Diarrhea in a freighter?

[skypine69]

I was nonreving out of BKK awhile back and sitting in Biz when I had to let go something fierce. Now, I did not want to offend the high class people sitting around me of course, so i went to the very back of coach and let fly. It was rather stinky...for the cattle class people. Then made my way forward to the civilized (and non-smelly) section and enjoyed the rest of my flight.

 

[TWA]

Dustin the crops in cattle class, nice.

 

[willbob]

[

I do have a close relative that has the joy of an ostomy bag. His 'little friend' makes all sorts of fun noises without warning and without any control. He enjoys a serious business meeting when there's a period of silence "whistle tweet tweet". The only thing he can do is put his hand on the vent and make it into a little tune. There's also the blow-outs and leaky seals that create the "***** dog" effect whilst shaking one's legs. The disposable bags do close nicely, stick an address label on them and mail 'em to former friends, lovers, and bosses.



That is the funniest thing i've read in a long time-well done

 

[g-code]

This comes a frieght outfit overnighting in Turkey, the FE and Capt had the same thing for dinner. the next day, they had a flight to somewhere in Africa then upto Leige, Belgium. On the trip to Leige it hit them both. the each had a garbage bag to puke in and took turns on the john. when they landed they somehow got to the hotel where a doctor was waiting for them. they were stuck there for four days so sick that they couldn't even commercial out.

I had food poisoning so bad in Medellin, Colombia, one time that I was laid up wishing I was dead. Sitting on the toilet with a trash can in between your legs so you can evacuate through both nozzles simultaneously sucks.

bump...

 

[svcta]

Picture it: Texas, summer, 2004. A lone pilot in an empty 310 heads for home from a week on the road. I was on my way back to W. Tx. (ELP) from Ohio or something and had a fuel stop in W. Memphis, Arkansas. Crew car to the local Subway found me destroying a foot-long chicken teryaki sub with a super large Mug root beer. It should be noted that I rarely drink sodas or sweet drinks. So my insides sometimes don't deal well with enormous amounts of sugar. Alas, I was still learning this lesson.

Having found my way back to the airport I probably took a leak and a breath of the hot summer air and mounted up for Gainesville, Tx, another regular fuel stop because it was the last cheap fuel before civilization got left behind for the hundreds of miles of West Texas nothingness until 'home'. I was in cruise at around 10K feet when the first pangs of discomfort hit me. You know that bubbling that starts in the top of your stomach and then shoots at about .78 straight down to just behind your testicles. That's never good, but with probably only a couple hundred miles to go I wasn't too worried. You see, for some time I have prided myself on my ability, much like a reverse camel, to contain my fluids as soon as my seatbelt clicks for impressive lengths of time. Sort of a very continent Jedi mind trick that I had perfected.

A short time later, solid clouds but a resonably smooth ride, the next wave of attacks came from within. There was a very upset chicken teryiaki waging battle for control of my colon and it was fueled by all the rage of a abnormaly large cup full of high-fructose corn syrup and sugar. At the time I thought it was just a sandwich and root beer but as the drama unfolded in my body I could see the facts about all the characters involved in this drama.

General Teryaki was making a move on the lower intestine like Erwin Rommel through North Africa when I realized that I simply wasn't going to make it. It has been said and I can attest to the cold and windy lonliness of the precise moment when you start looking for places to blow.

Me, I found a plastic grocery bag. It was the one and only option. I don't even know what it was doing in the airplane. Lucky, I guess. So, I'm alone in an empty 310 with no back seats. I told Center that I would be off the freq. for a bit and would call them back up. I rolled in a little nose down trim to help the AP keep up with weight shift as a made my way into the back. Friends, I don't need to go in to the details of what happened at this exact moment on that day but believe me when I say it has to be one of the most awful things that has ever happened in the skies over Northeast Texas and I am only a man. My memory of the details of the event are spotty from this point. I don't really remember how I cleaned up and I think I must have passed out for about 2 or 3 minutes, or maybe I just don't want to remember what occured.

I made it to Gainesville. Landed and placed a bag full of pure evil in the trashcan by the self-serve pumps on a very hot summer day. I tried to tie it up tightly but I fear sometimes on more quiet nights that something made it out of that bag. I have visions of Night of the Living Dead where the barrels of toxic gas spill out across the graveyard and dead people crawl from out of the ground.

Stay out of Gainesville, Texas, people. Why take a chance?

 

[belchfire]

Comedy is when someone else turns their freighter into an open sewer!

 

[Sandhawk]

Comedy is when someone else turns their freighter into an open sewer!

:laugh:

 

[Princedietrich]

Someone should submit this thread to the Bathroom Readers' Institute for publication

:laugh:

 

[Frank Towns]

I never thought almost 5 years ago when I started this that this thread would still kick this much butt.

 

[Amish RakeFight]

I never thought almost 5 years ago when I started this that this thread would still kick this much butt.

You're a legend for startin this thread. I've enjoyed many laughs reading through! :beer: