spouse does not understan

[yaya]

Hellow ladies and gents. Pilot here,... I recently went thru training and now have a new position on the list which is very JUNIOR. Things at home are very messed up even though I thought we had "prepared" for the event. My list is changing rapidly and I will hold a hard line soon, but much damage has been done already. So any advice? What else can I do? We hired a maid person, once a month... No children. Spouse is invloved with the house and yard, etc more than most Getting some negativity from the whole thing. I don't need this!

 

[Rook]

So what exactly is the issue? You guys expecting? Or is the airline gig just not what you thought it would be?

 

[Way2Broke]

What were you doing before this job?

 

[belchfire]

Spouses rarely understand anything about aviation and the more you try to explain it to them the less they understand.

 

[Andrew_VT]

We hired a maid person, once a month... No children. Spouse is invloved with the house and yard, etc more than most

So let me get this straight, you don't have kids, you're not home very much, and she STILL needs a maid!! Wow!

When you say "spouse is involved in house and yard more than most" does that mean she doesn't work very much and is home alot?!? On top of still needing a maid? Wow...

 

[Andrew_VT]

Just realized you might be Female and your spouse might be male :0

Other than the semantics however, the sentiments still apply.

If he/she is this needy now, it'll only get worse from here.

 

[yaya]

Just realized you might be Female and your spouse might be male :0

Other than the semantics however, the sentiments still apply.

If he/she is this needy now, it'll only get worse from here.

Correct. I am a female, and I only get the house deep cleaned once a month... I am not a maid, and I am not going to do "everything" when I get home from a trip. Takes me a whole day each week to catch up as it is.

I knew what I was getting into with this career, so its not like I didn't try to prepare everyone.

I made it clear when I was changing lists that I was going to be on reserve and what the environment would be like. Before this I was very senior holding 17-18 days off each month working day trips mostly with weekends off. Now I am going to be on reserve for a long time, middle of the week off, etc.

ps... wife does not = maid, regardless of what she does for a living.

 

[Rook]

Correct. I am a female, and I only get the house deep cleaned once a month... I am not a maid, and I am not going to do "everything" when I get home from a trip. Takes me a whole day each week to catch up as it is.

I knew what I was getting into with this career, so its not like I didn't try to prepare everyone.

I made it clear when I was changing lists that I was going to be on reserve and what the environment would be like. Before this I was very senior holding 17-18 days off each month working day trips mostly with weekends off. Now I am going to be on reserve for a long time, middle of the week off, etc.

ps... wife does not = maid, regardless of what she does for a living.

I don't understand 'changing lists'. Did you upgrade?

And your postscript...couldn't agree more. Andrew VT is right though. Should be a team effort. Good luck.

 

[yaya]

upgraded

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

All you can do is try (it's a great song to listen to by Nelly Furtado). If you try, and your spouse tries, it will work out.

If your spouse is NOT trying, and refuses to try, don't kill yourself. Do the best you can, and if it's not enough, kick your spouse to the curb when you've done all you can do.

Interestingly, when I got my flying job (only home 10 days/month) my CEO (wife) liked it a lot better. We decided that about 13-14 days off is enough. (I'm now at 11).

God Bless!
cliff
YIP

 

[yaya]

Hi!

All you can do is try (it's a great song to listen to by Nelly Furtado). If you try, and your spouse tries, it will work out.

If your spouse is NOT trying, and refuses to try, don't kill yourself. Do the best you can, and if it's not enough, kick your spouse to the curb when you've done all you can do.

Interestingly, when I got my flying job (only home 10 days/month) my CEO (wife) liked it a lot better. We decided that about 13-14 days off is enough. (I'm now at 11).

God Bless!
cliff
YIP

My spouse is trying........ and WHY is this so important about my lists? YES IAM AM A CAPTAIN NOW..... ALREADY

 

[Rook]

My spouse is trying........ and WHY is this so important about my lists? YES IAM AM A CAPTAIN NOW..... ALREADY

It was just the language. No offense. Some people are used to hearing vacancies, or upgrading. Some people I guess are used to hearing 'changing lists'. Regardless good luck to your situation. Hope all is well

 

[Oh-ryan]

Correct. I am a female, and I only get the house deep cleaned once a month... I am not a maid, and I am not going to do "everything" when I get home from a trip. Takes me a whole day each week to catch up as it is.

