Diarrhea in a freighter?

[Texan Driver]

<sigh>
Rest In Peace you fine fine thread....

 

[Sandhawk]

When you're leveling in cruise and you start to feel the ooze..........

 

[av8tor4239]

Back the big brown lincoln out of the garage

 

[JungleJett]

Speaking of $**CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**...this is boo$hit!!

And if it is not, then it is a felony!!

Back in '94 I was flying for a 135 outfit in the Midwest. Got a call at 11pm to fly a body from a morgue in Omaha, NE to DSM, IA in a Piper Navajo. Grabbed some Taco Bell on the way to the airport. Ate in the car on the way, didn't think much about it. Quick pre-flight, the hurse showed-up with a body bag. 3 guys loaded the body in the back, signed some paperwork, and I blasted off headed east to DSM. About 30 mins into the flight, 9000 feet, clear smooth.....all-hell broke loose within my inner bowels. I grimmaced. Shifted from left buttcheek, to right buttcheek, and back and forth, but no-luck. I knew few FBO's in po-dunk Iowa would have facilities open at 1a.m. I put my trusty faith in the autopilot, crawled in back. No one at the controls! Unzipped the body bag. Squatted over the body, a foot on either side of the dead body. Blasted my load.....man that never felt so good. Zipped up the body bag and crawled back up front.
In DSM, I've never heard a bunch of funeral home directors complaint about a body's smell while unloading in all my life. I stayed in the plane because I was laughing my-ass-off so hard.
Blasted off and returned to home base in Omaha. Never told anyone til' today!

 

[getnverted]

A UPS guy told me about an FE that was complaining on the last leg about the perculating. He was telling the van driver to make it snappy cause he had to crappy. Grabbed the first key from the desk and ran to the room. Opened the door, threw his bags down and had an explosive episode with the bathroom door open. As he was sitting there recovering from the loud explosion he noticed a toothbrush on the counter. Turns out there was an old couple laying in bed trying to figure out what had just happened.

 

[fam62c]

When your starting to rotate but you have to deficate.....

When your up at 290 and you know you have to go........



Ahh, toilet humor, is there anyone who doesn't love it?

 

[Texan Driver]

A UPS guy told me about an FE that was complaining on the last leg about the perculating. He was telling the van driver to make it snappy cause he had to crappy. Grabbed the first key from the desk and ran to the room. Opened the door, threw his bags down and had an explosive episode with the bathroom door open. As he was sitting there recovering from the loud explosion he noticed a toothbrush on the counter. Turns out there was an old couple laying in bed trying to figure out what had just happened.

LOL....that reminds me of when I was at a hotel, in the bathroom with the door open (I was the only one there), letting some boneless brown trout free and the maid walked in. She left in a hurry.

 

[sqwkvfr]

.....

 

[Ted Striker]

When I was a commercial student, my instructor has to take a serious leak over MS. He jumps in the back of the plane and finds an empty quart oil bottle. Whips out the leatherman, cuts the neck off and starts relieving himself. Just like in Dumb and Dumber, he realizes he is going to fill it up (you can't stop once you start Lloyd, it stings!). In mid-pee, he finds another empty oil quart and starts trimming the neck, makes the successful transfer and fills that one about halfway. Now he has to sit there and hold a quart and a half of pee. I was laughing so hard, I almost sharted!! I was nervous that he was going to stab his member with the knife and bleed to death in the back of the Seminole!

When I was a newhire E-120 first officer, we came out of BPT early in the morning. Something about the Brasilia and the vibration of the props would always funk up my stomach if I wasn't careful. Well, ASA was genius enough to put the lav right behind the f/o's seat. Full plane, hot flight attendant (sitting next to the crapper no less) and I am wiggling like a crackhead in the front. Finally, I can find no more comfortable positions, so I head for the lav. The whole time I am wondering how in the he!! am I going to do this without destroying the whole cabin? Once I sat down, I just started flushing and kept flushing until I was done. This went on for about five minutes and I am waiting for the lav motor to burst into flames. I came out and no one was the wiser....except that I had been in there so long. Good stuff.

 

[hawkerjet]

happened to me while i was flying checks out of EAU. on my last leg i couldn't hold it anymore and there was no place to land so i let loose in my drawers. when i arrived at base, i told line service that i would take care of the plane and put it away. i slithered out the side door (C310) and made it into the fbo bathroom. i cleaned myself up and threw my skivvies into the trash and put the plane away.