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Diarrhea in a freighter?

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They say it will never happen but it did...was flying for a regional years ago. going through some marital strife. had a huge fight the morning of day one . went riding on my bike about 15 miles. came home and made a big ol plate of fried eggs and potatoes. Got to work and my bud offers to buy me a huge mocha latta from cinnibon. i drain it and he offers me his, says he doesn't want it. but I have been dehydrated so I gulped it down. about 64oz of a an iced coffeee drink

noticed some stomach pains landing on the first leg. tried to go in the terminal, but couldn't. coming into the hub started having sharp pains in the lower abdomen. NO..NO...Please no. i've had this feeling before, but only in a car. you can pull over, though.

on the visual, i felt my ability to hold my bowels shut slowly drifting away. a couple of relief farts, but the pain would come n go. you know it will leave for a minutes and you're thinking, i'll make it. then it returns with a vengeance...

on short final as we crossed over the numbers, the depth chrage in my pants went off. (ever watch the show, mchales navy, and see a depth charge go off)

my eyes just opened like Buckwheat's when he saw ghosts, and my pants filled up with a california mud slide. thought it was over ...it wasn't ..that was round one. trying to call ground with a levee that broke in your pants was a challenge.taxiing on to the ramp the big one came. the damn broke. ... pants just full of crap like someone else decided to open the valve in my butt , but (excuse the grammar) without my permission.... what a feeling. when we parked i told my friend to get the rampers, some air fresheners and ten rolls of towels. wet them down. it took me thirty minutes and five rolls of shop wipes just to get it out of my pants, then I had to clean my pants. never mind the nausea from this whole thing ..... we had a short turn to the overnight and the plane stunk so bad we did an aircraft swap.

i managed to get my pants, thankfully polyester wets down pretty good , soaked and somewhat crap free. at the hotel i tub soaked them and washed them. i was so exausted. it is a totally humbling experience when in this capacity, you totallly lose all physiological control of your self and find yoursefl in world of $hit.
 
Going down the airway,
Making decimal eighty-four,
My F/O got the squirts
And it blew me out the door!
The F/A tossed her cookies,
The winglets fell apart,
All because of my F/O's
Supersonic shart!
 
I sent this to my wife a couple of years ago; she laughed for about 15 minutes straight.

"Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to fart, but only sharted
My colon is now drained
And my skivvies are now stained."
 
I once shat in a bag filled with 10 million worth of checks. I couldn't wait long enough to take them out. It was a long flight in the props and I had to do what I had to do in order to "deliver time".
The worst when when I had to hand the bag over..I forget to tie it up and it spilled all over the delivery guys shoes.

Good thing it was a quick turn for me. The poor guy had to pick up all of the checks, leaving me the victor.

If you like tird jokes, here's a good fr8dog practical joke to play on someone...

Take a cliff bar and shape it into a tird. The thing looks just like the real thing. Then, loosely wrap it in t.p. and place it where it'll be noticed.

The story behing the joke was that my co-pilot thought he was some avid health nut. He then decided to replace my breakfast bars with cliff bars.
After I showed him what they really looked like, I don't think he ever ate one again.
 
realmanofgenius said:
They say it will never happen but it did...was flying for a regional years ago. going through some marital strife. had a huge fight the morning of day one . went riding on my bike about 15 miles. came home and made a big ol plate of fried eggs and potatoes. Got to work and my bud offers to buy me a huge mocha latta from cinnibon. i drain it and he offers me his, says he doesn't want it. but I have been dehydrated so I gulped it down. about 64oz of a an iced coffeee drink

noticed some stomach pains landing on the first leg. tried to go in the terminal, but couldn't. coming into the hub started having sharp pains in the lower abdomen. NO..NO...Please no. i've had this feeling before, but only in a car. you can pull over, though.

on the visual, i felt my ability to hold my bowels shut slowly drifting away. a couple of relief farts, but the pain would come n go. you know it will leave for a minutes and you're thinking, i'll make it. then it returns with a vengeance...
Click to expand...

This is called "TREMORS!"

realmanofgenius said:
on short final as we crossed over the numbers, the depth chrage in my pants went off. (ever watch the show, mchales navy, and see a depth charge go off)

my eyes just opened like Buckwheat's when he saw ghosts, and my pants filled up with a california mud slide. thought it was over ...it wasn't ..that was round one. trying to call ground with a levee that broke in your pants was a challenge.taxiing on to the ramp the big one came. the damn broke. ... pants just full of crap like someone else decided to open the valve in my butt , but (excuse the grammar) without my permission.... what a feeling. when we parked i told my friend to get the rampers, some air fresheners and ten rolls of towels. wet them down. it took me thirty minutes and five rolls of shop wipes just to get it out of my pants, then I had to clean my pants. never mind the nausea from this whole thing ..... we had a short turn to the overnight and the plane stunk so bad we did an aircraft swap.

i managed to get my pants, thankfully polyester wets down pretty good , soaked and somewhat crap free. at the hotel i tub soaked them and washed them. i was so exausted. it is a totally humbling experience when in this capacity, you totallly lose all physiological control of your self and find yoursefl in world of $hit.
Click to expand...

