before.
In one instance of particular legend our heroic chief pilot was fighting yet another bout of the squirts that unfortunately struck while on approach into Rochester one night. Talk about yet so close but oh so far.
He managed to complete the approach but once on the ground realized the gig was up so he stopped on a taxiway, left the engine running, feathered the prop, set the parking brake on the 'van and ran for the weeds to do the deed.
God, I love freight.
I just re-read this thread of legend and thought I'd add something to keep it running.
My own experience with said trauma involves an ill-informed decision to grab dinner at White Castle in between legs one winter night. It was a rookie mistake, confirmed perhaps 90 minutes later by the realization while climbing out of Fargo that I was in serious trouble.
Panic began to set in as I leveled off and I realized that the normally short flight down to Aberdeen, where I was set to overnight, was going to be too long for the festering mess in my gut.
The only airport of note between FAR and ABR is in Gwinner, ND and I had never been there before. It being night and Gwinner being a small town I wasn't sure if the FBO was unlocked, or even if there was an FBO.
I was still fairly new to the company, had freight on board and didn't want to explain to ATC or my bosses why I cancelled and diverted into Gwinner, so I made the decision to tough it out, continue to Aberdeen and hope for the best.
I firewalled the 310s throttles in hopes of shaving off a few minutes and came screaming into Aberdeen, only to find the place locked up tighter than a drum.
By now, I was feeling slightly better so I unloaded and caught a ride to the hotel with the courier. Bad move.
It's only a 5-minute drive to the hotel but my relief lasted perhaps 3.
I manged to check in with sweat pouring off of me, realized I'd never make it to my room and ducked into the lobby restroom, which I promptly rendered toxic. I got to my room before round two hit and I eventually passed out, gut empty and totally dehydrated.
A few months later I confessed my sins to our director of operations who laughed, then related several stories of other company pilots stricken with similar emergencies.
Turns out virtually every pilot at the company has, at one time or another, diverted in the middle of a flight to attend to their rectal emergencies.
Our chief pilot, it seems, has a particularly sensitive stomach and is legendary for in-flight dumps. Since there is obviously nothing even remotely resembling a bathroom on a 310 or Caravan he's been forced to improvise.
Luckily for him, each of our airplanes is equipped with a "flight kit," which is basically a copy of our operations manual and other assorted items stored in a Tupperware container. They've long since lost count, but it's not unusual for the next pilot to get out to the airplane only to find the flight kit contents strewn across the floor and the container itself missing, having been pushed into duty as an emergency toilet the night before.
In one instance of particular legend our heroic chief pilot was fighting yet another bout of the squirts that unfortunately struck while on approach into Rochester one night. Talk about yet so close but oh so far.
He managed to complete the approach but once on the ground realized the gig was up so he stopped on a taxiway, left the engine running, feathered the prop, set the parking brake on the 'van and ran for the weeds to do the deed.
God, I love freight.
brokeflyer
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2005
- Posts
- 2,374
BS flag just got erected and lit.
woutlaw
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2006
- Posts
- 85
Ah, now I remember why I stopped hanging out on FI years ago.
Anyhow, I've heard the story directly from the source and, knowing him, believe it. YMMV.
dustrpilot
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2007
- Posts
- 567
I don't know, I could see it happening, especially at night. I've done the the same thing in a spray plane except it was a dirt airstrip beside a highway.
The prop was feathered and the plane was still rolling when I bailed out of it!
Captain Morgan
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 3, 2004
- Posts
- 1,279
Oh ********************, you have angered the rectal Gods. May they have mercy on your anus.
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