I knew what I was getting into with this career, so its not like I didn't try to prepare everyone.

I made it clear when I was changing lists that I was going to be on reserve and what the environment would be like. Before this I was very senior holding 17-18 days off each month working day trips mostly with weekends off. Now I am going to be on reserve for a long time, middle of the week off, etc.

ps... wife does not = maid, regardless of what she does for a living.

I am with the others about this maid thing. So let me get this straight... you have no kids... hubby has a 9-5 job, you have about 10 days off a month and you STILL need to hire a maid. I'll give you the 1 day of decompression/relaxation when you get home, but what the heck is going on the other nine days. It don't take much to keep a house in order... ESPECIALLY when you don't have kids to clean up after. Please tell me there is more to it than this. I am not poking fun at hiring a maid. If it fit into my budget I would do it as well, but come on now.

 

[huronip]

I am with the others about this maid thing. So let me get this straight... you have no kids... hubby has a 9-5 job, you have about 10 days off a month and you STILL need to hire a maid. I'll give you the 1 day of decompression/relaxation when you get home, but what the heck is going on the other nine days. It don't take much to keep a house in order... ESPECIALLY when you don't have kids to clean up after. Please tell me there is more to it than this. I am not poking fun at hiring a maid. If it fit into my budget I would do it as well, but come on now.

You make over 80K a year and you 're telling me you can't afford a maid? You better take the bonus and stay in.

 

[Andrew_VT]

hubby has a 9-5 job, you have about 10 days off a month and you STILL need to hire a maid. I'll give you the 1 day of decompression/relaxation when you get home, but what the heck is going on the other nine days.

Actually what I meant by my earlier post is that the non-pilot of the household should be able to keep a house clean if he/she (in this case a he) doesn't have kids and just works a 9-5 job.

I'm not a feminist type that thinks guys should act like housewives, but he should still be able do enough to not need a maid when he's the only one in the damn house.

 

[Oh-ryan]

You make over 80K a year and you 're telling me you can't afford a maid? You better take the bonus and stay in.

Actually tough guy... I am no longer in, I make about 110K a year (flying), but I still can not justify spending money on a maid. I prefer having my wife stay home and raise our kids (as does she) and use the "maid money" to take the kids on vacation, save for college and maybe enjoy a dinner out/week. Can you believe that? Oh yeah, I actually do some laundry, vacuum and other things around the house to help out.

Go look down your nose at someone else jerk off.

 

[capt. megadeth]

One thing I don't understand is WHY THE F*** does ANYONE need a maid?

Your hubby should clean up if he is home......if you are home and the house needs cleanup....you should clean it up.

Anyone that needs a maid is living in too big of a house.

I will never understand the maid thing. What a collossal waste of cash!!!!!!!!!! Why can't people clean up after themselves? I just don't get it.

 

[JediNein]

Because sometimes they can't. And sometimes their time is too valuable.

We don't know if the significant other is disabled, which could be a simple as needing a PBE to do the vacuuming - otherwise they sneeze their heads off.

We don't know if the significant other is a busy CEO and wants to come home to a cooked meal every day and feels vacuuming is beneath him.

Some guys feel very threatened when their wife appears to be more successful than themselves. Wifey upgrades and becomes 'de man' in charge and hubby is still assistant peon. Role reversals can be quite challenging.

I was watching the Mesa training video where the guy has to reschedule his wife's chemo appointment. That's just wrong. Are there events going on like that at home, or are they more mundane things like missed dinners, dates, not being able to be there for the contractors, and so on?

Good luck!

 

[Oh-ryan]

One thing I don't understand is WHY THE F*** does ANYONE need a maid?

Your hubby should clean up if he is home......if you are home and the house needs cleanup....you should clean it up.