This is one of the funniest stories I have ever read!
 
Rokit88 said:
Enhoy this story of pain with beautiful words like:

Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat
Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom
down by my feet.

http://forums.audiworld.com/s4/msgs/810724.phtml
Click to expand...

Ironically, I nearly $h@t myself while reading this one! WOW!
 
Gentlemen, thank you for all the good stories. On those long flights don't be bashful about taking a Top of D dump-the seat cushion you save may be your own!
 
Do you guys realize this thread was started in Dec of '04? That's a little over 4 years worth of poop stories!
 
Not Cargo but a good story

I have a few of these stories, but this one is pretty good: Regional airline on an ATR-72 and we're on a short 30 minute flight. Dude I'm with is kinda quiet in his seat and finally says he has to go, he was worried because it was such a short flight. Anyway, I said hey, if you gotta go, go ahead. So, this is post 9/11, so he calls the FA and then quickly disappears. The ATR has a forward cargo area, so in the cabin, the door you are looking at is actually to the cargo area which goes several feet to the new bank vault cockpit door. At the time, the FA's had keys to that first door, you would then wait until they were in the cargo area and you could see them in the peephole to let them in the cockpit. Well, I never see the FA, but wasn't really worried about it, one of them calls up a while later and says "he rushed out so quick and shut the door behind him and neither one of us has our keys". So I said, no problem, call me when he is on his way back up, because he'll have a key. By this time, I'm on the descent, starting to get a little busy. Next thing I know, he calls up on the intercom and says "hey, I don't have a key". So, I start laughing and tell him to come on up. I turn on the overhead speaker, get out of my seat, and then I'm like oh ********************...the front row pax will see both of us standing there when I open the door. Luckily it was nighttime, so, I turn off the cargo bay lights, walk back to the door, look thru the peephole, and he's standing right there and I can see the pax looking at him likes he's crazy, so I crack the door, and run back to the cockpit. He was pretty embarassed.
Anyhow, turned out fine....funny thing was, he wanted to fill out an unusual occurence report....I talked him out of it.
 
jdubya said:
I have a few of these stories, but this one is pretty good: Regional airline on an ATR-72 and we're on a short 30 minute flight. Dude I'm with is kinda quiet in his seat and finally says he has to go, he was worried because it was such a short flight. Anyway, I said hey, if you gotta go, go ahead. So, this is post 9/11, so he calls the FA and then quickly disappears. The ATR has a forward cargo area, so in the cabin, the door you are looking at is actually to the cargo area which goes several feet to the new bank vault cockpit door. At the time, the FA's had keys to that first door, you would then wait until they were in the cargo area and you could see them in the peephole to let them in the cockpit. Well, I never see the FA, but wasn't really worried about it, one of them calls up a while later and says "he rushed out so quick and shut the door behind him and neither one of us has our keys". So I said, no problem, call me when he is on his way back up, because he'll have a key. By this time, I'm on the descent, starting to get a little busy. Next thing I know, he calls up on the intercom and says "hey, I don't have a key". So, I start laughing and tell him to come on up. I turn on the overhead speaker, get out of my seat, and then I'm like oh ********************...the front row pax will see both of us standing there when I open the door. Luckily it was nighttime, so, I turn off the cargo bay lights, walk back to the door, look thru the peephole, and he's standing right there and I can see the pax looking at him likes he's crazy, so I crack the door, and run back to the cockpit. He was pretty embarassed.
Anyhow, turned out fine....funny thing was, he wanted to fill out an unusual occurence report....I talked him out of it.
Click to expand...

That's Hilarious!
 
jdubya said:
I have a few of these stories, but this one is pretty good: Regional airline on an ATR-72 and we're on a short 30 minute flight. Dude I'm with is kinda quiet in his seat and finally says he has to go, he was worried because it was such a short flight. Anyway, I said hey, if you gotta go, go ahead. So, this is post 9/11, so he calls the FA and then quickly disappears. The ATR has a forward cargo area, so in the cabin, the door you are looking at is actually to the cargo area which goes several feet to the new bank vault cockpit door. At the time, the FA's had keys to that first door, you would then wait until they were in the cargo area and you could see them in the peephole to let them in the cockpit. Well, I never see the FA, but wasn't really worried about it, one of them calls up a while later and says "he rushed out so quick and shut the door behind him and neither one of us has our keys". So I said, no problem, call me when he is on his way back up, because he'll have a key. By this time, I'm on the descent, starting to get a little busy. Next thing I know, he calls up on the intercom and says "hey, I don't have a key". So, I start laughing and tell him to come on up. I turn on the overhead speaker, get out of my seat, and then I'm like oh ********************...the front row pax will see both of us standing there when I open the door. Luckily it was nighttime, so, I turn off the cargo bay lights, walk back to the door, look thru the peephole, and he's standing right there and I can see the pax looking at him likes he's crazy, so I crack the door, and run back to the cockpit. He was pretty embarassed.
Anyhow, turned out fine....funny thing was, he wanted to fill out an unusual occurence report....I talked him out of it.
Click to expand...

That's Hilarious!
 

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