Anyone that needs a maid is living in too big of a house.

I will never understand the maid thing. What a collossal waste of cash!!!!!!!!!! Why can't people clean up after themselves? I just don't get it.

I 95% agree with you there Sugar Britches. The 5% exception being if I were a ga-zillionaire, maybe then I would hire a maid. Preferably one of them French maids... ooh yeah... that's the stuff!

Now, for the average Joe Schmoe couple that is trying to find ways to keep their marriage together and feels that hiring a maid would help, then they might as well start working on the divorce papers cause they got much bigger problems.

 

[Galaxy]

WOW- This thread got hijacked!

To the original poster- I feel for you, but you should have planned for the worse and hoped for the best. The fact you are on reserve was a given. You must have known that going from a senior FO holding day trip lines going to the left seat was going to suck BIGTIME. However, congrats on your upgrade and hiring a housekeeper is cheaper than a divorce. Just let your hubby know that times like this will soon pass.

Sit him down and bring out the issues to the table and get them resolved or they will haunt you for a long long time.

 

[xdrvr]

Out of curiousity what does your spouse do for a living? Perhaps this is the perverbial straw that broke the camels back... whatever else is going on and now the home life is not stable.. schedule wise Good luck to you!

 

[Seadogrun]

Any way you cut it, it suck for the spouse at home to be there alone. I think it comforts my wife knowing that I don't like be away any more that she likes for me to be gone.

Let him know it sucks for you too, but it will get better.

Congrats on the upgrade.

 

[CKJET]

Congrats on the left seat...tell him to clean up after himself. My wife is yelling that to me right now.

 

[Grey Ghost]

what do these wives think it is going to be like when they marry a pilot?????? Tell her to pick up a hobby to pass the time!!!

 

[deadstick]

Come to an understanding.

FWIW, my wife knew this is what I wanted to do. Thinks really suck right now, but we look at this as an investment in our future. When I am home, I most certainly do house work. It has to be a team effort. A web cam can really help the relationship, too. And I don't mean for any of that funny stuff, either . If you are sitting reserve on a weekend (and home is not the base), then non-rev is butt up there and get a room for the weekend. Hopefully you're in a nice city.

It's hard now, and you won't be on reserve indefinitely.

 

[§kyye Candy]

Hi Yaya -

Still confused a little over here - you said you're not doing "everything" when you get home, but you also said hub is trying - can I take it to mean then that your house isn't up to standards when you arrive home? Or is it more that he's complaining about you not having the time/inclination (whichever) to clean more often?

 

[Beetle007]

At some point free time is worth more than money. I have never had a maid, but I understand the reasons for one. Time is worth more than anything, and some people can spend it more productively than cleaning.

Usually a pilot doesn't fall into this category (because you normally can't work from home). But, I know a lot of pilots that have side businesses. They can be more productive working than cleaning. And, if you can afford to hire a maid, I would rather spend quality time with my wife than cleaning on my days off.

 

[belchfire]

Drinking beer and watching Star Trek reruns is a more valuble use of my time than cleaning...hell, I need a maid!

Booohahahahahahaha!

 

[John Pennekamp]

One thing I don't understand is WHY THE F*** does ANYONE need a maid?

Your hubby should clean up if he is home......if you are home and the house needs cleanup....you should clean it up.

Anyone that needs a maid is living in too big of a house.

I will never understand the maid thing. What a collossal waste of cash!!!!!!!!!! Why can't people clean up after themselves? I just don't get it.

FWIW, we have a cleaning service. I'm a pilot and my wife's an FA. We have 4 kids. The last thing we want to do on our precious off days is clean house. $75 every two weeks is a small price to pay!

 

[pilotyip]

So what, you were expecting a never-ending honeymoon? If you committed to the marriage you will have conflicts, issues, and distractions from the big picture. The big picture is you made a commitment and you are to stick to it, no infidelity, no drugs, and financial responsibility are your obligations to the foundation of that commitment. This only comes from an airline career guy who had been married to my first and only wife for 42 years.